My husband’s fake illness is ruining our lives

A Reddit user shares her struggle with her husband’s obsessive belief that he has ALS, despite doctors’ reassurances. His constant focus on the illness is creating tension in their marriage and negatively affecting their family life.

She’s conflicted about whether to continue trying to help him or focus on her own well-being and that of her children. Read the original story below.

‘ My husband’s fake illness is ruining our lives ‘

Me 35F and my husband 31M have been together for 10 years, married for 6. He has OCD and for the last 8 months or so, he’s completely convinced himself that he has ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease, what Steven Hawking had).

He’s spent thousands of dollars on ER visits, seen multiple doctors and a neurologist who have all said he doesn’t have it, he doesn’t have any symptoms of ALS, etc. But it’s all he talks about, all he thinks about, all day every day for the last 8 months.

He goes to therapy once a week and he’s been on medication for his OCD since he was like 8 years old. He recently switched to a new medication which seemed like it was helping but now he’s back to the same.

I try to act normal, to keep our home life happy and functioning for our 2 kids (14 and 4) but he brings a black cloud over everything. Tonight we were out to a casual dinner and he just wasn’t talking to me, was on his phone and just seemed so angry and dismissive of me every time I tried to start a conversation,

so finally I asked him why do you just not like me anymore? He said he does like me, but he hates being alive and hates everything in life. He said he hates even trying to talk to me because all he wants to talk about is ALS and he knows I’m tired of hearing about it and having the same conversation about it.

He said nothing in life brings him joy except our son, but that thinking of our son makes him sad because he knows he’s gonna be dead in a year due to ALS. I didn’t really know how to reply to that. I’ve been living with him through this and through his OCD but I just don’t know if I can do it anymore.

I don’t know if this marriage is even worth saving because at this point I feel like I’ve lost all love for him and he’s not even the same person he was 8 months ago. I keep hoping he’ll snap out of it but even then I don’t know if I can ever go back to how we were.

And it wasn’t all that great to begin with anyway. So my question is do I keep trying to stick this out and help him through this, or do I focus on myself and my kids?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

beyonceknowls −  This is tough as I just lost a family friend to ALS last month. If your husband understood the progression of the disease he would very quickly understand he does not have it.

Honestly I would recommend inpatient therapy for your husband. His OCD delusions and paranoia are not under control. I am not a doctor but this feels like suicidal ideation being pushed toward kind of a “wish” for a “legitimate” way to die.

If he refuses inpatient you may want to start getting your ducks in a row, just in case. If he is unwilling to change or address his mental health and it’s affecting your kids then you need to help the family that you can help first. Get your kids away from this.

applejacks5689 −  I would give an ultimatum — inpatient or leave. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Side note: I question if he’s being honest with his therapist as to the extent of his delusions.

WooksytheWookie −  His comments about being dead soon and not having any joy in life are very concerning. Borderline suicidal ideations, if not outright ones. I’m not saying get out, but I’m mildly concerned for the safety of your children and you.

I know that sounds really dramatic but how deep he is in this delusion that he’s got to be killed by an illness he doesn’t have is disconcerting to say the least.

Mummysews −  He said nothing in life brings him joy except our son,. What about your other child?! The whole o**ession with ALS is far above my skills to discuss, so I won’t. But I *will* say that him being totally dismissive of your other child is pretty bloody awful of him and needs addressing.

Your older child isn’t his? Obviously, the ages vs your relationship length does tell me that, but y’know, it’s worth asking. But if an adult has been in the life of a 14-yr-old child for 10 years and the adult still says his bio-child is the only joy in his life? That’s harsh.

ohdatpoodle −  My mother was a hypochondriac and my childhood memories are full of ER visits, her always being out of work, and my dad always being so alone and stressed. I grew up with a very bizarre view of the healthcare system because I was in and around hospitals and doctors so much.

I still often don’t take health issues seriously because mommy was always “so sick” but ended up being fine every single time. It drove my dad to a**oholism and an early d**th, and now as an adult I have no relationship with my mother and she has never gotten the help she needs for whatever mental health issues she has.

SweetPotato781 −  Is he receiving treatment from a mental health professional?

No_Guava_5764 −  RN here- these are pretty life debilitating symptoms. I would also agree with the majority, inpatient or leave.

trashycajun −  Meds will only go so far, but I’m going to give you some warnings on inpatient care. Many IP facilities are worthless. Many only focus on medications for immediate stabilization and give very little actual treatment otherwise.

Instead I’m going to suggest you research residential treatment facilities since he doesn’t sound like he’s an immediate danger to himself or others. IP is in a hospital setting so it’s not very comprehensive.

A residential facility is less like a hospital setting and more like a community setting in that you are generally in your own house or cabin. Often you have a roommate, but some do offer private rooms.

I was in a place in Ocklawaha, Florida called The Refuge. It’s for trauma and addiction recovery. I’d spent decades in and out of IP facilities and with different therapists, and I stayed at the Refuge for almost 4 months.

It was very intense and was a LOT of work, but in the end, they gave me the tools to save my life. Let me be clear, they didn’t save my life. They gave me the tools to save my own. That’s very, very important.

I’d start looking into those kinds of places, checking to see which ones your insurance covers, and call them explaining the situation. They should be able to point you in the right direction.

Keep in mind that this will be a very long journey. Even after I came out of The Refuge it took me another solid year to re-incorporate myself back to real life. Some take less time to get their footing back after a facility and some take longer.

It’s not magic. It takes a ton of work and self-awareness, and he has to want this. If he doesn’t want to get better it’s a waste of money.
Feel free to DM me if you’d like to me help you out.

spacedress −  I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I am bipolar. Two years ago I went through a severe depressive episode and developed a delusion that I was dying of an incurable disease, just like your husband. I decided to go inpatient, and it was the best choice I could have made.

I got some time away from my life situation, and my doctors were able to adjust my meds to where they needed to be. It didn’t happen overnight, but I got better. Now the time when I thought I had the disease is just a weird memory. I would highly encourage your husband to get inpatient treatment.

zuzian −  I have several mental health disorders, including OCD. Several of them are severe, but I would say the one that has by far caused me and my loved ones the most pain has been the OCD. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

I think you’ve gotten some really good advice and I agree, there is nothing wrong with telling him that he does inpatient or you leave. His illness is not your responsibility to fix or shoulder, and if he will not seek the intense treatment he needs, you leaving for your own health is valid and not a reflection of you as a person.

It took me a long time to be accepting of treatment for my OCD, longer than any of my other conditions. It’s hard and makes you want to vomit, but I can promise you both that the work is worth it… If he’s willing.

When mental health struggles start to take a toll on a relationship, how do you balance supporting your partner and taking care of yourself? Is it possible to save a marriage under these circumstances, or is it more important to prioritize personal well-being and the children’s happiness? Share your thoughts below!