My [28/F] friend [41/F] announced she is getting married next week. I have reason to believe she is lying.
A Redditor shared concerns about their friend’s sudden announcement of an upcoming wedding to a supposed millionaire fiancé, James. The details didn’t add up, leading the Redditor to investigate and uncover inconsistencies, such as the house being unsold, the wedding venue unbooked, and the horses belonging to a local ranch.
Now, the Redditor is torn about whether to confront their friend, warn James, or consider if their friend might be experiencing delusions tied to a deeper issue. Read the original story below for the full context.
‘ My [28/F] friend [41/F] announced she is getting married next week. I have reason to believe she is lying.’
Wendy and I have been friends for several years. We used to live in the same city and see one another often. I knew she had a history of traumatic relationships and had hence decided not to date, but I also knew she had a pretty intense crush on a friend of a friend I had never met, James.
When I moved to another state, we stayed in touch via phone calls. She told me that her feelings for James were becoming stronger, despite the fact that they had no contact. Soon, she began telling me that they were in love but his ex-girlfriend was preventing them from being together.
Because these conversations became so odd, I stopped the calls and stepped away from the friendship. This week, I visited my former city on an impromptu trip and met up with Wendy. She told me the exciting news that her and James were finally getting married after this ex had kept them apart so long.
She showed me photos of a home he bought her, of horses he bought her, and of her in a wedding dress. She told me the name of the venue and invited me. Then she dropped the bombshell that James is apparently a millionaire. All of this seemed off to me and when I got home, my concerns mounted.
Her house was not packed despite the fact she is supposedly moving imminently. Money seems tight for her, she is living in relative squalor, if she has a millionaire fiance, why isn’t he helping her? I did some digging. I found the house she showed me on Zillow, still for sale.
I found the horses on a website for a local ranch that does tours. I called the venue and they told me they are unbooked on the supposed wedding date. All the available evidence tells me that she is not getting married. My gut tells me that her and James are not even in a relationship or have any contact.
I don’t know what to do next. Do I confront her? Do I warn James? Are these simply lies or are they delusions and the symptom of a serious mental illness? How do I help her?
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
[Reddit User] − My sister tells fantastic lies kind of like this. She’s never invented a millionaire fiancé, but she has a whole story about how at age 14 she leapt into a flooded river to try to rescue a drowning kayaker,
and another story about how she was doing sound for a famous band and in the middle of the show the lead singer stopped the show to talk about how beautiful she was. I guess what I’m saying is that, based on my experience with this kind of thing,
the person telling the lies is not exactly delusional but more driven by a pathological need to impress other people and to portray their self and their life as better, the best, just so amazing.
I suspect your friend is having a fairly bad time and really, really does not want to admit that she’s single and poor. Of course I may be wrong and James may end up locked in her basement.
CanYouGuessWhoIAm − If you’ve never met him he almost assuredly doesn’t exist. Your friend is either having some kind of mental health episode or is a pathological l**r. You should probably make a small effort to find out which.
LameNameDame − If I had to guess, James will die in a tragic accident shortly before or after the wedding. That’s just based on my experience with this sort of person, anyway. If you know any of her family, I would ask them about the wedding and then pass along the knowledge that she is unwell.
I personally wouldn’t bother confronting her, though. Pathological liars, which is probably all that’s going on here, will just double down or come up with excuses. There’s really no getting through to people who are THAT good at lying to themselves. Hopefully ther’s not something even crazier than that going on here.
Leprecon − Am I the only one here who thinks that James is obviously catfishing this friend of yours? Heres what will happen: something will go wrong right before the wedding, and he will be somehow stranded without cash. Your friend will have to forward him a couple of thousand to make bail/get tickets/etc.
He promises he will be good for it because he is a millionaire after all, evidenced by all of his fake pics of which she showed you some.
Be careful. Either she is a fake, or he is. Either way, she needs your help. If she is the fake then she is a disturbed person who needs help to be normal. If he is the fake, you better have some tissues ready.
GazzP − Oh man, a real life Morello from Orange is the new Black.
anti_jen − There’s honestly not a whole lot you can do, but if you have a method of contacting James, I think you should. For confirmation and possible warning.
b100289 − Please keep us updated on this story, i have no advice but would love to hear what happens on the ‘wedding day’
codeiqhq − Please do an update, I’m so intrigued about this. I used to date a guy who literally made up everything about himself, and I found out at the end that he was a wanted felon.
ShelfLifeInc − Ohhhhh boy. How close are you with this “friend”? It sounds like you pulled away from her when you moved and are more of acquaintances now. If you know anyone who’s close to her (a family member or mutual friends), I’d try to talk to them. “Soooo, Wendy told me she’s getting married next week.
Have you heard anything about this?” If you have any contact with the mutual friend that connects her to James (the friend of a friend you mentioned), reach out to them.
Do you have any contact with James himself? Otherwise, if there’s no one you can reach out to, and if you’re not prepared to call a wellness check on her, there isn’t really much you can do.
knewtoff − I’m not sure how you would even go about this — but my grandmother went through the same thing when she was in a manic episode (bipolar). She created this whole fantasy where her and my grandpa divorced. “Paul” was going to whisk her away on a private helicopter to their new life.
She packed her things and waited in the driveway for him to never to come. She went back inside “oh he will be here tomorrow”. I don’t know your friend, but as I was reading all I could think about was my grandmother.
IF this is the case, try to visit with her on/around the day. Don’t feed the delusion, just ask questions to help them see the delusion.”can I see your wedding dress (day of)” “why haven’t you packed yet!” — good luck OP
How would you handle a situation like this? Should the Redditor confront their friend, intervene to help, or take a step back? Could this be a case of intentional deception or a deeper mental health issue? Share your thoughts below!
For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/YtPck