AITAH for telling my parents that I’m dying and no amount of plant based diets and home remedies and herbs are going to change that?
A terminally ill person, exhausted from years of a strict plant-based diet and home remedies, expressed frustration to their parents. They want to enjoy some of their favorite foods again, like a real cheeseburger, instead of the restrictive diet.
When their parents resisted, worried it might hasten the end, the person bluntly told them that their diet won’t change the outcome. This honest statement upset their parents deeply. read the original story below…
‘ AITAH for telling my parents that I’m dying and no amount of plant based diets and home remedies and herbs are going to change that?’
I’m terminally ill and I put up a fight for two years but now there isn’t anything the doctors can do for me anymore. I can’t say that it is an easy pill to swallow but it is what it is. My parents have a hard time accepting that, I’m their only child.
After my diagnosis they got us eating super healthy and I was on board because I wanted to do everything I can to fight this but I just don’t see the point anymore. I’m not allowed to eat junk food or just anything unhealthy and I’m tired of it.
They also want me to drink all these home remedies which I don’t have an issue with because what do I have to lose? Anyway what I’m tired of is the healthy eating, I just want to have a real double cheese burger or something not a plant based one or just snacks that aren’t fruits and vegetables for once.
Things I haven’t had in such a long time. Last night I tried reasoning with them but they made it seem like I will die sooner by doing that and that they are only doing what’s best for me.
That’s when I told them that it doesn’t matter that I’m on a strict plant based diet and drinking all these home remedies because I’m still going to die anyway and it looks like I will die miserable. They got pretty upset after that.
See what others had to share with OP:
Isolde89_ − I’d be staging a rebellion with a cheeseburger in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other! Life’s too short to miss out on the good stuff, even if it is just for dramatic effect.
aroundincircles − NTA, sorry for your situation. Your parents should seek grief counselling, and you should stuff your face with a double cheese burger.
Jealous-Friendship34 − I’m very sorry about the rotten hand in life you’ve been dealt. When I was in high school, I worked as a volunteer at the county hospital. There was a man dying in one of the rooms and he was on a liquid only diet.
I walked into his room to see him eating ribs that his family had brought. He said “S**t…”, knowing I was going to take the food away.. I asked him if he’d like a coke. My uncle was dying and wanted a transistor radio he could wear on his wrist like a watch.
My dad bought him a regular radio, which disappointed him. I went and found the one he wanted and bought it for him. He died two weeks later, but got what little he wanted. My grandfather was dying and was very specific about wanting Welch’s g**pe juice.
My grandmother brought him that stupid frozen crap with the peel off foil top that you get at the cafeteria. I went out and got him Welch’s. How hard is it to honor someone’s wishes when they are dying? Why do family members have to be assholes?
EcommGirlFBM − NTA, first of all, it sucks and i can’t imagine what’s like for you. I’m a mother and no mother/father wants to bury her child let alone her only one. it’s hard on everyone but more so on your parents.
However by reading your post i know you’ve come to accept this situation and want to enjoy life at it’s fullest. I would just try to talk to them one more time and tell them that you will be making the choices from now on since it’s your life and you want them to remember you doing the things you like, eating the things you like the most and having the best time with them.
So no one has any regrets when the time to say “see you soon” comes. Tell them you love them and always will but you want them to help you make the best out of the time you guys have left together. Once again, I hope this helps and just give them a big hug, they must be very scared of losing you too.
CoffeeBeanx3 − Fun fact about why I have a soft spot for palliative care: It’s the ONE type of nursing where we have enough staff and resources to do what the patient wants.. And we do everything we can. If someone is craving beer in their last days, even a specific one, we will get that freaking beer.
And giving patients alcohol isn’t really a thing we do often. If your doctors could point you to palliative care providers (there are tons of options where you get to stay home and have someone on call to administer meds, etc), the providers can sit down with your parents and have a talk with them about what makes sense for you.
You’re not in the healing process, so your entire focus should be on maximum quality of life. If you want a cheeseburger, you deserve your cheeseburger. If you want a cocktail, you deserve that too. If you want strippers and heroin, well…
with good palliative providers you’ll probably already be on opiates, and strippers haven’t been shown to have adverse effects on lifespans. Your parents are firmly in the denial stage, and we see that often. It sucks. You’re their only child and they’d probably do everything to keep you with them.
Someone needs to tell them that’s not happening, no matter what. And maybe that someone can’t be you in this case. I hope you get your cheeseburger, and that you’ll be able to have a relatively good time while you’re still with us.
(Also, secret tip: if you’re on any kind of treatment regimen that lowers your immune system and you develop a fungal infection in your mouth: frozen pineapple pieces are surprisingly helpful, and delicious.)
Bibliophile_w_coffee − NTA. Try changing your language. “Mom, Dad, this sucks, and I know one of us like what is coming and you are trying to do everything in your power to save me, but you can’t save me, no one escapes d**th.
The only difference between me and you is we know the cause of mine, and an approximate timeline. I want you to keep eating healthy and live forever and travel and see the sunset on every beach and be so healthy and eating right will help you stave off heart disease and fatty liver and all the other stuff, but it isn’t going to save me.
Instead of making me healthier it is making me miserable. I don’t want to tiptoe safely through what little life I have to arrive a deaths door with perfect cholesterol and so much vitamin D and in my system I could nourish a village.
I want to taste life! I want to drink in all the flavors! I want to try new things and bask in my old favorites. I want to sink my teeth into every glorious thing I can while I still can! I can’t live forever, but I don’t want to live scared of the inevitable. Will you help me? “Also might I recommend adding finding a Michelin Star restaurant to your bucket list. If you live in Texas you have to go out of state. If you really want to live it up and are in the states Vegas has several 1, 2 and a 3 star. It is expensive, but WORTH IT!!!
Unable_Maintenance73 − NTA. Ask they why they are hell bent on making what little time that you have left so miserable. Tell them to consider the torment that they are putting you through in what little time you have left.
Hell, when my father was dying of pancreatic cancer, he couldn’t eat, but he craved all kinds of food, so I cooked him everything he asked for, I would go to every restaurant or fast food joint and buy him everything he wanted.
He wasn’t able to eat the food but he could smell it and to him that was as good as eating it. I did everything I possibly could to make sure that what little time he had left that he would be comfortable. I have zero regrets. Your parents are going to regret doing this to you.
It may be time to pull out the guilt card and shame them into no longer torturing you.
Future_Direction5174 − When my father was dying, the hospital removed all dietary restrictions. It would only kill him quicker if he broke the diet, and he was going die anyway. The consultant even bought him a bottle of Navy Rum – he was only allowed White Rum on his diet and he really, really missed Navy Rum.
Ham, chocolate, bananas, pineapple, plums (he loved plums!) – who cared if it killed him 1-2 days quicker. In fact despite his diet he stayed lucid and awake for longer than the doctors expected, & instead of “drifting into a coma then dying” he dropped dead chatting to the night nurses. Love and miss you dad. I hope you enjoyed the rum.
AplogeticBaboon − Not at all comparing, but I have a severe nut allergy. If I was in your situation, when it was time for me to go, I would use both of my EpiPens and eat as many Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups as I could before my body gave up.
I_wanna_be_anemone − NTA You need to enjoy what’s left of your life while you can.
Should they have softened their approach, or was honesty necessary? Share your thoughts below!
