AITAH for refusing to let my cousin into my house after he stole $2000 worth of games from me when he was a teenager?

Family can be a source of both deep connection and long-held pain—especially when past betrayals resurface in adulthood. In this story, a 30-year-old man reveals why he refuses to let his cousin back into his home until he apologizes for stealing video games worth $2000 when he was a teenager.

Ten years ago, when his cousin was 16, he allowed him into his house, only to find that every game his cousin handled was missing the next day. The theft wasn’t just about lost games; some of those games were rare and out of print, making the loss even more significant. Adding insult to injury, his mother later falsely explained to his uncle that, because he is a diagnosed Aspie, he couldn’t fully comprehend what was happening—thus, his cousin’s actions went unpunished.

Now, as an adult with his own home, he is determined that his cousin must apologize for those childhood misdeeds before being welcome back. While his family calls him childish for holding onto old grievances, he believes that his cousin learned it was safe to steal from him because of his mother’s intervention. This bitter dispute raises the question: Am I the asshole for refusing to let my cousin back into my life until he makes amends for past theft?

‘ AITAH for refusing to let my cousin into my house after he stole $2000 worth of games from me when he was a teenager?’

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, notes, “When an incident from childhood—especially one that involves trust and personal property—is left unaddressed, it can have lasting effects on how individuals set boundaries as adults. Your refusal to let your cousin back in until he apologizes is a method of reclaiming respect that was denied to you as a teenager.”

Similarly, relationship expert Dr. John Gottman emphasizes, “Family conflicts that stem from early breaches of trust require clear boundaries for healing. While some might view holding onto past wrongs as petty, it often represents a deeper need for accountability. When a family member’s actions continue to impact your sense of self, asserting those boundaries is entirely justified.”

Both experts agree that while it might seem harsh to some, your decision to demand an apology is a step toward protecting your emotional well-being and ensuring that lessons about respect are not forgotten. The theft of valuable items—even if it happened during adolescence—can set a precedent for future behavior if not addressed properly.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Several redditors expressed support for your stance, with one writing, “You’re not being childish—if someone steals from you and gets away with it because of family intervention, you have every right to demand accountability before letting them back in.”

Another group shared similar experiences, commenting, “I’ve had family members do you wrong when you were young, and refusing to forgive without an apology is sometimes the only way to move forward. Your cousin needed to learn respect early on, and this is your way of setting that boundary.”