AITA for trying to have a conversation with my mom about how I feel I can’t talk to her and having her shut it down?

A Reddit user (18F) shares an emotional conflict with her mom (44F) regarding how she feels dismissed and unheard when trying to express her feelings. After an exchange about dinner portions.

The user attempted to open up about how her mom’s tone and comments make her feel, but her mom shut down the conversation, calling her “too sensitive.” Is the user wrong for trying to have this conversation, or is her mom’s response out of line? Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for trying to have a conversation with my mom about how I feel I can’t talk to her and having her shut it down?’

I (18F) recently had a tough interaction with my mom (44F) that’s been weighing on me, and I’m wondering if I handled it poorly. For context, I’ve always been a sensitive and non-confrontational person. My mom, on the other hand, naturally has a more aggressive way of speaking, which I often find overwhelming.

Here’s what happened: I came home tired after work, cooked dinner for the family, and started serving food for myself. My sister (who was preoccupied) eats larger portions than I do, so I was carefully serving her plate when my mom commented on my portion size, saying, *“Why’re you eating as if you’re on a budget?”*

For context, I eat small portions naturally—it’s just how I’ve always been. I replied, *“I don’t know, I’m tired. I just want to eat and go to sleep,”* and finished serving the food. I was so exhausted that I fell asleep while eating. My mom woke me up pretty aggressively to tell me to wash my plate, which I did before going back to bed.

The next day, we were out running errands, and I tried to make small talk, but she brushed me off. When we got home, I mentioned that I hadn’t been sleeping well. Her response was, *“Yeah, it’s obvious with the ignorant way you were talking yesterday,”* mimicking me with an exaggerated tone like I was a bratty teenager.

She also accused me of serving my sister’s plate as if I didn’t want to share. This felt unfair because I’d been checking with my sister to make sure I was serving enough. I got upset and started tearing up as I tried to explain myself, but my mom dismissed it, saying she was *“just joking”* and that I’m *“too thin-skinned.”*

She added that this is why she can’t say anything to me because I get upset and “act out” (for context, the most I do is cry and excuse myself). I told her that I *am* sensitive and that I don’t like being spoken to in a raised or aggressive tone.

I also said that the way she speaks to me makes me feel like I can’t talk to her about how I’m feeling, and that some of her comments about my appearance or actions feel insulting. She denied ever insulting me, said she doesn’t understand why I feel that way, and then listed all the things she’s done for me to show she cares.

I acknowledged that I see her care through her actions, but her words make me feel otherwise. She ended the conversation by saying she just wouldn’t talk to me anymore because she doesn’t know how to without me getting “too sensitive.”

She then asked my sister to grab her phone and started singing church music while I was still trying to explain my feelings. I feel like her behavior was dismissive and immature, but I also wonder if I’m being unreasonable or overly sensitive. AITA?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Comfortable-Ebb4514 −  NTA unfortunately she seems very stuck in her ways. She may continue to pick on you due to you being sensitive but dont let that stop you from defending yourself. You do not deserve to be talked down on like that. Hang in there.

KandyShopp −  Wait, so youre the sensitive one when she cant handle you explaining your own feelings? Got it. NTA.

PersimmonBasket −  NTA. I don’t know how things work in your house, and maybe your sister is a young child, but if you’ve been at work all day and are so tired that you fell asleep at the dinner table,

maybe you could have done with some help on this occasion. It seems to be that your mother is more than a little sensitive herself, so she ought to have a look in the mirror. Not that I’m suggesting you tell her that.

pottersquash −  NTA. If y’all have trouble speaking, you don’t need to. If she can’t express love verbally, stop trying to have a verbal interaction. Seems to me her not talking to you is a GOOD thing.

She should listen then head off with that information and show love and support the way she knows. This entire thing is one big “we don’t communicate well with words” fine. There are other ways.

17Girl4Life −  Aw, this was the dynamic between me and my mother too. I gave up trying to talk to her when I was in HS and just tried to navigate whatever she threw at me when I had to interact.

I was rebellious for a while, but mostly stopped caring. Moved out really young and went LC, but we didn’t call it LC back then. Just take care of yourself, OP. Get out as soon as you can. You can’t change her, but you can change her access to you.

Own_Art5667 −  NTA. Your mother is incredibly immature. Also, I might be wrong, but the way you react seems to be a learned behavior from this exactly. Your mother doesn’t want to communicate or listen, she seems like she doesn’t want to work through anything. Yet you are still doing so much for her and your family whilst exhausted? That’s entirely not fair and seems like a power play b

Opening-Worry9197 −  NTA, you handled it really well, your mother on the other hand.. yeesh. 😬

wicked-valentina −  NTA. You tried. But I still think this conversation needs to happen. You say she was listening to church music. Does your mom go to church? See if you can talk to the pastor, and ask if he is willing to mediate a conversation with your Mom.

With someone else there to halt her when she is cutting you off or to point out her microaggressions, she might become better aware of how these miscommunications are happening. Alternately, write her a letter. She can’t interrupt or b**ly a letter.

Regular_Boot_3540 −  She was b**lying you, and then she tried to manipulate you by threatening not to talk to you anymore. And why couldn’t she wash your plate after you cooked the dinner? NTA.

ynvesoohnka7nn −  Nta. N**cissist.

It’s not always easy to open up about sensitive feelings, especially when the other person doesn’t seem to validate them. How do you navigate difficult conversations with family members who might dismiss your feelings? Is it possible to communicate better with someone who doesn’t understand your emotional boundaries? Share your thoughts below!