AITA for telling my dad that my dogs come before his comfort?
A woman (30F) with two French Bulldogs told her father he couldn’t visit her apartment if he insisted the dogs be removed during his stay. She explained her dogs are crucial for her mental health, especially after years of medical issues and surgeries, and that their comfort comes before his dislike of animals.
Her father is upset and feels she’s prioritizing the dogs over him, with her stepmother pointing out that she accommodates her sisters’ needs for allergies but won’t do the same for her father’s preferences. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for telling my dad that my dogs come before his comfort?’
I (30f) have two dogs Taki and Poppy they’re both frenchies. For a little background info I grew up with dogs but was never really a dog person. I always preferred cats. When I was 14 I started having horrific stomach pain and no one could figure out what was going on all my test came back normal.
So for the past 16 years I’ve been going to see different doctors and having surgeries to try to help. On top of that my knees have been dislocating randomly. I could step out of my car wrong and bam my knee is out. My health got so bad with everything that I had to stop working.
In the past 2 years I finally got a diagnosis and had my knees fixed. I’ve had 3 major surgeries and everything took a toll on my mental health. My therapist suggested maybe getting a dog as an emotional support animal and my daughter (11) had been begging me to get a Frenchie since she was like 4.
So I got my first dog Taki and I fell absolutely head over heels in love with her. In September my sister gifted me Poppy so now I’m a dog mom to two very very spoiled Frenchies. On to the issue. My dad lives on the other side of the country but his company is still based in the state I live in.
He is not an animal person at all. He asked to come visit but told me he doesn’t want my dogs anywhere near him. I told him that’s fine we can go out to dinner or I could come see him at his office.
He is insisting to come to my apartment and said I could drop them off at a doggy daycare or at my friend’s apartment. I told him that my dogs will be staying in their home and that their comfort comes before his.
He’s pissed and my step mom says I’m wrong because I make a room completely cat free for one of my sister and I deep clean and remove all the gluten in my home for my other sister. I do that for allergies not because someone just doesn’t want a dog walking by them. So am AITA for telling my dad my dogs comfort comes first?
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
kharmatika − NTA. Why is he so insistent on being in your space? Now, quick question, are you kennel training? It’s an amazing skill that you’ll definitely need for many situations in the future, including but not limited to making things like this a super easy convenient thing to address.
If they were properly kennel trained, you could just kennel them for a couple hours while he came over and avoid the friction, since it wouldn’t be a hard request to meet or any kind of sacrifice to make for someone’s comfort, in that situation.
This is obviously an optional situation, but there’s lots of situations you’ll run into in the next, hopefully, 10+ years, where kennelling can be an important safety tool, an important quality of life tool, and a helpful social tool,
and doing kennel training the right way(I.e. helping the dog understand their kennel is a good thing), will make everyone’s life, yours, your dogs, anyone else’s, much better.
No_Speed_3683 − NTA this man can get a hotel and go out for dinner/lunch or whatever. It is crazy to expect someone to kick their dogs out because the father doesn’t like them.
4th_chakra − He is insisting to come to my apartment and said I could drop them off at a doggy daycare or at my friend’s apartment. It’s your home, your daughter’s home, and a haven for 2 loved Frenchie’s.
Not only are your pups part of your family, but as emotional support dogs they are living therapy for you to help with your difficult physical needs, and mental health. Your dad isn’t respecting your home, or your family of 4. Insisting? Then demanding you accommodate him?
That’s absurd, and shame on him for being so egocentric and insensitive. I told him that’s fine we can go out to dinner or I could come see him at his office
Those options make perfect sense, and a *reasonable* person would see that.. Your dad is the a**hole, not you.. NTA
EducationalFront574 − Nta your dad is and sure has a huge ego. Stand your ground. If he doesn’t want to be around your dogs then he should not visit your apartment. What a weak a**hole dad is. A grown man that can’t be around animals is nuts. His problem. His mental issue. Not your problem
SushiGuacDNA − NTA. Your Dad insists that you send the dogs out of your house? That’s an a**hole move. I mean, would you be willing to put them in your bedroom or something, when he’s there? If that’s not enough for him, he’s definitely the a**hole in this scenario.
RoyallyOakie − NTA…That’s their house. Your father is being a bad guest. You offered some alternatives. He can take them or leave them. I would love to hang out with two frenchies.
rockology_adam − NTA. My dad does not like my cat. He also thinks that I’m too lax, and have let her scratch up couches and things. He may not be wrong. However, when he visits, the only change we make is that the cat stays in my room over night so she can’t walk on him in the middle of the night.
It required putting a litterbox in my room which she almost never uses (but has stayed there permanently for convenience). Otherwise, she has the run of the place all day, just like she normally would. My dad isn’t a huge fan, but the other option is a hotel for him, not the cat. Your dad is a grown up. You have dogs, he can s**k it up.
ParsimoniousSalad − NTA. Your dad is essentially asking you to remove an important part of your family so he feels “comfortable.” WTF kind of entitlement is that? You offered to meet with him elsewhere.
Regular_Boot_3540 − NTA. It’s your home. Visitors don’t get to kick your dogs out. You offered perfectly reasonable alternatives. Your dad can take or leave them.
InValuAbled − AITA for telling my dad my dogs comfort comes first. NTA. He is insisting to come to my apartment. To do what? He asked to come visit but told me he doesn’t want my dogs anywhere near him.
I read it is “he asked to come swimming, but wants water nowhere on him”. Makes just as much sense. Dogs live there. He doesn’t. And you’ve offered alternatives.. He’s an a**hole.
Is she wrong for standing her ground, or should she make adjustments for her father’s comfort? Share your thoughts in the comments and let us know how you would handle the situation!