AITA for kicking out my boyfriend’s best friend and calling him a creepy weirdo?
A man shares frustrations about his boyfriend Hayden’s best friend Rory, who is very possessive of Hayden. Rory constantly invites himself over, disrupts plans, and tries to come between the couple, even causing Hayden to run to him after arguments.
When Rory intruded on an anniversary dinner, the boyfriend finally snapped and kicked him out, calling him a “creepy weirdo.” Hayden left angrily to stay with Rory. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for kicking out my boyfriend’s best friend and calling him a creepy weirdo?’
My (22M) boyfriend Hayden (21M) has a best friend Rory (22M) who’s straight.They pretty much know each other all their lives. Both of them came from a**sive homes with Hayden pray the gay away nuto religious parents and Rory’s drunk ahole of a dad.
They even ran away together for a whole year and half when they were 14/15. I don’t like Rory though at all. He’s so weirdly possessive and “protective” of Hayden. Like he’s hated all of Hayden’s boyfriends including me. He wants to be around all the time even when he has a girlfriend.
I almost never have anytime alone with Hayden where Rory doesn’t somehow just pop up or invites himself or Hayden brings him along. Rory hated when I finally convinced Hayden to move in with me and out of their shared apartment.
He’ll literally ditch his girlfriend to hangout with Hayden and Hayden does the same to me..They’ll have sleep overs all the time and end up snuggled up in the couch or on a pallet in the floor in the living room. It’s like Rory is always trying to get in-between us.
Any argument me and Hayden have Rorys around the corner ready to tell him how horrible a person I am. I even checked around with some of their old friends and a few of them told me how it was the same for them.
How Hayden couldn’t have any other friends and how they haven’t talked to Hayden or Rory in so long because they pushed everyone else away. I had planned this whole romantic dinner Saturday. I cooked and everything and literally candles for our anniversary.
Rory knew this and of course he comes home with Hayden and like just pulls up a chair.. I’m of course upset and Hayden is just like it’s fine and that we could all share. I tell him that’s not the point. I got really mad then and I kicked Rory out and made him go home.
Hayden gets mad at me asking why I was acting that way and I told him that Rory is a creepy weirdo. He said I had no right to say that. I yelled at him that he literally doesn’t have any other friends because Rory pushes then away. He starts crying and of course runs off yelling that he was staying at Rory’s.. AITA
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
–rafael − NTA but there’s probably no hope for this relationship. Hayden is just undatable at the moment. He needs therapy. And Rory is probably the same. Even if it’s not s**ual, they have what seems to be some sort of an unresolved relationship. They need to figure out what they are to each other. They are not acting as friends, that’s for sure.
WhyWontYouHelpMe − NTA for kicking him out of your anniversary meal. But have you actually spoken to Hayden about this? Calling Rory a creepy weirdo and yelling isn’t the best way to have a conversation and figure out what some good boundaries would be to put in place.
Your boyfriend is the one who goes to Rory too. If you want this to work out, then you need to have a calm talk. Perhaps in couples therapy? (You and Hayden, not Hayden and Rory).
Apart-Scene-9059 − NTA: But you know everything you said Rory does your boyfriend also does the exact same things. So basically you’re dating a creepy weirdo
fancyandfab − I really wonder if Rory is straight. He’s acting like a scorned lover/affair partner. It could also be he’s just very possessive due to their extensive history. Either way Hayden is the issue. You have a major BF problem. He should have set boundaries in this and all prior relationships.
Hayden has communicated very clearly you come at best second to Rory. There may be other priorities above you, but Rory is certainly far more important than you. That’s an undeniable fact. You have to either accept this status quo or move on.
Kakana671 − Hhhmmm I’m Bi and it sounds like the Friend has internalized homophobia and that I’d bet money that they are secretly f**king…. They’ve probably been at this for a long time are deeply in love with each other, it’s just that they can’t really be open with themselves about it
tango-tangerines − Sorry about your boyfriend’s boyfriend. I hope you d**p him and find someone better. And single.
breathofari − NTA. Those two probably have a really complicated relationship if they were runaways together in their mid teens. There may have been a time where the only person they could rely on is each other. It might not be healthy but it could explain why they are so close.
As others suggested, it’s possible Rory is also gay but closeted for whatever reason. Either way tbh I think your boyfriend is the issue here. He is the one allowing Rory to overstep and seems to place their relationship over his relationship with you.
(Really, who brings someone else to their anniversary dinner?!) At this point if Hayden doesn’t agree to set some solid boundaries I think it’s time to decide if you want to continue the relationship as it is.
chalksea − NTA honestly I see some people suggesting they’re secretly f**king but I don’t get that vibe I do get a lil of the vibe of potentially closeted feelings but I’ll take it all at face value and assume rory is straight.
They sound codependent af and both probably have a**ndonment issues so they overly rely on each other and push others away for fear of losing their closest friend. Someone pointed out how you said your bf is doing the same things as rory and that’s something that should be examined.
Ultimately rn you need to talk about boundaries with Hayden and recognize that Rory isn’t going to go away so you either need to live with that and find a compromise like not having him there for dates (which honestly should be assumed imo huge over reach for Rory to be there for your anniversary), or you just gotta end it because he isn’t leaving Rory until something bad enough happens to snap him out of it.
Tiny-Bison4062 − Nta, but that’s his other boyfriend. He cares way more about how he feels over you. If someone tells you who they are, believe them. Come on, man, he ran after him.
LawyerDad1981 − They are obviously in some kind of relationship, whether or not it is s**ual (although I’d say it very likely could be) they are very co-dependent on each other and, no doubt due to past trauma, attached at the hip.
I think it is a safe bet that EACH would say, if they were to admit it, that the other is the most important person in their lives. You’re busy bashing Rory, but Hayden’s behavior is not only just as bad, it’s EXACTLY the same. Is this the relationship you want to be in?. NTA.
Is the boyfriend right to set boundaries with Rory, or did he overstep? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!