AITA for judging my husband after he introduced me to his friend’s mistress?
‘A woman, 25, is upset after her husband introduced her to a friend’s mistress, believing she was the man’s wife. Upon discovering the truth, she expressed her concerns about her husband’s circle of friends, many of whom cheat on their spouses.
This led to an argument, as she feels uncomfortable associating with people who lack good values, while her husband believes she is judging him for his friends’ actions, which he cannot control. Read the original story below:
‘AITA for judging my husband after he introduced me to his friend’s mistress?’
So me (25f) and my husband (30m) went out to dinner with this friend he’s always talking about and I didn’t got the chance to meet before.Husband told me he’s married with kids, and he’s always inviting us out but we have kids too, I am a SAHM with no support system close by, so in order to go out we had to arrange child care.
I asked who’s coming to dinner and he mentions this friend and “his girl”, other couple that I do know and us. Dinner was really nice, I had a great time and actually clicked immediately with this woman, most of my husband’s friends are bachelors so I found it cool that he’s friends with this couple I can relate more to, we even planned a trip during the dinner and they showed us all this amazing places they’ve traveled to.
When is time to leave we all got out of the restaurant but she’s on the restroom, it’s freezing cold so we said bye and I told his friend “say bye to your wife, it was really nice to meet her” he looked at me, laughed and says “she’s not my wife” I am SHOCKED so I go like “oh sorry my bad”
We got in the car and I’m speechless, so my husband asks me what’s wrong and I asked him what was that about, isn’t she the mother of his kids? Is she basically his mistress? He explained to me that he’s on an arranged religious marriage so it’s different and “this is the girl he actually loves and takes everywhere”
That doesn’t make me feel better at all cause a lot of our arguments are about me feeling like the trophy wife holding it down at home while he’s living his best life with his bachelor friends, I know at least other 2 friends of his that cheat openly on their wives the same exact way,
and he always says he’s nobody to judge them, so I told him I just think is sh*tty that most of your friends play to have wifey at home taking care of the kids while they’re out living their best bachelor lives, and that if it was me the one always hanging out with c**ater he would feel some type of way too.
I can honestly say I relate to my closest friends, they’re good woman with good values, I don’t see how I could hang out regularly with cheaters and woman I simply don’t relate to, so at this point I’m just not buying it that he’s the only one different in his friends circle.
I don’t know if I’m being insecure, but I really feel stupid, and now he’s the one that’s upset because I ruined the night based on something that is out of his control and that he’s nobody to judge his friends personal life.
Tl:DR husband introduced me to his friend mistress on a dinner and the whole time I thought she was his wife and mother of his kids, I found out when we’re saying bye, got upset at husband cause with this is already a couple of his friends that I know cheat openly on their wives, and he got upset at me because that something out of his control and I’m judging him for somebody else actions.. AITA?
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
FairyFartDaydreams − NTA Birds of a feather flock together is an expression for a reason. I would be questioning your husbands values if all his friends cheat
TailorElectronic4980 − If he surrounds himself with cheaters best believe he’s cheating dude. He’s getting defensive because he sees you starting to put the pieces of the puzzle together
Maya2661 − NTA. If your husband support cheating people then I would wonder how his moral functions. Is he cheating on you? Can you trust him?
Cute-Profession9983 − If he only hangs out with bachelors and cheaters, well… You’re judged by the company you keep, and your player husband is a walking red flag of infidelity…
abstractengineer2000 − “he’s on an arranged religious marriage so it’s different” OP’s husband comment is idiotic. No religion supports mistresses. if he says this is allowed, Op might want to take a good look at her husband. The other guy is a c**ater. and he who associates and excuses c**ater might be one himself
adobeacrobatreader − NTA. Dont believe him OP. I come from a culture with a lot of religious arranged marriages and its not like they can go out and have s** with anyone they want while the wife is at home. Matter of fact, its even more strict when it comes to modesty and loyalty.
Your husband has surrounded himself with cheaters, people who have no morals and he is fine with it. That says something about his own morals no? I could never be with someone who would actively invite people like that into my life or even make me go out to eat dinner with them.
I also know from experiance that when you have a friend group with a lot of cheaters, more often than non, everyone of them is doing it and just hiding it well.
VengefulShade6 − You seem to have wandered into a Cheaters episode. I apologize, but I believe you have good reason to be upset and wonder if your husband’s friends are a healthy influence. Since communication is essential in any relationship, it might be time to have a serious discussion about limits and ideals. NTA.
Wrong_Moose_9763 − If he doesn’t want to judge them that’s his choice, but you know what, that doesn’t stop people from judging him (your husband) and that includes you, his co workers, family, etc. If you hang out with cheaters, you are no better than them and that s**t is going to rub off.
I’d be second guessing everything if my husband was friends with someone like this. YUK.
LA-forthewin − NTA. Show me your friends and I’ll show you who you are. Your husband has shown you what his values are like. He doesn’t think that cheating is a problem.
If you’re a SAH you’d better have a back up plan, otherwise in a couple of years you’ll be wifey sitting home ,dependent on a cheat.While he swans around town with his girlfriend and his friends. None of whom will bat an eyelid at it
kimmycook − NTA- I would seriously question my husband’s morals if he kept company with people who commonly cheat. Does he know his friends wives? Is he friendly with them? To me, that would make it worse. That he could smile and be polite, all while knowing his friend -her husband- is a c**ater.
Also I asked for my guys perspective with a role reversal- hey if I took you to dinner with my girlfriend and man you -rightly- assumed was her husband.. but at the end we laugh it off and say no, that’s the man she actually loves. She stays with her husband for the family. (Probably financial reasons) What would you think about it?
First he said he would be upset with me for not giving him a heads up… But with a heads up he said he wouldn’t go because he wouldn’t feel right about it.
I think this says a lot about your husband as a person, and his morals. Maybe he isn’t cheating but I would say it’s something he wouldn’t really have a problem with. It’s something to think about. Good luck.
Is she justified in her feelings about her husband’s friends, or is she overreacting? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!