AITA for Buying Gifts for My Students While My Co-Teacher Refuses to Contribute?

A Reddit user shared a dilemma about spending personal money on gifts for her students while her co-teacher refuses to contribute. Despite being equal partners in the classroom, the Redditor frequently invests in supplies and treats for the children, while her co-teacher won’t contribute and expects to take credit for the gifts.

This year, the Reddit user spent $100 on Christmas gifts for the kids and decided not to include her co-teacher’s name on the gifts, leading to tension and a complaint to HR. Read the full story below to see what happened next!

‘AITA for Buying Gifts for My Students While My Co-Teacher Refuses to Contribute?’

I co-teach at a preschool called Headstart, and I’m in an equal partnership with my co-teacher. Every month, I spend my own money to provide for my class, whether it’s for supplies or little treats for the children. My co-teacher, however, has a very different outlook.

She’s primarily focused on herself (which I understand and respect to an extent), and she doesn’t believe the families or children are deserving of her personal money. She won’t contribute anything, whether it’s for class gifts or supplies.

Every time I purchase something for the kids, she expects me to share whatever I’ve bought, claiming it’s a gift from both of us. This Christmas, I spent $100 on gifts for my students, plus additional classroom gifts. However, I decided not to include her name on the gifts I gave, as I was the one who put in the effort and funds.

To my surprise, she went to HR over it, though they laughed off her concerns. Now I’m wondering—am I the asshole here for spending my own money on the kids while my co-teacher refuses to contribute?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

duke_of_ted −  NTA. I don’t know what salaries you make, but based on what I’ve heard about the state of teacher pay in our nation (assuming you are US based), $100 could be quite a lot. The real AH is our lack of proper investment in our education system to make this less of an issue. That said of course, you are free to spend on what you wish.

JaguarZealousideal55 −  ESH. Of course she should not take credit for what you bought with your own money. And it is very kind and generous for you to do so. However, you are one of those creating an unreasonable culture in the school.

The students are now expecting all teachers to give, and view your collegue less favorably for not doing so. You are basically buying their favor. The teachers in your school should start talking to each other and stop this culture.

Your employer should give each class a small budget to be able to do these things for the children. Things will never change as long as the underpaid teachers continue putting band-aid on the bleeding wound with their own money.

bvandele −  NAH here, unfortunately you are creating a situation where she will be viewed as a worse teacher because she isn’t spending her personal money on these kids.

It is a horrible situation because the kids deserve the level of care you show, but every time a teacher caves and takes care of the kids from her own bank, the administration uses it as an example of why they don’t need to pay it themselves

Lissypooh628 −  ESH. 1. You bought it so it’s from you. She doesn’t get to take credit for that. 2. I was, however, rubbed wrong by the way you said “she’s more about herself” because she doesn’t spend on the class. Maybe she can’t afford to.

noshingwithnovels −  NTA | I share the same sentiments as your HR department. She’s allowed to have the opinion that she doesn’t spend her personal money on the class, but if she wants her name on things, then she needs to contribute ½ upfront.

DenizenKay −  Personally i think you are a bit of an ass hole, for nothing more than keeping up this culture of teachers being forced to put their wages back into the classroom or look bad. the way you talk about your co teacher as if they are selfish, or self interested because they aren’t spending their wages on the class is, frankly, icky AF.

You’re ingratiating yourself to your students at the expenses of the other teacher, and that feels like a bit of a rotten power play. Y’all should be working together, not against each other.. ESH.

hadMcDofordinner −  You should not be spending your/this much money on students. Teachers give enough to their students throughout the year and don’t get paid for all the hours they put in. Children don’t need to be taught that in every aspect of their lives, there will be gifts from the adults in charge.

A very basic, small-format Xmas card with a handwritten remark from you, something nice that they can be proud of or to encourage them, is much more useful and appropriate. NTA as you are doing what all the other teachers do these days, I imagine. But gifts are not what school is about.

MarketCompetitive896 −  Yta, sounds like a humble brag, you very subtly put your co-worker down on this public post. You clearly feel like you were better teacher than she is

good_kerfuffle −  Yta. And I don’t think youre doing this in a mean way but for some perspective-. You spending money on your kids may seem like a kind gesture but does set up the expectations for other teachers. It’s like working in your free time.

You might be able to pull it off but then when other teachers can’t finish 45 hours of work in 40 hours the admin doesn’t go to you and ask how you got it done. They go to the other teacher and say why aren’t you finishing xyz in alloted time?

ktjbug −  I think YTA because teachers shouldn’t have to feel pressure to spend on their classes and you’re creating that expectation implicitly by actively excluding her despite her having valid reasons. My mother was a career educator. My father was c suite.

She always had the means to do pretty much whatever but signed from everyone because it was about the kids, not her. I feel like if you gave her an option to help or participate in another way that doesn’t include out of pocket cost

(help wrap, take supplies you provide and assemble or whatever) and she declines then sure, do your thing and take all the credit. Make the only test of care for your student a means test is kind of s**tty though and your lack of empathy or consideration about trying to make this somewhat equitable as the higher earning person is kind of crummy.

Do you think the user’s actions were fair given the effort and money she put into the gifts, or was her co-teacher right to expect recognition? How would you handle a situation where a colleague refuses to contribute to a shared responsibility? Share your thoughts and opinions below!