AITA allowing fam to use my home address?

A Redditor finds herself in a heated family conflict over her husband’s sister, who has been using their home address for legal matters despite not living there for years. After her husband firmly told her to change her address, she insulted him and continued to have her mail delivered to their home.

When they returned her mail, she received an important legal document and became furious, claiming it was their fault for returning it. Now, the family is divided, with some siding with her and others supporting the couple’s decision to enforce boundaries. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA allowing fam to use my home address?’

So my husband’s sister is rude and entitled. One of her recent stunts was that even though she does not live with us and has not lived with us for years, she decided to use our home address for legal purposes. My husband immediately told her that was not okay with us and to change her address.

She proceeded to insult my husband calling him names etc. so of course when her mail arrived we returned the mail. Lo an behold she received some important legal doc and now she’s livid because she says we returned her mail.

Another family member came over unannounced upset about the whole situation saying that it was not nice for my husband to treat his sister that way. I stayed quiet because it is not my place but I told my husband he shouldn’t feel bad about putting boundaries with toxic family members.

His sister is throwing a fit calling multiple family members, crying over the phone about how she has to pay additional lawyer fees now. Even as I write this post the more ridiculous his sister’s behavior becomes. Anyway, am I the a**hole?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Natural_Garbage7674 −  NTA. She’s probably using your address so that people don’t know where she is, I’m guessing legal trouble. This has the double effect of you acting as a kind of receptionist/gatekeeper for her and you running all the risk of anyone coming to look for her.

Make sure that all the relatives know to tell your SIL that she can use *their* address, since it’s not a big deal to them but it is to you. And if anyone comes looking for her, make sure to send them to the family, too. Since they’re so close and all.

East_Parking8340 −  Several things come to mind. By using your address on her documents it means she has a legal right to be there. For example if she gets in to your home and you call the police all she has to do is show her driving license and they’ll go away as she will have done nothing wrong, legally.

The legal documents worry me quite a bit. I realise you didn’t snoop into them but she hasn’t tried to get a loan on your home has she?

1 – If she has any legal woes it will be to your home the peace officers will appear. Regularly. The police, justifiably, don’t believe it when relatives say ‘no, X doesn‘t live here’

2 – it is possible you will be mistaken for her and be arrested. This is no exaggeration, just look at the news.

3 – If she owes money it is into your home that the collections agency will try to force themselves. Some, less upstanding ones will even clamp or take **your** vehicles.

4 – If she owes money it is your belongings they will try to confiscate to settle the debt (you’d have to prove that it’s your property via receipt).

5 – it is, in fact, illegal for her to do this.

6 – she could have set up a shady company with your address marked as the official address.

7 – it could be a school district thing – again illegal and with ramifications for you.

Goes without saying, both of you are NTA but you need to be proactive before it’s too late.

Skankyho1 −  Go no contact with her and anyone else who is telling you off for refusing to let her use your address as a mailing address.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. There are so many legal complications that can arise from that. Who is she hiding from that she can’t use her own address? Those people could come knocking on your door looking for her. The relatives who are giving you problems should volunteer their own address to your sister.

thepatriot74 −  Having mail delivered to your address, especially some sort of official letters actually establishes her residence at your place. She can simply show up one day and start squatting for months until you go to court to evict her, lol.

I am serious, it’s a thing, and cops are likely to help her enter your house if you try to refuse. So you gotta be more involved in this, not just providing moral support. As in, telling your SIL to GTFO with that BS and returning the mail yourself and informing the post office about this. NTA.

Yellow-Rose2790 −  INFO: why is she attempting to use your address as her legal address?

Any_Dragonfruit4130 −  NTA. Your sister in law is extremely entitled. I think he should go NC for awhile.

celticmusebooks −  YEARS ago a friend’s sister did the same thing and used the “legal mailing address” to squat in her home for almost two years. Having your mail forwarded to another address where you don’t live sans the express permission of the legal resident of that property is considered “identity fraud” and can also depending on the reasons behind the fraud can be charged as actual mail fraud.

Did his sister say WHY she needed to get mail at your address? Honestly, I’d run a credit report on both you, your husband and any children with all three bureaus ASAP and strongly urge you to freeze your credit for your entire family as well.

I’d also consider writing a formal letter to the postmaster of your zipcode informing them that your SIL does not live at your address and has attempted to fraudulently use your address to receive her mail. It starts a paper trail if she tries anything else.

bg77577 −  She could also use the fact that she gets mail at your house to claim she lives there and could literally come for a visit and then not leave until you evict her. Take pictures of all of her mail with return to sender on them before sending it back as proof it if is needed. Don’t tell anyone you are doing it. No need ti stir up trouble but you will have it if ever needed.

Own-Banana-6839 −  NTA – this could cause you legal issues and could effect your credit. There could be a valid reason she doesn’t want certain documents going to her home – perhaps have a chat with her (i.e. she could be trying to leave a potentially violent relationship). Suggest she uses a PO Box if she doesn’t want her address to be used.

Do you think the Redditor and her husband are right to set boundaries with toxic family members, or should they have been more accommodating? How would you handle a situation like this with a difficult family member? Share your thoughts!