Husband (35m) thinks I’m (26F) too big. What should I do?

A Reddit user shared their frustration after their husband commented that he preferred her when she was skinnier, despite her having worked hard to gain muscle for health and strength. The user, who is a nurse, has gained 20 pounds of muscle over the last few months,

and while she feels stronger and more confident, her husband’s comments about her body being “too big” have left her feeling hurt and unsupported. She is now questioning how to approach the situation and communicate her feelings without causing conflict.

‘ Husband (35m) thinks I’m (26F) too big. What should I do? ‘

I’ve always been naturally skinny, and for a long time, I wanted to get fitter and more muscular. At 130lbs and 5’7”, I felt like I wasn’t quite where I wanted to be physically. So, I started going to the gym regularly, and my husband and I even began working out together.

We both set a goal to gain mass, and over the course of the last few months, we each gained about 20 pounds—mostly muscle. Everything was going great, and I was starting to feel stronger and healthier than I had ever felt before. I was proud of my progress and my body.

But then, the other night, my husband said something that completely threw me off. He told me he preferred me when I was skinnier, back at 130lbs. That comment really stung. I’ve been working so hard to build muscle, especially in my legs and glutes, and the last thing I expected was for him to basically dismiss all that effort.

I don’t have massive arms or anything; it’s mostly just added muscle in my lower body. To make matters worse, he keeps saying that I’m “too big” now, and it feels like he’s criticizing my appearance in a way that’s really hurtful. I’ve worked so hard for these gains, and I feel like I’ve made positive changes to my body.

I’m not just lifting for aesthetics—I’m lifting for strength and health. As a nurse, the extra muscle actually helps me with my job. I can lift patients more easily, and I don’t feel like I’m completely wiped out at the end of a long shift anymore. I feel stronger, more capable, and more confident.

So, naturally, I’m upset. I feel like my husband’s comments are undermining the hard work I’ve put in and the positive changes I’ve made for myself. Am I overreacting, or am I justified in feeling hurt by his words? I’m feeling torn because I know he cares about me,

but this situation is making me question whether he truly supports my goals and the changes I’m making for my own well-being. What should I do? How can I talk to him about how his words made me feel without escalating things too much?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Trblmker77 −  As you age that muscle is harder to build. Having strong muscles will be so beneficial to your overall health when you are older. Tell him to kick rocks and keep lifting, 85 year old you will appreciate it.

bricreative −  Let me guess, you were 19 and he was 29 when you met.

Imperiochica −  You just need to consider if you want to be with someone who values thinness over fitness/health. Is that something you’re willing to sacrifice to stay attractive to him? Personally I’d be out. 

KhansKhack −  Can’t fathom being upset my wife put on 20lbs of muscle mostly in legs and ass. Lol.

succybuss −  yours is the kind of age gap that i tend to not raise my eyebrows at UNTIL the older party starts acting like this. i don’t know if this applies to this situation, but there are so many times i’ve seen young women get with older men only for them to be thrown out once they stop resembling teenagers,

because these guys value “the appearance of youth” (aka getting to bang someone they can pretend is a 15 year old) over anything else. if he’s acting like this over an objectively positive body change, how would he behave if you get pregnant and you get softer and covered in stretch marks?

how would he behave if your thyroid failed and you gained a bunch of weight? is he here through sickness and in health or is he here in skinny youthfulness and nothing else?

motherdisxo −  I weight lift and when I started was around 120-130 at 5’8 and rn I’m 150 but in the best shape I’ve ever been. Being this height we can be this heavy and girl you should be PROUD that you have this muscle.

Sometimes I have a hard time looking at the way I used to look but I realize that this was the goal all along. Don’t let him ruin your progress bc he’s emasculated. Keep lifting girl, it’s not for him anyway

Teakay23 −  I’m sure you’ve already gotten the advice on what to do with the husband but I just wanted to say, I’m a 5’6″ man who started at 130 lbs and trying to get to 150 lbs at the gym and really struggling with it. You ma’am are an inspiration. Thank you and keep being fit and strong.

missannthrope1 −  Tell him that sounds like a “you” problem, not a “me” problem.

Sarias7474 −  Lose 200lbs. Happens the second you sign divorce papers

ReloadRestart −  Just respond with “Yeah, I preferred you back when you were smarter….”