How do i make it clear to my girlfriend(27f) that me(28m) and my female best friend(27f) are not in love?

A 28-year-old man is struggling to reassure his girlfriend (27F) that his deep, lifelong friendship with his best friend (27F) is entirely platonic. Despite his efforts to ease her concerns.

The girlfriend feels threatened and has even asked him to cut back on contact. With tensions rising, he’s torn between keeping his best friend in his life and maintaining his relationship. Read his full story below.

‘ How do i make it clear to my girlfriend(27f) that me(28m) and my female best friend(27f) are not in love?’

I want to start this by saying i do not have any feelings for my best friend and see her as a little sister. Aria and i have been best friend since we were 3/4 years old. Our moms became best friends and often brought us as well so we grew up together.

I see her as a little sister and has been there for me throughout my whole life. Melissa and i started dating a few months ago and started only recently complaining about Aria. Aria has always been nice to her and tries to be friends with her, for example always invites her when we hang out or she goes out with other friends.

Melissa always declines. At the start of our relationship she never voiced these problems so i thought everything was good. recently she tried to tell me how Aria has feelings for me and i for her but i keep reassuring her that that isn’t the case. But she doesn’t listen.

Me and Aria have been taking a break from each other because doesn’t want to ruin my relationship. Before anyone says, i do care aboout Melissa. I love her to bits and show it almost everyday. But i feel hurt that she doesn’t want me hanging out with Aria anymore, or atleast less than we do. Aria and i hang out like twice a week.

Let me also mention that Aria also has a husband. They have been dating for 5 years and married for 2 years of that. But that still doesn’t ease Melissa’s mind. She just wants me to not see her anymore. How can i make her see that i do not have any feelings for Aria and that i love her only?

If Aria and i had feelings we would already act on it but that never happened. I see her as my family. My mom thinks Melissa is overreacting. I do as well but i don’t want to lose her, She already threathened to leave. How can i make it clear to her? I don’t want to lose Melissa, but i also don’t want to lose Aria. Please help!

These are the responses from Reddit users:

worthless_01 −  I’d say – ask Melissa why she thinks Aria has feelings for you. How does Aria, supposedly, express it? Because the problem here is that women often have a lot of rivalry and covert wars that men don’t pick up on.

It’s all in snide comments that pass for a “good advice” – “oh, you should have worn a different dress. this one is not flattering on you”
or there’s a whole lot of “i know him better than you” song and dance when the female friend one-ups the girlfriend on things they know about the boyfriend.

or the female friend being touchy and that’s ok because “that’s how she always was”. Melissa could be right or paranoid and it’s hard to tell unless you ask her for examples of Aria’s behaviors that struck her as inappropriate.

Fanoflif21 −  The problem is we all know the friendship that became more. I fell in love with my best friend and luckily we were both single and even luckier still somehow he fell for me too (it’s been nearly 40 years and I’m still punching).

Liking someone a lot and knowing them really well is a strong basis for romance and it’s hard for your partner to look past that.

Enough-Pack7468 −  How do you treat Aria? If you don’t already, you should treat her like a dude. No hugging, hand holding, touching, cheek kissing, sitting close together, telling her she looks beautiful, cute nicknames, etc.

I know opposite s** friends who behave this way and, while there is nothing wrong with it, once one begins a new relationship it either leads to problems with their partners or they pull back to obvious “buddy” behavior to keep the boundaries very clear.

Own-Writing-3687 −  This best friends post appears once a week as rage bait.. Do your GF a favor and break up.
You are not emotionally available as a partner to anyone.

Momma2Grace −  My suggestion, only hang out with Aria when the girlfriend is around. Maybe double dates? That way your girlfriend can see the difference in how aria acts around you vs her husband.

Also knowing that her husband is cool with it could help. I think if you approach it as wanting everyone to be friends and that Melissa is included, that could help things.

ThrowRA0890910 −  Ooof this is tough. I have been your gf in this situation. I guess I would say, tell her that you met when you were children. It’s not until boys are like 12 or something, that they start being attracted to most girls they meet.

If you want to keep both girls in your life, I would suggest you always make sure you treat your friend, as you would any other friend. Just ‘cause she’s a girl doesn’t mean you can hug her all the time.

All I can say, and this is what I said to my ex, is that as you get older, your priorities need to change. When we’re young, our friends are most important… but as you get older, companionship becomes more important. And your gf not wanting you to be close to other women is not at all unreasonable. Best of luck!

Obvious_Fox_1886 −  Do you hang out with Aria …one on one or is her husband there every time?? 

No_Ad_770 −  Just to be clear, I don’t think you should ditch a friend of 23 years for someone you’ve known a few months. Whether you love Melissa or not. People who entertain cutting people out for zero reason other than to soothe their partner’s insecurities, are fickle people.

Another argument is, if Melissa doesn’t trust you, you two are probably not going to have a healthy relationship. She cannot watch you all the time. If you tell her you’re not interested in Aria, she needs to accept that or move on.

NYCStoryteller −  You have to just tell Aria NO, you will not be cutting Melissa out of your life, and if that’s a dealbreaker for her, then consider it broken. You have been friends since you were in pre-K, she’s happily married, and she’s like a sister. The end.. It’s really not up for debate.

Your partner doesn’t get to dictate who you can be friends with, period. That’s the standard you really have to set from the jump when you have a long-time close friend that is of the same gender of the people you’d like to date.

You have to let dealbreakers break sometimes. The more you try to accommodate Melissa, the more she pushes Aria out of your life. This is a “give her an inch, she’ll take a mile” type of thing.

The RIGHT woman for you is going to be confident enough that she won’t feel threatened by your married female childhood friend, she’ll make an effort to befriend her and get all the dirt on your childhood secrets.

Balancing a romantic relationship and a close friendship can be tricky, especially when jealousy arises. Should he give his girlfriend more reassurance or set firmer boundaries about his friendship? How would you navigate this situation? Share your insights below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/diCvI