AITA. MIL constantly shows favoritism for my son and I’m tired of it.

A Reddit user shares their frustration with their MIL, who consistently shows favoritism toward their oldest son over their two younger daughters. Despite appreciating her generosity.

The user feels hurt seeing the unequal treatment, especially after experiencing similar dynamics in their own childhood. Now, they wonder if speaking up would make them the jerk. Read the full story below for the full context and details.

‘ AITA. MIL constantly shows favoritism for my son and I’m tired of it. ?’

My MIL constantly shows favoritism for our son, he is our oldest. We have two other daughters. She’s always had the strangest relationship with him (she has two other grandsons) but she always says stuff like “I just feel so close to him”, “he is just the sweetest, I feel a special connection to him”.

We moved away from her when he was about 2.5 yrs old and we added our 2 daughters into our family afterwards, therefore she didn’t get to really be around them as much as she was with my son, we have visited them, she has visited, so she has gotten to form some kind of relationship with them but still,

she shows a lot of favoritism with my son. This really bothers me because I grew up in a similar situation where my brother was the favorite when it came to my mom’s family showing their favoritism for him. Today, my MIL sent us a screenshot of what she sent the kids for Christmas.

She got each of my daughters two gifts, and my son 4, and then sent a message saying she might buy him more gifts because she feels like she didn’t get him enough. Now, I greatly appreciate her even getting them anything, but I’m bothered by again, her clearly showing favoritism here. So, would I be a j**k for saying something?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

PatieS13 −  You’re 100% NTA. When my daughter was pregnant with my grandson, she was living at home and the father wasn’t in the picture, so I took her to all of her doctor appointments and was in the room when my grandson was born.

I even got to do skin to skin with him in the hospital, and then they lived with me for the first 10 months of his life and I babysat him almost all the time. He and I formed a strong bond, as you would imagine.

When my granddaughter came along, I was concerned that I wouldn’t feel as close to her as I did to my grandson, and that did in fact happen in the beginning. I did my best not to show favoritism, because my grandparents did that to my cousins, and they resented them horribly.

I’ve always been careful to not get one of them more than the other and have tried not to favor him over her and thought I was doing fine. However, my daughter confronted me recently to let me know that I was doing exactly that.

My first instinct was to react with an explanation of why I’m closer to my grandson than my granddaughter, but then I realized that none of that mattered and that she was in a better position than I to see it.

So instead, I thanked my daughter for pointing it out to me and asked her to help me do better going forward. Clearly your mother-in-law doesn’t seem to mind her favoritism, so it’s up to you to nip this in the bud, and I think you’re doing a fine job.

ironchef8000 −  Everything she said (and you relayed) was understandable about her having a much closer bond with the grandchild she got to see regularly. She cannot help how she feels about each, and if he’s the one she’s closest with then so be it.

However, what she can help are her actions. And doing things that display the favoritism and rub it in the faces of the other two kids is just not ok. NTA

Electronic-Smile-457 −  You need to stop this now, before they get older. Say something and insist on fairness. So you know, this will eventually hurt your son as much as your daughters. He will feel weird about it and possibly even guilty that he is treated better.

I used to get so angry that my brother was treated better by our mom, but, boy, did he suffer, too. The dependence the grand mother will have on him won’t do him any favors.

EndiWinsi −  NTA. My mum used to be in your shoes. My grandma apparently did not acknowledge my little brother when she gave me some money but not my brother. My mother was fed up and told her half of it would go to my sibling. She got the message.

Tell your MIL all the kids get the same amount of presents or your son’s surplus will be redistributed among the girls, no matter what it is. If she is conservative concerning gender related toys it might p**s her off but it could work to your advantage.

Ok-Inspection-5768 −  I don’t think you’re the a**hole. I was my granddad’s favorite. Everyone has their favorite. Parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles alike.

BUT the difference is: saying it out loud and making it known, or still treating all your grandchildren the same and then thinking afterwards “man, I love that little boy / that little girl just so damn much”. Maybe slipping them an extra chocolate, what have you.

But you wanting your children to not be faced with that very obvious favoritism in front of the other children is not an a**hole move at all. I think it will potentially cause some problems and they probably won’t be very understanding, because to them they’re not doing anything wrong.

But it is absolutely not fair to the other two that your son gets so much more and *then* some. It also has a bitter aftertaste how your MIL is doing her best to impress your son and almost makes sure that HE doesn’t forget who’s being EXTRA NICE to her special little boy… idk, it’s just icky.

Her not knowing the other two that well is not a good enough argument, in my opinion. Tell her. Be kind, but firm. You are allowed to voice your opinion regarding your children 🙂 Good luck with everything!

adiposegreenwitch −  YWBTA if you DON’T say something. She has every reason to have a closer bond with him. She can’t help that. But set a boundary firmly that she cannot buy more gifts for one kid than the others.

Slightlysanemomof5 −  Husband gets to chat with his mom that’s normal to sometimes prefer one child over others, BUT she keeps that information inside her head. She is never again to say it out loud .

She also must not favor one child over the other with gifts. It must be equal because you will not let her upset your children so some children feel less than favored sibling. Been there done that and it was a very unpleasant conversation, including us threatening to block visit and gifts if things are not moderately equal. NTA

Winterfox1994 −  Not sure on her age but I find some of the older generation still rooted in that male favouritism from when they were young.

Like growing up some relatives were very much that all the girls cook dinner and clear up after the men while they all sit there and get pampered type which unfortunately is still so common today because men aren’t taught to be self sufficient the same way women are. Maybe that’s an influence.

Trishypop −  NTA. It’s totally reasonable to want to keep the gift-giving playing field level for your kids. Favoritism, especially this obvious, can really stir up feelings of inequality among siblings. It’s good to appreciate that she’s giving at all, but it’s also important to address the imbalance.

Maybe have a calm chat with her about how the unequal gifts make your daughters feel and suggest ways she can connect with them too. It’s all about fostering a fair family environment, not setting up a mini competition for grandma’s affection every Christmas!

Kebar8 −  “Thank you very much for purchasing these gifts for your grandchildren. Thats very kind of you. I’m sure they will love their gifts.  We would prefer it if you didn’t purchase any further gifts for our son, as we want to keep it fair between all the grandkids.

Or we would like to have a similar amount of presents per child……..Thank you again Op” You need to mention something, you can be overly polite, you can get your husband to do it, something needs to be said. This is the first time your pointing this out, so I wouldn’t go too hard.  Nta 

Do you think the Redditor would be justified in addressing the favoritism to ensure all their children feel equally loved, or should they let it go to avoid family conflict? How would you handle a similar situation with a grandparent or family member? Share your thoughts and experiences below!