AITA for telling my husband’s dad and dad’s wife that I will not change our daughter’s name because it hurts the wife’s feelings?

A Reddit user and her husband chose to name their daughter after his late mother, whom he was deeply close to. However, the husband’s father and stepmother, Sharon, approached the user, claiming the name hurt Sharon’s feelings due to her contentious past with the late mother.

They requested the baby’s name be changed to something honoring Sharon instead. The user refused, stating that her child’s name wouldn’t change for Sharon’s feelings. Now, they’re being called rude and dismissive. Was this response fair, or did it ignore Sharon’s emotional history? Read the story below.

‘ AITA for telling my husband’s dad and dad’s wife that I will not change our daughter’s name because it hurts the wife’s feelings?’

My husband’s (29m) parents divorced when he was 2. His dad married again 2 years later. FIL’s wife is Sharon. Sharon and my late MIL, who died when my husband was 8, were on very bad terms. Sharon said my MIL made her life hell, wished her dead, laughed when she suffered three back to back miscarriages, tried to get CPS to take custody from FIL and her and tried to get her out of the picture for good with CPS.

Sharon said the only reason my husband never called her anything other than Sharon and has always seen her as an outsider is because of MIL. FILs own siblings have said this is not accurate and Sharon and MIL just disliked each other. That yeah, MIL was dismissive of Sharon’s role at times and didn’t regard her as equal in parenting, but was nowhere near as bad as Sharon and FIL claim.

When my MIL died my husband’s relationship with FIL and with Sharon deteriorated significantly. He forbid them from attending the funeral for him and said if they tried to come he would run away until he was placed with other family members.

My husband told me about this himself. FIL and Sharon said they feared my husband would start lashing out at them and Sharon was pregnant at the time so they gave in. They say my husband hates them for not being there. He said them following through and not going is one of the better decisions they made and he hates that he had to yell and threaten to run away for them to stop insisting.

By the time we met in college he was pretty low on contact with them. There has been some more in the last couple of years but barely. I got the whole story from him and how rocky stuff was there and I knew he never planned to be very close to them.

Sharon calls my husband her son, she actually introduced herself to me as his mom, and was shocked that I knew she wasn’t his mom. I haven’t met her or FIL too much. I know my husband’s extended family far better. He’s much closer to them than FIL, Sharon or his half siblings.

I gave birth to our daughter recently and we named her after MIL. My husband did not invite FIL or Sharon to meet our daughter but they found out via social media about the name we chose and they reached out to ask him why. Then they approached me at the mall a couple of days ago and asked me to talk to them. They told me they found out her name and they wanted to know why we’d do that to Sharon and how could I be okay with my daughter being used to hurt her feelings.

They said I should insist on a different name. Maybe something after Sharon because she’s been here all this time. But definitely not a name that hurts her feelings so much. I told them I will not change my child’s name because it hurts her feelings and that isn’t even on a list of things to consider for us. I didn’t want to hear more so I left. But we are getting inundated with texts from them calling me rude and disgusting for dismissing Sharon’s feelings.. AITA?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

United-Signature-414 −  how could I be okay with my daughter being used to hurt her feelings. Imagine thinking a man named his child after his dead mother *at* you. This says a whole lot about why the relationship with the stepmom never flourished. NTA at all.

Financial_Bear_5071 −  NTA and hand this back to your husband to deal with. He’s done a great job of putting them back in their place throughout his life, and this is just one more time. NtA.

dncrmom −  NTA Sharon seems to be suffering from main character syndrome. The name of your child has nothing to do with her. Your husband barely has a relationship with her. Suggest therapy.

cutie_likes_bag22 −  Why FIL and Sharon felt it was appropriate to approach a newborn’s mother and demand a name change is the actual question. Unquestionably NTA.

Bad2bBiled −  NTA. Their behavior in blindsiding you with a “conversation” in which they place themselves at the center of the birth of your child says that your husband has been making the right choices all along.

Silly_Dragonfly4 −  NTA, but save yourself a lot of drama and grief and just go NC. They will not change and you should focus on your daughter and husband and those who love and respect you.

Loose-Fold6570 −  So Sharon’s mad your husband wouldn’t call her Mom when he already had a mom? And she’s mad his mom didn’t treat her like an equal third parent? And they also believe that your husband actually WANTED them at his mom’s funeral when he said otherwise?…Have you figured out why they think Sharon was more worthy of having your kid named after her than his own mom?

Do they really believe she was more of a mom to him than his own mom was even though your husband and Sharon weren’t close? I can’t imagine how deep their enmity was with his bio mom that they think naming your kid after her was designed to hurt them. It does sound like they don’t live in reality. I mean why would Sharon be surprised your husband would tell you – his wife – that she was his stepmom and not his real mom especially if he grew up with his mom???

turninggnome −  My mom died when I was 13. My dad remarried shortly after that. His wife and I were never close for various reasons. I have one daughter. She is named after my mom. If I had had 10 daughters, none of them would have been named after dad’s wife – not in any way, shape, or form.

StrangeBotwin7 −  You’ll have to cut them off if you dont want them to whisper poison in your baby’s ear.

VastConsideration126 −  You can still honor Sharon!! The Bronx Zoo gives out certificates for Valentine’s Day. You can name a hissing cockroach after someone. I would pay to name the cockroach Sharon and then send her the certificate.