AITA for excluding my obese friend from rock climbing?

A Redditor shared a situation where she and her friends went to a new rock climbing center, but one of her friends, who is obese, was told she couldn’t participate due to weight restrictions on the harness. When the friend asked them to do something else instead, the group, eager to try rock climbing, decided to continue without her.

Upset, the friend left and later accused them of being inconsiderate and making her feel excluded because of her weight. The Redditor now wonders if she was wrong for not considering her friend’s feelings. Read the full story below and decide for yourself.

‘ AITA for excluding my obese friend from rock climbing?’

There’s this new rock climbing centre that just opened up at the mall. My (17F) group of eight friends were in town when I suggested we go try it out. However, when we got there, one of my friends was pulled aside and told to weigh herself. She’s technically obese, and they told her that she couldn’t participate since she weighed too much for the harness.

She was extremely upset by this and started crying. She then asked the rest of us if we could do something else instead. However, everyone else really wanted to try rock climbing, and we didn’t want to miss about because of one person. I said we could hang out with her after we finished, but she just went straight home.

The next day, she texted us saying that we were f**e friends for abandoning her and making her feel excluded for her weight. She said I was s**fish for even suggesting rock climbing without considering her weight, because I’d assumed that she weighed enough for the equipment. I told her that it wasn’t our fault that she wasn’t allowed in, but she said the rest of us should’ve stood by her. AITA?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

riontach −  I’m going with YTA. If I’m understanding your post, you guys were already out together when you decided to try it. You could have gone and done something else when you found out one friend would be excluded and gone rock climbing on a different day without her.

It’s not like this was a dedicated trip for the purpose of rock climbing. And you really expected her to sit around alone and wait for you guys to finish? For real? It’s pretty clear how little you value this friend.

hannahkelli −  YTA. It’s fair enough that you didn’t know going into it that she wouldn’t be able to participate, but continuing with the plans and excluding her even though she was already upset and humiliated was not the behavior of decent friends.

If you all still wanted to do the climbing, you easily could have rescheduled for another time, but you only valued your own wants and feelings and 100% disregarded hers – that’s not the behavior of someone who cares about another person.

anothertypicalcmmnt −  YTA I think doing something that includes everyone present is what good friends would do for each other. She was understandably incredibl\[y\] embarrassed and upset by the situation, and you gave no reason why you and the others HAD to go rock climbing that day.

I mean imagine you and \[a\] group of friends decided to go somewhere, and you found out your friend in a wheelchair couldn’t participate because the building/event wasn’t wheelchair accessible – would you also tell that friend “sorry, we’re still going to go in”?

Or if you invited a group of people out to eat and you found out the restaurant had no vegetarian options for the vegetarian in the group – would you tell them “sorry, but we really want to try this restaurant.” and ditch them??

WickedAngelLove −  NAH. She’s not wrong for feeling slighted. And you guys aren’t wrong to still participate. It was 7 of you. However, I feel that everyone here should have been more mindful about the requirements.

But her leaving wasn’t wrong, what was she supposed to do, just sit their for an hour or more and wait on everyone to be done? If I were her friend, I would have probably opted out and did something with her so she wasn’t alone. That’s what friends do. But I think everyone messed up by not making sure this was an activity that everyone could do.

phred0095 −  I am fat. I know this because I’m 100 lb above the recommended weight. This causes a variety of problems. It was my choice. It’s my problem. It’s not anyone’s fault but my own.. Is that harsh? It’s the truth.

A bunch of us we’re going to go ziplining. So I quietly pulled out my phone and checked the weight restrictions. Then I made an excuse and said I had to leave for work. It’s my problem it was my choice. I wasn’t going to put that on my friends. And I wasn’t going to spoil their time because I let myself go to hell.

Recently the doctor put me on rebelsus. It’s like ozempic but it’s a pill. I lost 53 lb. Do you know how frustrating it is to lose 53 lb and realize that you’re still 75 to go? Lately I’m thinking that my friends who accommodated me weren’t really doing me a favor after all.

At this point I really wish somebody had given me some grief when I was only 75 lb overweight. This is your friend’s problem. It’s hers to solve not yours to accommodate. You’re not mocking her. You’re not calling her names. Good. The rest is up to her.

B_schlegelii −  YTA. You kinda just abandoned her. That’s an incredibly embarrassing situation and you all just left. Depending on how okay she is with her weight (most of my friends are on the larger side, they’re aware and fine with it) in the future maybe see if there’s any weight limits for things you want to do.

If there is, maybe do that activity with a different friend and do something without weight requirements with her. It’s SO embarrassing to be called out for not being within weight limits when you’re there, so if you can avoid that when you get there, it’s ideal. It’s not your fault she’s obese, but it’s how you chose to handle it. I wouldn’t ditch my friends to do something, especially if they were crying over it.

TZH85 −  YTA. Honestly, think the word obese triggers people. It colors the whole argument and makes people want to argue about whose fault her weight is. But that is beside the point.

Let’s say one of your friends couldn’t participate because of a broken leg. Would it be okay to let them sit alone and watch while all of you have fun when all they thought all you were doing this day was casually hang out together? Frankly, you and the people who are interested in trying it out can do so at any point you like.

But it’s bad manners to leave one friend out of the activity. If she really is your friend you should be concerned about how she feels and you would want her to have fun with you. Not let her watch from the sidelines while you have fun. So YTA.

If you had told her beforehand you wanted to go rock climbing she could have opted out and done something else with her time. You saw her cry and get distressed and yet that didn’t make you feel bad enough to reconsider. I don’t know about you, OP.

But I wouldn’t feel like having fun while I can see my friend cry alone on the sidelines. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself so I can see how she gets the impression that your friendship is f**e.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Look it’s not your job to determine whether or not your friend meets the restrictions for an activity. She knew you were going rock climbing, she should have looked into the logistics of it beforehand. You also offered to meet up after the activity was completed. Her expecting her friend group to revolve around her is just immaturity.

cleanpage4adirtygirl −  YTA….or you would be if I thought this was real. Most climbing harnesses have a minimum breaking strength of 15-25 kilinewtons. That is 3375-5620 pounds of force. Either you were rock climbing at some sadistic m**der trap run by someone with a weak spot for fat people, or this is a fat ppl are bad troll.

Why do people make up stories about things they know nothing about? Anyone whose done the slightest amount of rock climbing knows this is b**lshit.

MirabelleMac −  YTA. I get that you wanted to go climbing, but what you should have done was go do something else and gone back to climb when she wasn’t with you. I can’t believe you’re surprised that she just went home!