WIBTA if I told my dad’s partner’s sister she was completely out of line at his funeral?

A Redditor reflects on their father’s funeral two years ago, where their dad’s partner’s sister, Lucy, made a rude comment to their mother, who was helping arrange and attend the service. The mom kept quiet about the incident to avoid further tension, but now the Redditor has found out and is debating whether to confront Lucy about her inappropriate behavior. Read the full story below.

‘ WIBTA if I told my dad’s partner’s sister she was completely out of line at his funeral?’

My parents split up in the early 90s after 24 years of marriage, and eventually divorced. They remained on reasonably good terms, my dad would still visit my mum’s family, my mum is still invited to family events on dad’s side.

My mum has remained single, my dad had a number of partners and then around 12 years ago met Zara and they had a great relationship until my dad died suddenly two years ago. They were not married and did not live together, did not share finances and my brother and I were listed as his next of kin.

After dad died I had primary responsibility for organising the funeral. Dad’s bank account paid for the cremation, cars, officiant etc. I paid for flowers and for a “reception “and buffet lunch for 75 people afterwards. My mum was a great help with the organising and supporting my brother and I.

Zara was completely included in the planning. She chose dad’s final outfit, she contributed to the eulogy from the officiant, she had final say on the coffin, she chose some of the flowers for the coffin and she chose one of the three pieces of music in the service (one I chose, one dad had always said he wanted at his funeral so really he chose it).

On the day, there were six of us in the first car – me, my brother, my mum, Zara, her daughter and her sister Lucy, and the six of us sat together in the first pew. After the funeral at the reception, we had a display table set up with photos in frames and an album. The photos were contributed by us, by Zara, by the wider family and by mum.

My mum told me today that at one point, she had gone to move some of the photos as they had been knocked over, and Lucy barged her out of the way, told her it was not up to her to touch the photos and then said “I don’t know why you’re even here anyway, this is nothing to do with you.” My cousin’s wife has confirmed it as she witnessed it.

Mum didn’t tell me at the time because the day was hard enough and she knew I’d kick Lucy out if I knew, and that would have been hard for Zara. But now that I do know, I am absolutely furious with Lucy. My mum had every right to be there to pay her respects to her ex-husband with whom she had two children and who remained a friend after their divorce.

She had every right to be there because my brother and I wanted her there. She had every right to be there because my dad would have wanted her there. And even if she didn’t have the right to be there, it absolutely was not Lucy’s place to say so.

TLDR: my dad’s partner’s sister was horribly rude to my mum at his funeral two years ago but mum didn’t tell me because she knew I’d kick her (the sister) out. WIBTA if I told her that I know what she said and she was out of order?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

LoveBeach8 −  NTA. But do you really want to do that? It’s been 2 years. But if it’s something that’ll give you peace of mind, write her a note but only if Lucy was an adult at the time. If she was a teenager, however, “Zara” would feel the worst because her daughter’s actions would probably embarrass her greatly.

Gently tell her that you were terribly hurt and disappointed by her cruel words because your parents had always remained friends and nothing more. Be short and direct. Then end it. Do not communicate with her any further than that. Good luck!

[Reddit User] −  NTA. The question is why you want to tell her? Do you even have to talk to her now? I would simply ignore her. If you have to spend time in the same place as her, just be civil. If anybody wants to know why you’re frosty then you can tell them. Otherwise, why give them the satisfaction? Maybe you are thinking it will make you feel better but I doubt it will.

Advanced-Power991 −  NTA. but at this point is she worth investing the effort into? is there any positive outcome to this?

Spinnerofyarn −  It’s been two years. I would let it go because at this point, it’s been so long that bringing it up isn’t going to accomplish anything productive. Lucy quite likely is going to say she didn’t do that, didn’t remember it, and then you get into a who said what situation and it’s just not worth the aggravation. If it were two weeks or even two months ago, yes, but two years? Nope.

SheepPup −  I think you would be the a**hole, but to your mom if you did this. How your mother was treated not at all ok but it has been *two years* and all you’d be doing if you brought it up now is digging up old hurts and potentially making yourself and your mother look bad. *Your mother* was the one affected by this and she chose what she wanted to do.

Let it go and keep letting it go. What will calling Lucy out do *for your mother*? Will it make the hurt go away? Will it change Lucy’s behavior? Will it at all improve the situation or your mother’s life? Or will it just make you feel good and satisfy your anger?

I think it’s that last one, I think you are very mad right now because you just found out that your mother was treated poorly and you want to defend her and make yourself feel better but there’s nothing to defend her *from*. This is a hurt two years old with nothing to be gained by ripping it back open again.

RickRussellTX −  INFO: What outcome do you expect from this conversation, 2 years after your father’s funeral?

Playful_Robot_5599 −  YTA. This happened 2 years ago. If anyone has the right to be furious and address this, it’s your mom. Stop the second-hand drama and calm down.

Ellajiro −  Lucy really woke up that day and chose disrespect, huh? Your mom sounds like she handled it with class, but honestly, if it’s been eating at you for two years, you’re not wrong for calling Lucy out. She needs to learn funerals aren’t the place for her main character energy.

GRidgeflyover −  It’s ok to be mad, but are you really going to hunt down someone you haven’t seen in two years to tell them they were out of order.  The chances of an apology are slim and you’re just going to be madder afterwards.   Why even give this much effort to someone with no effect on your current life?  Let it go 

theZombieKat −  It has been 2 years, why bring it up now? in the weeks afterward it would have made sense but now. it’s just digging up ancient history. don’t bring it up unless somebody else dose.

Would addressing the situation now bring closure, or would it risk stirring up unnecessary conflict after two years? Should the focus remain on honoring the memory of the loved one, or does accountability matter in this case? Share your thoughts below!