WIBTA If I tell my friend she can only host her daughter’s birthday party at my house if she excludes my ex and his wife?
A Reddit user asks if they would be wrong for placing conditions on a friend who asked to host her daughter’s birthday party at their house. The user’s ex, who cheated on them with their former friend (now his wife), would likely attend the party. The user, despite being over the betrayal and happily engaged, feels uncomfortable with the idea of hosting both their ex and his wife.
While their fiancé is unfazed by the ex’s behavior, the user is considering telling their friend Alice that she can only have the party if the ex and his wife are excluded, though this might cause tension in their friend group. Read the full story below.
‘ WIBTA If I tell my friend she can only host her daughter’s birthday party at my house if she excludes my ex and his wife?’
My friend Alice asked me if she could host her daughter’s birthday party at my house because they don’t have a garden. I’ve told her it’s a conditional yes because I had to check that my fiancé was okay with it BUT the more I think about it, the more I don’t want the party to be here if my ex and his wife attend which they definitely will.
I have another post on here so I won’t go into too much detail in this one but my ex cheated on me with his wife. She was my friend so even though I’m over it and happily engaged myself, I’ll never consider either of them friends again.
My ex also has a major stick up his ass when it comes to my fiancé and he just acts like an i**ot whenever they’re both in the same place as each other. My fiancé said he finds it hilarious but I don’t want him to have to deal with my ex’s b**lshit in his own home.
I want to tell Alice that she can host her party here on the condition that she tells my ex and his wife that they’re not invited. I’ve made an effort not to make my friends choose between us and I know this is going to put her in an awkward position but I’m still seriously considering it.
My fiancé has told me it’s not worth causing tension in the group because he doesn’t care if my ex wants to have another d**k measuring contest with him. I know Alice isn’t going to want to do it and she doesn’t have anywhere else she can host the party so WIBTA? Also I think her husband is going to refuse since him and my ex are best friends these days which means their daughter is going to miss out.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
nemesiswithatophat − NTA but maybe phrase it differently. “I know you had wanted to host your party at my house but I’m not comfortable with ex and ex’s wife being at my place.” That’s basically a no and then if she wants to not invite those people, she can volunteer that info and say “oh no, I won’t be inviting them, don’t worry”. You don’t have to phrase it in a way that sounds like you’re asking her to choose between you two
Pretty_Assistant1310 − NTA. If she doesn’t like it, she can have the party somewhere else.
Info: is your fiancé Jace from your previous post?
Dittoheadforever − You’re NTA. It’s your house, you shouldn’t be forced to host your ex and the person who was his side piece. she doesn’t have anywhere else she can host the party. I don’t know how old her daughter is, but are there no places like Chuck E Cheese, playgrounds/parks, trampoline worlds, McDonalds with a play place, etc. where you live?
Dschingis_Khaaaaan − NTA – I think that’s a very reasonable condition. You are doing her a favor, and that shouldn’t obligate you to welcome someone who treated you so poorly (to put it mildly) into your home. I’d phrase it as “I’m more than happy to host the party here, but just so you know EX and his affair partner aren’t welcome here. I understand if you choose to host it elsewhere if you want to invite them too.”
Aggravating-Item9162 − NAH. Your house, your rules. She’s free to find a different place to host if this will be a problem.
-SnowQueen- − NTA. It is kind of you to offer your house for the party. If you want to condition the offer on your cheating ex’s removal from the invitee list, that’s your option. If your friend really wants him there, she can find another location.
beached_not_broken − Gosh. I can’t think of anything more ridiculous than expecting a friend to host a party and invite her ex to her home, just for someone’s birthday. You’ve agreed which is super kind, but absolutely well within your right to not want your ex there. I wouldn’t want an ex in my house, using my bathroom etc…
PleaseCoffeeMe − Alice having a place to throw a party is not your problem. Why don’t you be honest with Alice, tell her, “Sorry no, I know you will have to invite ex and his AP. Ex does not get along with my fiance, and drama is always created, I don’t want your party ruined by a d**k measuring contest.” Then it’s up to Alice to exclude your ex, or find a different venue. NTA
Kami_Sang − NTA – you never have to deal with exes in your most private space – your home esp if you don’t have kids together.
Pale_Conference_2748 − NTA, i think that’s a pretty fair condition. If she wants to avoid said condition she can have the party elsewhere. That’s super fair
Would it be unreasonable for the user to ask their friend to exclude the ex and his wife, given their history? Is it fair to make such a request when hosting a party, or should the user focus on maintaining peace within the friend group? Share your thoughts on whether the user should prioritize their own comfort or avoid creating tension among friends!
