WIBTA if I broke up with my gf for humiliating me?
A Redditor reflects on a troubling incident with their girlfriend of four years that left them feeling humiliated and disrespected. After a night out where their girlfriend, under the influence of alcohol, made disparaging remarks about the Redditor’s appearance and sexual performance, they question whether it’s time to end the relationship.
Despite acknowledging the stress she’s under due to family issues, the Redditor feels her behavior crosses a line. Read the original story below to explore the complexities of love, respect, and boundaries in a relationship.
‘ WIBTA if I broke up with my gf for humiliating me?’
Hi all, throwaway because both she and I lurk Reddit. I (23m) have been with C (23f) for 4 years. We got together during our freshmen year of college. We became very close and we both held similar beliefs and wanted similar things out of life. We moved in with each other and grew really close, almost inseparable, during the pandemic.
I wanted to marry this woman, until last night. C has been under more stress from work and family during the last few months, her dad has cancer and it hasn’t been easy on her. She’s been drinking more and more, and while I don’t mind her drinking, it’s how she gets when she’s drunk is where I begin to have issues.
She has a tendency to get pretty mean and say some awful things, talking about my appearance or how small my “member” is, she makes me feel like I’m not enough for her sexually or emotionally. She is almost always apologetic the next morning, and will spend the next few days after that trying to fix things but will turn around and do it again when she drinks.
It really came to a head last night when I took her and her friend out to a local bar that’s popular. I volunteered to be their DD for the night, she’s driven drunk before and I didn’t want her to make that choice again. I told her that I didn’t want her to drink too much tonight, and she agreed that she wouldn’t.
The bar was packed when we got there, so we all went and sat at the bar and ordered some food and drinks. They were enjoying themselves and I watched the game while they drank and enjoyed themselves. I got up and went to the bathroom and when I came back, I noticed my girlfriend was getting loud and her friend screamed “cock sleeve” while laughing.
She then said, as I walked up and was in earshot, that her ex was the biggest she had and she missed it. I pretended not to hear it, because I knew she was getting drunk. I touched her back and sat down at the bar again, before the guy sitting at the table grabs both our attention and asks us if I was the cock sleeve guy, and I immediately felt like I was gonna be sick.
These guys are laughing at me and I asked C if she was serious, she kept laughing. So I just grabbed my keys and walked out, I left both her and her friend there at the bar and I drove home. I immediately packed up my essential stuff and I went to stay with a close friend for a few days. I didn’t get any texts from C until about an hour after I left them there, asking where I was.
I then got a bunch of missed calls and texts that weren’t anything but angry. I answered one call and she was still slurring her words and I heard she was in the bar still, so I hung up and turned off my ringer. I woke up to a stream of apology texts and more missed phone calls, she apologized and said she fucked up and was wondering when I was coming home, that I satisfy her and that I’m more than enough for her, that she’ll make this right if I come home.
I’m just done, I feel humiliated and embarrassed. Her and I had what I thought was a good sexual relationship, we did foreplay and used toys, but I’ve never once not gone out of my way to pleasure her or get her off, I’m not the biggest guy down there so, yeah, I use a sleeve to help her get off too.
I just didn’t think she would use that against me like that. I don’t want to go back home, I love her but I feel really humiliated and like she doesn’t respect me as a man or partner. WIBTA if I broke up with her over this? She’s been a perfect partner, otherwise. I just feel like she didn’t respect me at all, and after what she said about her ex, I can’t help but suspect things.
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
mdthomas − You can end a relationship for any reason at any time. Your partner drinking more and more and discussing private matters in public is certainly a valid reason.. NTA
Advanced_Scallion_78 − My guy, my boyfriend is in the smaller side and I would NEVER treat him like that in a million years. There is no going back from that. If your struggling with the thought of taking her back, imagine all of those friends at your wedding judging you. If she told them, im sure she’s told others. This is a blessing, you dodged a bullet. Run far away
JTD177 − The embarrassment is bad enough, but her getting mean when she gets drunk is enough for you to leave her. Get out now. Yes, I know it hurts, but this is nothing compared to the hurt you will feel if you stick around a few more years. Spend some time alone taking care of yourself and be happy
0kaylol − Bro, run
DrMaridelMolotov − Wow your gf is a POS. What the f**k? How would she feel if you got drunk and started talking about how your gf wasn’t good enough and you miss ur former gf. Seriously I’d be so f**king pissed to have my insecurities on display.. F**king hell.
mrlivestreamer − I lost my fiance and daughter to a drunk driver so I thank you for trying to be responsible for her. That being said she deserves nothing from you leave her and don’t ever turn back.
Daughter_of_Dusk − NTA, your gf has a drinking problem. If when she drinks she’s so out of it that she ruins her own life (humiliating you and insulting you counts as ruining your relationship and therefore an aspect of her life), then she has a problem. A problem that it’s not yours to solve, though.
Honestly, I don’t know if you should go back to her even if she swears not to drink ever again. Alcohol doesn’t turn you into someone you’re not when i**oxicated. You simply lose all your filters, so all the stuff you think and feel comes to light. It doesn’t turn you into a different person. That’s what she thinks.
[Reddit User] − End it. Her a**oholism (which it is, make no mistake) and a**sive behavior outweigh anything else good in the relationship. Somewhere out there is the perfect person for you. You’ll never find her if you’re wasting time with this mess. Also, by staying with her, you’re enabling her. You’re also teaching her that she can abuse you and you’ll stay.. You deserve much better than this.
Nervous-Tea-7074 − OP RUN 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. She has a drinking problem. She has an anger problem. She has a self control problem. How do you know she didn’t end up with someone else after you left? Will that be blamed on the alcohol too? You can’t help her, until she helps herself. Don’t wait around wasting your life. Also consider if the shoes was on the other foot, would you want her to stick around and take your a**sive behaviour?
FeistyMuttMom − I am so sorry this happened, that was a cruel thing to endure. You sound like a caring and attentive lover. She sounds like an a**oholic. She may not be ready to confess that, but the pattern of behavior of doing something terrible and spending the next day apologizing for it, pretty textbook.
Of course you can end the relationship over this, you need to be with a partner who builds you up, one you can trust, someone who eases burdens, not adds to them. If she decides to seek therapy or attend AA you may decide to forgive her in the future but I fear it may be a long time before she’s ready to take that step. YWNBTA if you ended this relationship for your own sense of self respect.
Do you think the Redditor would be justified in breaking up with their girlfriend for her hurtful comments, or should they give her another chance given the circumstances? How would you handle feelings of humiliation and disrespect in a long-term relationship? Share your thoughts below!