WIBTA for getting my boyfriend arrested for cleaning out my bank account?

A Reddit user, a 55-year-old woman, finds herself in a difficult situation with her long-time boyfriend after discovering that he cleaned out her bank account. They’ve been together for over 30 years, but her boyfriend’s recent actions, including cheating and stealing from her, have pushed her to the breaking point.

After finding unauthorized purchases on her account, she is considering getting him arrested for theft, but he’s threatening to kick her out if she does. She’s now wondering if she’s wrong to take legal action. To see how others are reacting, check out the full story below…

‘ WIBTA for getting my boyfriend arrested for cleaning out my bank account?’

I (55F) have been in denial about my boyfriend for too long, so please go easy on me in terms of what I should have or should not have done with my relationship. I have been with my boyfriend since I was 19 and he was 20.

Boyfriend as a term is important because we are not legally bound, we have never lived in a common law state, and lawyer friends have told me there is no way that a judge would say common law applies to us.

Even in common law states, you have to present yourself as married and my boyfriend has made a point to call my his girlfriend in public and would send messages ” just as a reminder” that he doesn’t consent to any implication that we are married.

I worked supporting him until we were 24 and 25 because when we got together his parents refused to pay any of his living expenses and put him through college. Then I got pregnant and we had five kids together, all of whom are grown.

After the youngest left the house my boyfriend began openly cheating on me. Whenever he’d travel for his sales job he’d come home smelling like different perfumes and talking about going to strip clubs ” entertaining clients.” When I complained he just rolled his eyes and shrugged.

When I found out he was openly going on dates with a mid twenties woman and taking her shopping I decided I was done and started to craft an exit strategy. I got a job at a local restaurant 2 months ago as a server and opened up a bank account.

My boyfriend even when not traveling rarely came home so I didn’t think he even suspected I had a job. I was so careful about not coming home with cash tips because I know what would happen. But a few days ago I was tired and feeling sick so I slipped up and didn’t take the tips to the bank and instead hid the money.

Two days ago I come home and find that the cash wasn’t there. My boyfriend was nowhere to be seen and hadn’t come home the previous night. I panicked and then checked my bank account because I had a bad feeling.

My account only had less than $5 in it and I saw a series of online ordering purchases. There were purchases for food delivery, Walmart, more food via a different delivery app. I call my boyfriend and he finally comes home and says I was the one who should be ashamed, secretly working a job behind his back and hiding money.

He then claimed he doesn’t know where the cash went but admitted to making the purchases and says I’ve used his card ( with his permission and him next to me) to pay at the grocery store before. My debit card was with me the whole time but I believe he took a photo of it when I wasn’t looking for the numbers.

I am enraged and heartbroken and him saying good luck proving I didn’t give him permission was my tipping point. I want to file a police report and not just cancel my card. He says I owe him for all he’s done supporting my ” unemployable self.” WIBTA? He’s threatening to kick me out if I report him and says I’m wrong for hiding money.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Eastern_Condition863 −  Why would you feel bad for getting someone who treats you terrible arrested for stealing from you? Girl, pick your self-esteem up off the floor, dust yourself off, break up with him officially for good, move out of state, and start your life over.

Once he gets out, he will be back on your doorstep with apologies, love bombing and guilt-tripping and your bottom of the barrel self-esteem will let him right back in.. You don’t owe him s**t.

Ireland1169 −  NTA First thing you do NOW is call a lawyer, find out your entitlements are to the house, his pension, money ect. Get the information, keep records of the theft & after you have the information you need make the informed choice to have him charged for theft.

You have 5 kids in common that is more than girlfriend/boyfriend over 36 years duration, regardless of what he says you have options he is just g**lighting you.

Vegoia2 −  you spent decades being abused, not married with no rights, and now you’re here instead of at a police station?

ThatWhichLurks782 −  NTA file a police report NOW and get out of there.

lolajamesllc −  Girl… I pressed charges on my own mother for stealing my identity. Don’t let anyone use you as a doormat.

Wild-Painting9353 −  Please report it, press charges, and speak to a family law attorney.

ufos1111 −  Report his felonious ass to the police, the scumbag

Mother_Search3350 −  Take anything and everything of value in that house and sell it. Sell his shoes, his belts, his gaming system if he has one, his computer anything that belongs to him.Take it and pawn or sell it and get as much of your money back as you can.

Change the locks on the apartment /house . Give the new keys to your landlord and pack your things and move out with the money you made from his belongings.  Tell him ‘ good luck proving that the stuff  I sold belongs to you’ 

Peachy_Foxxx −  Wow. Definitely NTA. Would you be successful at all in your plot, though? Maybe not. This would likely turn into a civil case because you’ve had your finances mixed together for so long. Would be tough to say he cleaned out your bank account when you’ve been living off his expense for decades.

As he irritatingly reminds as well, you’re not married, but still you’ve been coexisting and raising children together, so the line of what’s his and what’s yours becomes increasingly blurred.

In the future I would refrain from having a debit card for your secret bank account. Enroll in paperless statements as well. He is definitely n**arious and basically took your exit strategy away from you. That is disgusting and diabolical.

FairyFartDaydreams −  Get him arrested. He has treated you like dirt for years. Pay him back

Do you think the user’s decision to report her boyfriend for theft is justified, or would it be an overreaction given their long history together? How would you handle a situation like this? Share your thoughts and advice below!