WIBTA for boycotting my sister’s wedding?’

After undergoing major surgery, a person decided to be more assertive about their needs and relationships. Their sister is getting married but told them, via her fiancé, that their new partner isn’t invited due to guest limits, despite their brother’s partner being invited and their partner having attended a family wedding before.

Feeling overlooked and frustrated, they’re now considering boycotting the wedding as a way to assert respect. read the original story below…

‘ WIBTA for boycotting my sister’s wedding?’

After a significant surgery that left me in the ICU intubated for three days, I resolved to be more assertive in my life. Despite living in the same city, neither of my siblings reached out or visited me during this challenging time.

Earlier this year, I started dating someone who has since become an integral part of my life, meeting my family and even accompanying me as my plus-one to another wedding, for more context this wedding was for the brother of my sister’s fiancé. My sister, with whom I share living space, is set to marry in July.

A month ago, her fiancé relayed to me that due to guest list limitations and the relatively new status of my relationship, my partner would not be invited to their wedding. They’re expecting 100 attendees out of 110 invited.

Notably, my ex was invited when the wedding planning started, and my brother’s partner is on the guest list as well. Moreover, my partner had been my plus-one at the wedding of the brother of my sister’s fiancé, indicating that she has been recognized in our extended social circles.

While I understand the complexities of wedding planning and the couple’s prerogative in guest selection, I cannot help but feel this is part of a broader trend of overlooking my feelings.

This incident has pushed me to the point where I believe it’s necessary to assert myself, seeking the respect I deserve rather than accepting excuses, particularly those not directly communicated by my sister.

The thought of boycotting the wedding has crossed my mind, driven by these feelings of disrespect.WIBTA for boycotting the wedding unless something changes?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Evening_Mulberry_566 −  NAH You don’t have to attend her wedding if you don’t want to (considering you don’t have a good relationship to begin with). Yet, I don’t think it’s unheard of or extraordinary not to invite someone your sister just started dating. I personally think it’s even a bit odd that he was invited to your sister’s finance’s brother’s wedding.

ParsimoniousSalad −  NTA but it’s not a “boycott” so much as simply declining to attend. RSVP “no” since you do not want to attend without your partner. Let your sister know as soon as possible for their planning purposes.

It’s not clear if they actually wrote an invitation to your partner/a plus one for you (if they did, taking it back verbally is incredibly rude), or if they simply planned to invite her and then told you they cannot extend the invitation after all (which sometimes just happens when plans get finalized).

But either way, you are not required to attend. EDIT: But you were in the ICU and your sister WHO YOU LIVE WITH didn’t even bother to come see you? WTF. That’s cold.

Candyland_83 −  Boycotting is a big word for “not going”. Just rsvp no and if she asks why you’re not going, say you don’t want to go without your partner. “Boycotting” implies making a big show of it or making it all about you, which would make you the AH.

coastalkid92 −  Earlier this year, means that you’ve only been dating your partner for a handful of months. It’s not unusual, as your soon to be BIL pointed out, that new relationships are often not on the guest list for a wedding, one that they presumably have been planning for a while now.

You would be well within you right to decline the invitation to your sister’s wedding but I do think you need to consider how much deeper a divide this will create in your relationship. I truthfully don’t think this is the hill that’s worth dying on.. NAH.

rheasilva −  Kinda y t a for calling this a “boycott” frankly. Your sister’s wedding is not about you, and it’s not really reasonable to expect your brand new relationship to factor into her guest list. If you don’t want to go then don’t go. If you make a big song & dance out of your decision not to attend then yeah ywtba.

antizana −  NAH / YTA Your sister isn’t obligated to invite your recent partner. It doesn’t matter that your partner was included in another wedding – that other couple may have had fewer seating or financial constraints – but that’s not an uncommon line to draw.

An invitation is not a summons and you are similarly not e**itled to insist on a +1 or partner. You are just free to accept / not accept the invitation. You’re free to decline the invitation if you don’t want to attend without your partner.

However, beyond the fact that you will know plenty of people there and therefore not require a +1 for entertainment, your sister’s wedding is not the appropriate venue for resolving your other grievances with your sister.

It’s fine to be upset with your sister for not reaching out to you during your illness – so tell her that using adult words and describe how that makes you want to step back in your relationship.

Couching this under “assertiveness” is going to reduce your very valid feelings into a passive aggressive gesture – there is not a direct correlation between your feelings about your sister and your partner’s invitation to their wedding.

The passive aggressive gesture is a) unlikely to be understood as you intended (it doesn’t really make sense to me, honestly) and b) doesn’t at all address your issues with your sister.

No_Confidence5235 −  If you’ve been dating your partner since earlier this year, that means you’ve only been dating them for less than six months. Just because your partner is important to you, that doesn’t automatically mean they’re important to your sister and her fiance. YTA

procrastinating_b −  You live with her but she didn’t see you after surgery?

Usrname52 −  You say that his ex was on the list when planning started. How long were you with her? Did your sister have a close connection.?
You said this discussion about your current partner was a month ago. You started dating this girl “earlier this year”.

So….you’d been dating her like 2 months at the time of the conversation? That’s pretty short. Would be there be reason they don’t like her? What’s your living situation going to be? You say you live with your sister, she is getting married. Why didn’t they visit you in the hospital? There’s probably more to this.

You don’t have to go to the wedding (as long as you tell them). You just have to be willing to throw away your relationship with your sister. And most of your family will probably side with her. Going to lead to awkward family holidays in the future.

Should they stand their ground, or is boycotting too harsh? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!