WIBTA for asking my ex not to call his partners son our child’s brother?
A mother is grappling with a sensitive situation involving her ex (John), their shared son (8M), and his current partner (Sally). Sally tragically lost a baby before meeting John, but she and John now include this baby’s name on birthday cards from their other children to the shared son, referring to him as “his brother.”
The mother feels it’s inappropriate since there’s no biological or familial connection between her son and Sally’s late child. She wonders if she’d be wrong to ask them to stop referring to the baby this way, considering the potential emotional impact on her son and Sally’s feelings. read the original story below…
‘ WIBTA for asking my ex not to call his partners son our child’s brother?’
(Backstory)My ex (John) and I share a son (m8). We split up before he was born. My ex got with his current partner (sally) not long after, they’ve been together ever since. Before John and Sally got together, Sally unfortunately lost a baby when he was a few weeks old.
John has no connection to the baby at all. Our son recently celebrated his 8th birthday, he had a card from sally & johns children (my sons step and half siblings) however, they put the name of the baby Sally had before meeting John.
This is where I could be the a**hole, I think it’s weird that they would put the baby’s name on the card let alone tell my son that “his brother died” considering there is absolutely no link between my son and Sallys baby. I could understand if the baby was John and Sallys. But, this all happened before she even met John. Would I be the a**hole if I asked them to stop doing it?
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
Jerseygirl2468 − NTA I’m very sad for her, but that’s not something she needs to put on your 8 yo kid to understand yet.
ArreniaQ − This is beyond weird. MY mother lost a baby before I was born. I know she lost that baby and I know the memories of what happened make her sad, but she never tried to make me have feelings about the brother I didn’t know or put his name on a birthday card.
Only living people can send greetings. NTA Tell John that Sally needs therapy if she thinks that child is wishing your son happy birthday!
mizfit416 − I had a similar issue with my ex and his woman. No, you would not be TA. The sooner the better.. NTA
Lunar-Eclipse0204 − SOunds like Sally needs to let go of a ghost… you can asked but be prepared for a negative reaction NTA
FAYCSB − INFO: what do you think this is going to accomplish? Do you think they will actually listen to this request?
FinnFinnFinnegan − NTA she needs therapy
SliceEquivalent825 − NTA Sally is trying to keep the memory of her dead child alive, but this is totally inappropriate for them to do. I think it will not stop though. I do agree to tell them to say that he is too young and it is too disturbing to keep on with this behavior. Talk to your son and let him know that is has nothing to do with him. People are weird
Resident_Pomelo_1337 − YTA. Sally’s children, alive or not, are now your son’s step-siblings. You also mentioned that Sally & John have children together – your son’s half-siblings. So if they as a family openly talk about their brother who passed as part of the family, you want them to then exclude your son from being part of the family that baby was a part of.
It differentiates him from his half-siblings and excludes him from something they all have as a family. When people move on we hope that any step-parents will step up and love our children and accept them, and there has to be some acceptance of the step-parents history too.
Perhaps you should focus on building a strong and respectful co-parenting relationship with Sally that will benefit your child, rather than being insensitive and rude about the hardest loss she’s ever faced.
Barfotron4000 − Personally, ywbta. It’s not your business and if they get married, it will be his step sibling who died. I don’t like hiding d**th from children.
My nephew knows that his older brother died, his mom keeps the older son’s memory alive.
She’s not with my brother anymore, mom has kids with her now-husband and they know about their big brother too. He’s still part of their family, even though he’s dead. It’s not macabre. I think it’s loving. To them, big bro is an angel watching over them, I’m atheist but it’s kind of sweet
LetsGetsThisPartyOn − NTA An 8 year old doesn’t need his birthday ticked off with a random dead babies name! Talk about making everything about the new wife. Jesus
Is it fair to set boundaries around how a blended family handles such deeply personal issues, or should sensitivity to Sally’s loss take precedence? What’s your take? Share your thoughts below!