(update)I(30m) just found out my girlfriend(28) of a year+ had a whole life I knew nothing about, right as I was ring shopping. Advice?

A man discovered his girlfriend had an entire past he knew nothing about just as he was planning to propose. After an emotional and honest conversation, she shared the heartbreaking story of her first marriage, her late son, and her journey to heal. Despite the revelations, his love for her has only deepened, and he still plans to marry her. Read the heartfelt update below.

‘ (update)I(30m) just found out my girlfriend(28) of a year+ had a whole life I knew nothing about, right as I was ring shopping. Advice?’

I spoke to her the day after. She told me she had wanted to tell me for a while, but didn’t know where to start– that she thought about Sam everyday but at the same time didn’t know how to begin.

She pulled out a shoe box from her closet and she showed me the pictures. Pictures of her wedding, this propped up little thing at the courthouse, her in a short white dress with a slight stomach. Her husband, this cocky smiled kid with this shaggy blond hair.

Then the baby, Sam. Pictures from a red-faced baby to this little four year old person. Birthdays, and Christmases, and pictures of the three of them- a family. She talked about Brendan. How they came from these radically different backgrounds and she barely knew him as a person before he was a father and husband.

They’d only been dating three months when she got pregnant. They were twenty. Then she talked about Sam- her baby. She kept saying he was the best thing that ever happened to me. Hearing that broke my heart. She talked about how his hair cow licked in three different spots and how he was always singing or humming, that he loved to climb. She told me his favorite movie and book. She made him a person to me.

Then she told me how they lost him. Some kid ran a red light and then he was gone. She barely remembers the funeral because she was so heavily medicated. But the worst part was after, going home and him not being there- how she’d walk past his room and expect to hear him playing, waking up and forgetting for a minute he was gone.

Their marriage had never been good and they turned on each other. He blamed her because she had fastened the booster seat on that side of the car. She blamed him because he had been driving. They were divorced within a year after the accident. Brendan had a new child within two.

She had spent the time doing overload on classes and working, keeping busy because it made things easier.She didn’t see her old friends because they drifted away- they never knew what to say. And they mostly had kids of their own. She was surviving.

But seeing Sam’s brother who looked so much like Sam hurt so much that she decided she had to get away and stop wallowing. She took the pictures down, donated clothes and toys, deleted her fb and stopped seeing the old friends who weren’t really friends anymore.

She said she chose to keep breathing because that was what it had come down to. Then she met me.. and she said I made her want a fresh start- a better marriage and more children- because she loved me. We talked for hours, she cried and I cried for her.

I still love her maybe more now because I feel like she opened up to me so much. it’s hard to imagine her married, with a son, toys on the floor, and pictures on the fridge. it’s hard because in a lot of ways it’s the life I’ve been imagining with her. I still plan on marrying this woman. She’s the love of my life.

tl;dr She told me about her past. I love her and understand why she didn’t tell me.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

tryagainandagain32 −  This must have been so hard for her. I am glad you were there for her. Good Luck.

daric −  Dude, you are the reason that she decided to make another go at life! You should feel good about that. Beautiful story, a tragic past with a potentially happier future. Best to both of you!

[Reddit User] −  It’s good you found out everything from her at last. Losing a child is one of the most emotionally painful things a person can go through. She hurt for such a long time, its no wonder she wanted a fresh start without this horrible memory eating away at her. You came along and gave her this new beginning. I think you two will do just fine.

RememberKoomValley −  I’m glad that most of the commenters in the last post were right–she didn’t mean anything cruel by not telling you. She was just trying to be alive. Good on you for taking it carefully, OP.

MacFarang −  as someone who has lost a child in an accident, my heart was broken for her. you listened and now understand slightly, the pain that it causes. never goes away, you just learn to get through the day. you are a good man. i actually choked up reading your update. i wish nothing but the absolute best for both of you and your future family.

MyNameIsTrevor −  I just want to point out. Trevor is not a joke name. It’s a great name.

likelazarus −  You said in your original post she didn’t want a diamond but didn’t know what she wanted. Would it be too much to have her engagement ring be Sam’s birthstone? Then he could be a part of your marriage in some small way.

[Reddit User] −  it’s hard to imagine her married, with a son, toys on the floor, and pictures on the fridge. it’s hard because in a lot of ways it’s the life I’ve been imagining with her. Ugghh this is so so so sad. I got a little choked reading this update. OP, I wish you all the best in the future, and I hope the two of you can build a family that will go some way towards healing her past loss.

AliceNThroWunderland −  Heartbreaking story. All the best in your new life together.

[Reddit User] −  I think that… getting to know you was literarily like the first spring breeze after a long winter. You make her feel alive and almost a new, happy person, probably a feeling that she never thought she would experience before meeting you.

The way i imagine it, the “pictures on a fridge” type of thing might not have happened quite as idyllically in her previous marriage, if they were young and the guy was an arse (as he sounds). She loved and still loves her son, but the picture perfect family, that she will experience with you. You’re a great man.

Probably she’s going to need some therapy in the future, processing her son’s d**th, which she clearly hasn’t yet. Maybe, if you have a house, and she wants to (when she came longer with the processing part), you can install a little stone plaquet in a nice crner of the garden “We love you Sam”, and plant flowers around it, if she finds it comforting.

Love often requires navigating unexpected depths of vulnerability and history. How do you think couples can build trust and understanding in the face of deeply personal revelations? Share your thoughts in the comments.