Update : Wife (38F) is convinced that she is pregnant even though that every pregnancy test (store-bought and medical) comes back negative. It’s taking a toll on our mariage because she thinks I am going to abandon her and “our twins”?
A husband grappling with his wife’s phantom pregnancy delusion shares an update on their challenging journey. After discovering her involvement in harmful online groups and witnessing a severe breakdown during a doctor’s visit, he had to make the heartbreaking decision to initiate involuntary psychiatric care. Struggling with guilt and uncertainty, he seeks support as he navigates this emotional and difficult path. Read the full story below.
‘ Update : Wife (38F) is convinced that she is pregnant even though that every pregnancy test (store-bought and medical) comes back negative. It’s taking a toll on our mariage because she thinks I am going to abandon her and “our twins”?’
I called up our primary doctor and told him about the problem . He seemed very concerned and wanted us to come see him the next morning . He said it was important to be gentle but not feed into her delusions. I sat her down and we talked.
All she wanted to talk about is when i would get the nursery started and that we were on a time crunch, and how she has found a perfect color for the room, how she wants me to be more involved in her pregnancy . I tried to be very calm but i was very perturbed by seeing her that way. I asked her to go to the doctor with me tommorow.
She said yes, that she wanted to check on the babies either ways. Now i took some advice and words you gave me about being calm and asking a bit why she think she is pregnant without calling her delusional . So I did. She kept changing subjects or saying that ” A mother just feels it. You wouldn’t know how it is ” then i said that i loved her really much that i would never think of leaving her but we needed to go to the doctor to confirm her “gut feeling “.
She got very agitated and was crying telling me that if I wanted to leave her i should simply leave but I shouldn’t call her a l**r.. Somehow i managed to calm her down enough for her to go to sleep. After she did i went on her computer. I do **never** snoop on her.
But i remembered a commenter pointing out forums about cryptic pregnancy and so i went for the look out . Oh boy. She was in 2 facebook groups. One was a normal Mommy facebook group and the other was a group about women that believed they were pregnant.
In the “normal” group she would post updates about her symptoms and pictures of her “belly” and her story about how she was almost not able to have children but thats to the “grace of god that kissed her tummy” the “gift of life was given to her ” and how she was compensated for all this years of suffering with twins.
in the other group the women were quite literally, and exuse me here , f**king insane. They were feeding in each others delusions. A woman said that she was almost 2 years pregnant and how sometimes it just takes longer.
My wife would post there complaining about doctors that do not take her seriously and about me. So many women were making her fear that i would leave. Saying things like men can not stick to a woman . Many recounted their stories about how their marriages broke down because their spouses could not “handle the pregnancy”.
I was really f**king scared. I researched phantom pregnancies and i read somewhere that that could also be a sign of [schizophrenia]. So to say the least i could not sleep. I was and am still very afraid of losing her. She woke up and I tried to act like nothing was wrong . We were going to the doctor.
And it was as if nothing had happened yesterday. She was convinced that we were going to a pregnancy check up. Things got really bad when we began talking to the doctor. He was really tactful when talking to my wife. He tried to explain her that it was medically impossible that she was pregnant.
We tried to show her tests, the ultrasound we did the day before but nothing. She got more agitated and began to cry and the scream at me for making her look like a crazy person . She began bouncing back and forth and holding her head with both hands .
We could not calm her she went in on a full on panic attack . She could not breathe. The doctor laid her down and tried giving her some medicine for her to relax but it did not help as he didn’t have the necessary tools to treat a panic attack that was that bad . She had to go to the hospital where they took care of her. Did an EKG to exclude that she was suffering a heart attack.
At that point i really had no other option than to inquire about Involuntary commit. So I could not do it myself . I needed my doctors statement that she was a danger to herself and others and he had to initiate the process of an involuntary examination of 72 hours .
After that we will have to submit a written statement to the court to determine wether on not she can stay there “against her will”. So far i have submitted all her posts in both facebook groups aswell as the test we did with timestamps when possible .
My wife is 2 days in the 3 days examination and i have no contact to her. When i last her she was furious with me. She said i was taking away her freedom which I am. i fell horrible, dirty and useless. She is so mad at me. I feel like I am abandoning her and don’t know how she will ever forgive me this.
I love her with all my heart. I am afraid of what will happend if the courts decide that i can’t commit her, how our life will be affected . I feel like i failed to protect her. At this point I am just rambeling . Sorry for the long post i guess i just need to vent because i have no one else to really turn to that just wants to listen . I feel judged by everyone and pittied … i just hate it . Sorry for spelling mistakes
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
MichelewithoneL − I remember your first post so vividly. I am so so sorry that things blew up this way, but you did EXACTLY the right things here. She is going to be getting the help she needs. There is literally nothing you could have done to protect her from her own mind. You did what was right and it is so clear you love her. I hope things go well and she is given the help she needs.
QueenMoogle − Dude what you did is so incredibly f**king hard. But it was the right decision. You tried EVERYTHING. Doctors, kindness, everything. This is not a normal “don’t snoop in your partner’s stuff” circumstance. Your wife is having an actual, legitimate health crisis.
She cannot act in her own best interest right now but god dammit you can and you did. It may take a long ass time for both of you to see it completely, but she NEEDED immediate and intensive psychiatric treatment.
SorrySeptember − I have no advice, just wanted to say your wife is so lucky to have you. You did the right thing.
[Reddit User] − I used to work in the involuntary commitment system. EVERYONE is upset with their loved ones when they get committed. Everyone. And it’s a normal thing for family members and partners to feel a ton of guilt.. But your wife needs help. You took the steps to get her that help even though it was scary. You will not regret this.
[Reddit User] − I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it sounds terrible for everyone involved. Just keep in mind, if this is some kind of chronic issue like schizophrenia, you could very well have saved her life. Not just in the immediate term, but also long term.
Damage from schizophrenia gets worse the longer it goes on untreated, and the sooner she gets treatment, the better her chance of remission. You’ve done the best possible thing you could have by your wife.
All those other women in that Facebook group wound up alone, trapped in their delusions, because their partners didn’t have the courage to reach out for help. I hope everything turns out ok, for both of you.
[Reddit User] − “Don’t know how she will ever forgive me” Trust me, once she gets the help she needs and gets better, she most certainly will forgive you. She will be so thankful that you got her the help that was absolutely needed. It’ll probably be a long road, but once she reaches that point, she will understand and you won’t feel bad anymore.
[Reddit User] − You did everything right. Absolutely everything. It’s the most horrible situation and you handled it wonderfully. Please go easy on yourself.
friendlystonergirl − Unfortunately, this was the right thing to do.. It hurts yes, she will be mad yes. But you really love this woman and if she comes back to reality she will be thankful for you intervening one day.
[Reddit User] − I had to have my boyfriend of 3 years committed during a psychotic break in our late 20’s. He was SO angry at me for weeks and it was heartwrenching. He got a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder and was treated as an inpatient for 1 month.
When he got out it took half a year before he was stabilized on meds and constantly took off during psychotic episodes, cheated on me, and hurt himself. Eventually, he broke up with me. 10 years later he is stable and married, and he contacted me to let me know he was grateful for getting him committed and getting him help.
I am not trying to say you will break up and I hope your marriage will survive this….I just want you to know that you are doing the right thing. I feel your wife will know that latter when she is stabilized, and if she doesn’t, please know that you are doing the right thing.
mar1onett3 − It was so bad that it seemed like a heart attack? Jesus Christ. Dude you gotta stick by her side. She’ll hate you and be vocal about it but that’s just whatever illness is plaguing her speaking through her. Make sure to block that group so that your wife doesn’t have access to it anymore. Do you have a support group irl? You’re gonna need it. It’ll all work out and it will be tough but you have to stay strong
This is a powerful reminder of the complexities of mental health and the lengths we go for those we love. If you’ve ever faced a difficult choice for someone’s well-being, how did you cope? Share your thoughts or support below.