[Update] My(27F) son(6) doesn’t like my boyfriend (31M). Everyone thinks I should break up with him but I don’t want to. What do I do?
A Reddit user shared an update on her son’s sudden change in behavior toward her boyfriend. It turns out his grandparents had planted fears in his mind, making him believe he would be left out if she formed a new family.
After reassuring her son of her love and spending more time together as a trio, he quickly warmed up to her boyfriend again. She now plans to confront the grandparents about their comments before allowing future visits. Read the full update below…
‘ [Update] My(27F) son(6) doesn’t like my boyfriend (31M). Everyone thinks I should break up with him but I don’t want to. What do I do?’
Turns out it really was something his grandparents said as many of you suggested. They said some things that made my son think that my boyfriend and I will make our own family and he’ll be the fifth wheel and I will no longer love him. I reassured him and made sure he understood I will always love him and that he will only have more people love him, not less.
Boyfriend and I agreed we needed to spend more time together with him and we’ve been doing that and he’s warmed up to bf surprisingly quickly. So that’s working out really well and my boyfriend has been really wonderful throughout this,
I feel kind of ashamed for even considering breaking up with him. I’ve been told “I told you so” by my brother.. I have been putting off talking to his grandparents. But I will definitely talk to them before I let my son spend time with them again.
I want to make it clear to them that it’s not acceptable to say or insinuate things like that to my son but also want to reassure them that they will get to see him (so long as they don’t put weird ideas in his head). I think I will see them by myself and lay it all out and then maybe have a little break before letting my son visit them…?
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
19notmyrealaccount − Yes, I love a good update among all the sad/weird/infuriating ones. Good luck! I wish you and your little family happiness
Sweet_Lavender_Tea − They emotionally manipulated your child to try to manipulate you. You shouldn’t leave them alone with your son anymore and make it clear that if they put their own wants above the emotional needs and safety of your child, then they won’t be allowed to see him.
Elleden − Man, your in-laws are really pieces of s**t telling something like that to a child.
GeneralVasilyMitu − Called it. Before you take a break talk to them. They need to realize that you need to move on and the kid needs a father figure and all of this will never stop them from being his grandparents or that you and your kid will never forget the late father. People do dumb s**t out of fear and this kinda reads to me like that. I don’t think this was malicious but then again you need to lay down the law. Good luck.
[Reddit User] − Honestly? Don’t let the grandparents see the kid without your supervision for the next few visits. Show them that you’re serious about what kind of stuff they’re telling your kid
bfaw92 − Am I misunderstanding or did his grandparents insert themselves as 2 of the “5 wheels”? To me it’s kind of odd that they feel like they are your son’s parents.
KikiCanuck − I’m happy that your son is warming up to your BF again, but so sad that this has come from your former in-laws. It’s obviously not cool or helpful for you son, but it must be a hard one for you to approach knowing that it likely comes from place of deep pain and loss.
Do you have a sense of whether they said something direct/intentional to your son (e.g. “Your mom will have a new family with her new man and we will all be left behind”) or did he maybe overhear something that was said between them,
or pick up in some subtext that wasn’t intended for his ears (e.g. one of them saying to the other that it was hard to see you moving on with someone else)? One is appreciably more problematic than the other in terms of their jntentions, and would require more drastic intervention.
abeazacha − Honestly I would cut visits to the grandparents for a while; they not only tried to poison your son’s mind to the point he felt unloved but also control your relationship and nothing of this is healthy – they pretend to do the same with any future bf?
And if you get married with this guy and your son have a nice father figure on him, will them not allow he to be happy? That’s awful and honestly nuts, all of you had a big loss, they can’t get in the way of you guys coping and moving on.
DonMegaTho − Glad it worked out. Thanks for the update!
Ratatoski − This is really a happy update. Also, in the future if you do get married perhaps consider having him adopt your son. That will guarantee that they get to stay in touch no matter what happens which might be good for both of them.
This situation highlights how easily a child’s fears can be shaped by others. Do you think she should limit visits to the grandparents, or was this just a misunderstanding? Share your thoughts.