UPDATE: My Roommate’s (21F) Parents keep letting themselves into my (21F) apartment with the spare key my roommate gave them.

A Reddit user shares an update about her struggles with a roommate’s mother repeatedly invading her personal space and crossing boundaries in her apartment. Despite a heartfelt conversation to set clear expectations, things took a turn when an important personal item went missing, leaving her feeling disrespected and hurt. Read the story below to see how she’s planning to address this tense situation.

‘ UPDATE: My Roommate’s (21F) Parents keep letting themselves into my (21F) apartment with the spare key my roommate gave them.’

RM= roommate’s mom R=Roommate. I came back from my morning run around 7 am this morning, and RM and R were in the kitchen making some coffee. She has never been there this early before. I decided to talk to them about everything prior to going to class. I atarted off with “hey auntie, can we talk?” (In brown culture everyone is called an aunt) and these are some points I listed:

1. I appreciate that she has been cooking and cleaning, but I want to do that on my own. I love to cook and felt that I was never allowed in my own kitchen. I also told her that I want to do my own laundry and clean my room myself.

2. I don’t want her in my room. I reminded her that I talked to her about this when it first happened, and that’s why I put the lock on the door.

3. I told her that if she wants to be with R, to let R text me and lmk that RM would be in the apartment.

They expressed understanding and I hugged it out with RM. Before going to class, I put a load of laundry. My friend is having a birthday dinner today, and I decided to wear this cute white dress with an open back (my mom even got me this dress since she thought it was so cute) and tossed it in the washer so it could be fresh for tonight.

I asked RM multiple times if she was planning on doing laundry today, and she said no. I told her that I would be back around 1, and she can do laundry when I finish mine later this afternoon if needed (I didn’t want her touching my clothes). She was okay with it and said R didn’t have laundry today. Cool. I left feeling really relieved, but I still locked my bedroom door.

I got back to my apartment about half hour ago, and I couldn’t find my white dress. As soon as I came home, R looked nervous. My clothes were in the dryer, and I didn’t do that for a fact. RM states that I put them in the dryer and just forgot. Ughhh. I locked myself in my room, and I know she probably took the dress as it was something she wouldn’t approve of.

When I was in my room, I heard RM talking to R in our language, she told her daughter something along the lines of “idk why she’s freaking out about that dress. In India, escorts and prostitutes wear those kinds of clothing.” And she went on to tell R that I won’t find a husband wearing stuff like this.

I honestly think she wanted me to hear all that.  is she is seriously just being a passive aggressive b**ch to me rn? I’m trying so hard not to break down and cry. I’m heading over to my parents right now and I’m telling them everything when they come back home tonight. I’ll keep you posted.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

celebral_x −  F**k this “mom”. Tell your parents immediately and tell them, what is going on.

raisedglazed −  Yeah, that’s a “your mom’s key is revoked” kind of situation. Not to say her mom is banned from the place, but she just can’t come in and make herself at home at her leisure. It’s not her house. Definitely tell your parents, they will probably have more luck discussing this with the mom than you have.

justbepetty −  I’m brown. If my mom stole a dress from a friend amd proceeded to demean them, I’d b**ch her out. Your roommate needs to grow a spine if she doesn’t want to be out on the streets. When you talk with your parents, honestly don’t be afraid to offend their feelings when it comes to their friends, their friend just called their daughter (you) a prostitute and stole from you.

Let them know how it’s gonna be- you’re taking the key away and giving it to someone who won’t steal. Then tell your roommate. You have your parents blessing to remove her b**ch of a mother from YOUR. apartment.. Remindme! 24 hours

Edit to add: also, your mom bought that dress for you! Have her call your aunty and ask about it.

Saywhat227 −  You were too nice to her. You need to be honest and you need to be firm. And you need to threaten your roommate with eviction if things don’t immediately change. RM pulled a power move on you. She knew what she was doing. She’s comparing you to prostitutes in your own home. Don’t lock yourself in your room.

March out there and say “Auntie Fuckwit, I’d like you to leave now.” When she asks why, say it’s because she messed with your laundry and insulted you in your own home. Tell her she’s no longer welcome, and that if her behavior continues, you will evict her daughter. And mean it. You have to follow through when – not if, when – she continues to act out. Honestly, just give your roommate notice and give her the boot. These people are not going to change.

fluxustemporis −  I think it might be time to ask for that spare key to be taken away for a month or two. Theft is pretty major for a guest to commit, might be enough to have the main person kicked out.

floerae −  i feel like you may have to mention kicking your roommate out because of her parents. They’re just taking you for granted at this point and maybe your roommate could put her foot down.

[Reddit User] −  “My parents are paying the rent here, and if your parents are going to steal my property then I will want the spare key back or your ass is out. Your mom is not my mom and she will not dictate what I wear or s**t shame me. If you allow your mom to continue and not get me the spare key I will have no choice but to evict you and find another more respectful roommate”

Syrinx221 −  OP I wish I was there so I can step in and be a mom for you real quick. She’s f**king ridiculous

marinefuc86ed −  At this point I would threaten to kick out your roommate over her mom. At some point you need to put down. It seems like her mom is trying some power moves on you.

radditor5 −  Kick all of them out

How would you handle a roommate’s family member repeatedly crossing boundaries in your home? Do you think the Redditor’s approach was effective, or should she have taken stronger measures earlier? Share your thoughts and suggestions in the comments below!