UPDATE My (F33) fiancé (M34) revealed to me that he has a child with another woman. How do I process this?

The woman shared an update after discovering her fiancé had a secret child with another woman. Following advice, she contacted the child’s mother, who confirmed she had blocked all his partners to avoid involvement in his personal life.

The fiancé has since been transparent about his communication with the mother, offered to go to couples’ counseling, and is trying to rebuild trust. However, the woman is still grappling with the magnitude of his deception and is unsure if trust can be restored.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/bvXcP

‘ UPDATE My (F33) fiancé (M34) revealed to me that he has a child with another woman. How do I process this?’

Firstly, I want to thank everyone who responded to my original post. There were so many comments, I tried to read through all of them. Many of you recommended that I find a way to contact the mother of his child. As she has blocked me on Facebook, I could not message her there.

I did message her on Instagram, but she did not respond. I do not know if she even saw my message request. I told my fiancé that it was necessary for me to talk to her, either on the phone or in person. He told me she did not want to talk to me, but as I insisted on it, he convinced her.

When he was visiting her and his daughter, he called me and let me talk to her on speaker phone. She confirmed that she had blocked me, because she “has blocked all of his girlfriends, because she does not want any communication”.

She told me they have not been together since the third month of her pregnancy, but there were some false hopes involved. She said she now has found out we are engaged and I am pregnant, before that she just blocked me because she saw me calling him once.

He has told me she has always said she does not want to know anything about his personal life and that is why he has hidden that he lives with me and everything else about us. I asked her if she would be willing to unblock me on FB so that we could talk some more, she said she does not want to intervene.

From now on, he has been very open about when she calls or messages him. They have only talked about their child. He agreed to share his location with me all the time, suggested going to couples’ counselling and has been extra attentive towards me these past days.

He has apologised to me countless times and asked me what he can do to rebuild trust between us. I do not know if there is a way to get trust back. It seems to me that he was not having an affair, but hiding his child from me and hiding me from the mother of his child is still a huge lie. I cannot believe he would do something like this.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

bluestjordan −  Erm… are you going to be the new ex he has a secret child with? Will he start going to the gym for 6 hours while he stays with a new woman to impregnate? “There were some false hopes involved”. Da fuq???

[Reddit User] −  You don’t really know if that was actually his child’s mother on the phone. Too much lying over too long a period of time and all of a sudden he wants you start believing him?

Now he’s offering up his location and his phone. He’s just gotten better at hiding it. He has you where he wants you, pregnant and dependant on him. . Don’t delude yourself. 

dheffe01 −  I wouldn’t marry him, its too much of a deception.

Ok-Commercial1152 −  It could have been another woman and not really her. This isn’t adding up. Tell him you have to meet her face to face. Watch him change when you say that. He will change because he will know only then that he has been caught.

And say no to his kid coming over. No way. Not your problem and you didn’t sign up for that. Make sure he knows the answer is NO.

Ok-Willow5217 −  You cannot trust either of them. Do not marry this man.

glo427 −  You are a fool to stay with him.

z-eldapin −  What about the whole buying a bed and diapers, and ‘will you be ready tomorrow’, and giving up your nursery.. Has he slowed that train down yet?

Funtivity_Director −  Wow. I still don’t know. This is was too big to hide. He should have been honest from the start.. UpdateMe

occasionallystabby −  Girl, this man is still lying to you. Speaker phone? You have no way of knowing that was really her. Want better for yourself than this.

JMLegend22 −  Tell him you need a face to face meeting. That could have been anyone. He could have been feeding anyone lines. Tell him it’s that OR he cuts her off forever.