[UPDATE] My [28/F] friend [41/F] announced she is getting married next week. I have reason to believe she is lying.

A Redditor provided an unsettling update about their friend who claimed to be getting married to a man who turned out to be married to someone else. Through further investigation and conversations, they discovered that the friend’s story was entirely delusional, involving fabricated relationships and confrontations with others.

Despite attempts to intervene with a welfare check and support from the community, the friend remains distant and unresponsive. Read the full story below for all the details.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/Ivzsy

‘ [UPDATE] My [28/F] friend [41/F] announced she is getting married next week. I have reason to believe she is lying.’

So after reading all the responses here, I became increasingly more concerned. A background piece not included in my original post is that all the players in this scenario are connected by a recovery community. Because of this connection, I knew the “ex”, Ashley, some years ago and we were still on one another’s social media.

I decided to reach out and ask about James. That evening Ashley called me and we then conferenced in James. As it turns out, he is married to another woman and they have a child. He and Ashley never dated and aren’t even really friends, they simply used to chat at a large meeting that was also attended by my friend, Wendy.

They believe that she saw them speaking there and created a delusion that they had dated and Ashley was now poisoning James against Wendy, all the while he was married to another woman. Over the course of the last two years, Wendy has approached James at multiple meetings with declarations of love.

He reiterated to her each time that he was married and stopped attending that meeting to avoid her. But oddly, she ended up at his meetings again and again. She approached his sponsor and friends telling them they were in love.

She also approached Ashley threatening her with a restraining order because she believed Ashley was conspiring against James and her, as a couple, because they were “together” now. The second time she approached her, six months ago, Ashley called the police and made a report.

Until our conference call, Ashley and James didn’t realize how they were connected and they didn’t know the extent of the delusions. When I told them about the marriage date, they were very concerned. James called the police.

I called the emergency mental health line looking for help, but their only suggestion was to call the police and ask for a welfare check on Wendy, which I did. Knowing that she has no connection to James and is living in a complete delusion made me so concerned for her.

Once the wedding date came and she didn’t get married, what would happen? How would she mentally process that? I was given a reference number and when I called back, was told they made contact but did not intake her since she didn’t appear dangerous. Since the check, she has ignored my calls.

The wedding date came and passed and I heard nothing. At this time I feel like I lost a friend, but she was already gone in these delusions and I did what I could to help. Going forward, I hope to get updates from other people in the community that she is doing better, and hopefully abandons these delusions.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

AlmaReville −  OP, what’s safest for you is to worry about taking care of yourself. She doesn’t seem like a safe friend. She’s not your sponsor. She has bigger problems than you can handle. You did the right thing with this situation.

swibbles_mcnibbles −  Wow. Thanks for the update OP. I hope that she gets the help she needs and well done for joining the dots on this before she did anything more sinister.

16yrsofsad −  It’s insane how this person is literally Murello from OITNB. I can’t help but picture her in this whole story! Seriously though, thanks for the update and for handling this all so well, you did good

tedivm −  This happened with my (schizophrenic) and one of her professors. She really thought they had a relationship, he of course was freaked out due to him being married and the school having rules against dating students.

For my sister this was just one of many issues she had until we managed to get her into treatment. If possible see if you can reach out to her family, as they’ll have more options on how to deal with this (not a lot of options, but definitely more).

mwtm347 −  Wow, I’m so impressed with how you handled this situation. You’ve done the absolute best you can and have been an extraordinary friend to her. Time to move on, though, and continue to take good care of yourself.

hobscotch −  You’re describing an erotomanic delusion. Could either be delusional disorder or a symptom of another disorder (schizophrenia or bipolar disorder). Alcohol and d**g abuse are known risk factors, as is low SES.

People with delusional disorder can be fairly high functioning overall. Treatment is therapy, though they often resist due to poor insight. Antipsychotics can be somewhat helpful for some people, but usually do little more than help decrease anxiety or agitation associated with the delusion.

It is a hard disorder to treat, especially if it has been going on for years. She is unlikely to simply “give up” on it, but with treatment may be able to develop some insight and question the delusional beliefs. Letting her family or sponsor know would be reasonable next steps.

It is not productive to confront someone directly about a delusion, but you also don’t want to encourage her. Your best bet is simply to validate and empathize with her feelings. “I can see you’re disappointed that the wedding you were looking forward to didn’t happen.”

TheHatOnTheCat −  Wow. I’m really sorry for everyone involved. If I was James r Ashley I’d frankly be concerned and feel unsafe.

James should really shut down his social media and talk to friends/family about doing the same so this woman doesn’t find his “secret family” (ie his real wife and innocent vulnerable child). Who knows how she would react to him having a child with another woman?

b100289 −  Omg this sounds so crazy. Thank you for updating.

RachyRachington −  Anyone getting Lorna Muccio from ‘orange is the new black’ vibes? Anyway I hope she is okay

yesjellyfish −  I’m glad you let James know. Enduring Love taught me that de Clerambault’s syndrome can be dangerous!

How would you handle discovering such deep delusions in a friend? Do you think the Redditor did enough to intervene, or should they continue seeking ways to help? What’s the best approach when someone you care about may be struggling with their mental health? Share your thoughts below!