Update: I (28M) messed up by asking my girlfriend (26F) to stop talking about her late boyfriend?

A man shared how his request for his girlfriend to stop talking about her late boyfriend revealed deeper issues in their relationship. After realizing how unhappy he felt, they had a mature conversation that led to her moving out. Despite missing her, he’s beginning to feel better about himself and reflecting on his role in the relationship’s challenges. Read his candid update below.

‘ Update: I (28M) messed up by asking my girlfriend (26F) to stop talking about her late boyfriend?’

All the comments here helped me understand that we needed to talk about the issue but she was still a bit mad at me. I thought I should just give her space for a few days. I think a day or two after It was announced that I was being promoted. Some of my colleagues hosted a little after work dinner for me as I would be moving divisions and not working with them anymore.

It was nice and It really touched me and it also made me understand how fucked our relationship had become. I got what the comments meant but I guess actually having a nice dinner celebrating my success felt great and made me truly understand how unhappy I felt.

we had the talk a few days later. I told her that I felt unhappy and unappreciated. That I felt like I needed some time away from her. She almost seemed like she was waiting for this. she didn’t seem particularly upset over it. She said she understood and she would move back to her parents as soon as possible.

I know it is u**y but some part of me wanted her to be upset. some proof that she cared for me? I don’t know. I feel like she didn’t love me at all. I feel like I wasted years being in love with her. She moved out two weeks ago and I miss her a lot. Home feels really lonely without her but at the same time I feel better. Not a lot but I feel a bit better about myself. It is strange.

She is not a bad person. she is a wonderful person and that is why I fell in love with her but the closer we got the less happy our relationship made me. I know a lot of it was my fault and I need to work on communication skills.

Check out how the community responded:

Hamdown1 −  I know it’s hard but you absolutely did the right thing. I remember your original post and was so frustrated at your ex’s behaviour. It’s going to be hard and sad now but you will be so happy soon. Take the time to breathe freely and enjoy being on your own.

[Reddit User] −  Sounds like you did the right thing. My partner also has a deceased ex, and I certainly would struggle of he was comparing me to her constantly. Grief is odd, but boundaries need to be maintained.. Wishing you the best.

CptBloodyObvious −  You absolutely did the right thing OP, here is to a new start 🥂

weirdgroovynerd −  Some relationships can only blossom so far. You enjoyed this relationship as much as possible, then let go when it became more depleting than nurturing. *When you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to.*. *Taoist proverb

Trifoliumhare −  You said she’s a wonderful person, but it didn’t seem like she was that wonderful to you. You deserve better. It hurts now, but that’s okay. You did the right thing. Take your time to grieve. And I think it’s normal to feel like you, that your partner should be upset.

When I met my ex after breaking up a few months prior, I felt really relieved by seeing that he grieved our relationship. It made me think that we both had appreciated what we had. I think your ex might gruevevtoo, but silently. You’re not a bad person for feeling the way you do.

FlatWatercress −  Sorry man. Honestly, when people die young they are automatically canonized. She has a memory in her head of someone that likely never existed and will continue to hold everyone to this unrealistic standard.

She clearly didn’t get enough help for her trauma and you shouldn’t have to live your life being compared to a kid that – while probably a good guy – has the luxury of never having to deal with adult problems with her or go through any real difficulty. Until she breaks up with him she wont be able to be happy with anyone else

[Reddit User] −  Seems like maybe she was using her deceased boyfriend as a way to drive a wedge between the two of you, in order to force a break-up? She clearly wasn’t over him yet, so I think it might be for the best. She needs time to properly grieve the guy and you can find someone who actually loves you for you and doesn’t compare you to other people (living or dead).

MrBorden −  Just read the original post. As a stranger on the internets, the lack of any kind of self awareness from her was painful to read. Right call to make long term though, my dude.

dolphone −  Two years is better than twenty, man. Breathe, take it one day at a time, and you’ll come out ahead from this. Trust me. Also: she doesn’t have to be a bad person to be in the wrong here. Don’t beat yourself up thinking she’s blameless.

innerbootes −  That was brutal, reading your original post. She needs help but seemed stuck. You absolutely did the right thing. You’re in the hardest part now but it will get better.

Relationships can teach us about communication and personal growth, even when they don’t work out. Have you ever faced a breakup that felt bittersweet yet liberating? Share your thoughts and experiences below.