[UPDATE] Girlfriend [21 F] is furious at me [21 M] after my grandmother spoke badly and derogatorily about her in Spanish right in front of her

In a heartfelt update, a Reddit user shared how they worked to repair their relationship with their girlfriend, Olivia, after their grandmother made racist remarks about her in Spanish during a family dinner.

Following the original post, the user apologized sincerely, and their family took steps to make amends, including heartfelt apologies and thoughtful gestures. Olivia has forgiven the user and their immediate family, though she remains hesitant about interacting with the grandmother.

‘ [UPDATE] Girlfriend [21 F] is furious at me [21 M] after my grandmother spoke badly and derogatorily about her in Spanish right in front of her’

People gave me a really hard time in my original post and it really made me realize how much of a d**bass I was being. I apologized profusely to Olivia and called out my extremely stupid behavior and basically begged for forgiveness.

After a couple more days of being mad at me she was willing to talk to my parents and my brother who apologized and told her that they really loved her and that they didn’t mean to hurt her.

They tried to explain the situation with my grandmother and why she behaved the way she did and they were just trying to minimize drama but that what she was saying was wrong and they should have stood up to her. My mother got her a gift set from bath and body works, costume jewelry and chocolate to go along with the apology.

So Olivia did forgive me and my family which I am so relieved about because I really am crazy about this girl. I’m definitely not going to take this for granted. A week ago my brother, Olivia and I went to an amusement park and my brother and her actually got along really well and she’s definitely convinced he doesn’t secretly hate black people.

(I never thought my brother was r**ist – when he was in middle school he “dated” a black girl.) He’s only 15 so I definitely don’t blame him for what happened. It was my dad’s fault for laughing. But yeah he really likes her and is glad she doesn’t hate him.

My mom invited Olivia to a beach with our family on Saturday (My abuela stayed at home) and although she mostly stayed by me and my brother she seemed to get along reasonably with my parents and seems to believe their apology (she was a bit hesitant to go).

I have told my grandmother that if she wants me to be actively part of her life she must apologize to Olivia. My grandmother actually agreed to apologize but my gf doesn’t want to talk to her and I told her I will not force her to be around her but I did tell her that my grandmother is sorry for the way she behaved.

So yeah that’s my update. I appreciate all the replies no matter how harsh. It really made my realize my stupidity. Still have a lot of growing up to do but I am really happy she took me back.

Check out how the community responded:

dallyan −  You’re really lucky Olivia forgave you. Folks, it’s time to stop “trying to avoid a scene” with our r**ist family members. If we’re not ready to call them on it and potentially cut them off if they continue to be that way, then we’re not allies in the fight against racism. It can’t all be on people of color to combat it.

meeni −  Nice update. Happy to hear that it seems to have worked out as well as you can hope after something like that. Best of luck

stophittingthyself −  It might be nice to ask your grandma to put the apology in writing so your girlfriend has the choice to read it, or not, at her leisure. That means girlfriend isn’t put on the spot and isn’t forced into forgiving before she’s ready.

arwrawwar −  I’m happy for you that you didn’t get dumped, but I feel sorry for your girlfriend. That’s a crapload of family interaction for her…I’ve never been seriously offended by my boyfriend’s family and I don’t have to see them as frequently as you’re making your girlfriend see yours.

You said yourself that your girlfriend was hesitant to go to the beach – maybe cool it on inviting her to hang out with people that make her uncomfortable.

[Reddit User] −  PSA: its fine not to walk on eggshells about race but remember, don’t counter someone’s own feelings and experiences of racism with “so-and-so can’t be r**ist! they have a black friend/colleague/partner”. That’s not what OP did it’s just generally not sound reasoning

KevlarSweetheart −  I checked the ages and it all made sense. This isnt something an older person would put up with. I was done with these types at 24. You’re lucky to have such a sweet girlfriend because myself and most of my friends now at 27 would not tolerate that r**ist crap. Goodluck OP and let this be a lesson.

cherrydrpepper −  Well, that’s awesome! Good job for seeing where you could’ve better handled the situation and addressing it after.

TsukasaHimura −  Thank God. OP, you are lucky this time and it may not be so lucky next time. When you see something wrong, speak up. May it be your gf, friends, or just some strangers.

jessisaurusrex −  For what it’s worth coming from a stranger, I’m proud of you for swallowing (familial) pride and being open to personal growth. Standing up to family takes a lot of guts and you are a much, much better partner to Olivia for doing so. Regardless of how it all works out in the long term, I hope you foster that attitude because it will help you more than you know.

[Reddit User] −  She still deserves better.