UPDATE: Every year, my boyfriend (21M) and I (22F) go on a “break” because he doesn’t know what he wants?

A Reddit user (22F) shared an inspiring update about her decision to end a toxic relationship where her boyfriend (21M) would go on yearly “breaks” due to indecision. After breaking up, she discovered he had been cheating, but instead of letting it break her, she focused on self-discovery, friendships, and rebuilding her self-esteem. She’s now genuinely happy and excited about her future. Read the full story below.

‘ UPDATE: Every year, my boyfriend (21M) and I (22F) go on a “break” because he doesn’t know what he wants?’

It’s been about 4 months since my first post and I thought I’d post an update. Looking back on this post, I can’t believe what a difference 4 months has made. After posting it, I read my own words and realized that the relationship was over. I was making excuses for him and justifying staying miserable in the relationship because I just loved him so much.

We had a talk when I visited my hometown and broke up. We both were emotional but knew it was for the best, and I was content thinking we were going to spend time being single and discovering who we are as individuals after being so close for so long.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. I found out he had been cheating for at least a couple months before telling me he wanted another break. He began officially dating the new girl about 3 days after we broke up and he moved in with her after a couple months of dating. He has always been super resistant to commitments before, so that came as a shock. My self esteem took a huge hit.

Now things are different. I discover new things about myself every day, I spend time with my friends who make me feel loved and important, and I’m truly happy for the first time in a long time. At first I wanted to start dating again and I told myself I was ready, but the truth is that there’s so much I don’t know about myself yet, and I want to get to know me before I focus on another relationship.

Anyway, thank you to the people who commented and let me know that something was going on. As obvious as it was to them, I was completely blindsided. I’m just grateful to be out of that situation and I’m excited for what’s ahead.

See what others had to share with OP:

floomsy −  Awesome that you’re putting yourself first and moving on happily. I’m sorry he was cheating. That’s tough.

NightOwlEye −  Congrats! I’m glad you’re happier now 🙂

kaeleymel −  Congratulations, I truly believe you will be way happier than him, if not already. It takes a lot of strength to go through the self-discovery process and I think you still have some more revelations about your ex-boyfriend/relationship that you are going to discover.

I know you said your self-esteem took a hit when he moved in with his next girlfriend, but it won’t be sunshine and rainbows that you think it is. First, if he cheated on you with her, he will cheat on her – and that is the opposite of commitment.

Second, there relationship is already showing signs that is an unhealthy one e.g, the relationship is moving way too fast if they have already moved in together – I think you would fully understand and have a revelation about this when you go into your next relationship when your ready.

It also sounds like he doesn’t know how to be single – he jumped from one relationship to another instantly – this is where you have the hugest one-up on him because you are starting to discover how you can love yourself without any validation from anyone else and that is a powerful thing because the more you love yourself, the more confident you are and the more people you attract because of it. So own it and enjoy it.

WhoaTurdz −  I’m glad you ended things. Reading the original post just now, i kept scrolling hoping it ended up with a break up. You are young you have a lot of experiences to still have, and people to meet!

[Reddit User] −  Wow that is messed up. Me and my boyfriend used to go on breaks or break up a lot in the beginning, but always got back together. I usually begged him to stay etc. The last time he suggested a break I told him flat out “no more breaks, if you want that it will be a breakup for good.

I want to see you delete my number right now and if you walk out the door it will be the last time you ever see me” that straightened his ass out of that break nonsense. I was going to suggest doing something similar but reading the rest of your post I see that it’s a long gone situation.

Dunkman77 −  Pretty inspiring stuff. Glad to hear you’re in a great place in your life and taking the time to get to know yourself. A relationship can be a great addition to our lives but if it’s filling a void we’re doing it wrong. No other person can fill the me shaped spot in my heart.

GloomyUnderstanding −  My ex did the same thing, one day during my degree I had a call during class. I answered it and it was my mum and I stepped out. She said my ex had been crying down the phone because his gf who he was cheating on me with cheated on her. We had a GOOD laugh. I don’t know if I believe in karma, but I do believe bad people often get a taste of their own medicine. Just enjoy life, that’s the best revenge.

jolie178923-15423435 −  As obvious as it was to them, I was completely blindsided. OP, stuff like that is only obvious to people when they’ve had a lot of experiences and been burned by people like your ex. You’re young and you trusted him, and he used that against you. He’s a giant piece of s**t, and I’m so sorry you ever had to deal with a person who would behave that way.

mavienoire −  I hope you know that his actions after your breakup don’t say anything about you or your relationship with him. My first thought when hearing that he moved in with someone right after a breakup is that he was probably compensating for his sense of loss, stability and connection to you.

He was afraid of commitment and as soon as you broke up with him for lack of commitment he made a huge commitment with someone else. That screams insecurity to me. You are both young and it seems that he is much less emotionally mature than you.

I’m glad that you ended an unhealthy relationship and have given yourself time to grow and explore what another relationship feels like. A healthy, happy relationship is the best feeling in the world. Given his behavior, I can’t help but think it will take him a long time to find that (even if from the outside it looks like he has it).

jennifereetah −  Honestly I think this is perfect timing for your life. You are going to finish grad school and start your professional life as a single and enlightened person. I took some time in my 20’s to be single and I am grateful and look back very fondly to that time.

Have you ever found strength in letting go of a toxic relationship? How did focusing on yourself change your life? Share your stories or advice for others in similar situations!