UPDATE AITAH for going off on my pregnant SIL after repeatedly being disrespected and ignored by her?

It had been a month since my last post, and now I have the opportunity to provide an update, finally. First and foremost, I would like to thank everyone who commented and supported me in my previous post and I apologise for not being able to respond to each and every one of you.
First, please read my original post: https://aita.pics/kWviS

‘ UPDATE AITAH for going off on my pregnant SIL after repeatedly being disrespected and ignored by her?’

My husband and I have returned safely to our home. After a few days of silence following what happened at the gender reveal party, I eventually sat down with my husband to discuss it. We had an honest discussion in which I expressed how mean my SIL has been to me, and my husband ended up apologising for not standing up for me while subconsciously knowing how my SIL has treated me.

As I mentioned in my previous post, my husband comes from a household without a girl sibling and for the past 12 years, SIL has been like a sister to him leaving him torn between speaking out against her and sticking up for me. He said he didn’t expect things to go so bad because we live in separate countries and won’t see each other much. We resolved our conversation with him promising to have my back if something like this happened again.

In the same week, my husband and I had the opportunity to speak with my BIL through video call (SIL was not present). I know not everyone would agree with my apology, but I did apologise to BIL for causing a scene by yelling at their gender reveal party. To my surprise BIL it was fine and he remarked “she had it coming” 😂. Following that BIL apologised to me on behalf of SIL as well as for turning a blind eye to what had been going on between me and SIL.

We discussed what might be the source of SIL’s h**red for me and to my surprise it appears to be tied to the fact that SIL believes I am taking over the position of daughter in law in the family from her. She has been the only SIL for my husband’s brothers and she believes I am taking over the role. As I previously stated, my husband’s younger brothers have been studying in my home country since early this year, and we have had many opportunities to spend time together.

According to BIL, SIL believes the brothers have been pulling away from her and become closer to me. For information, the brothers are 22 and 16 years old. Adding to the unpredictable pregnant hormones, she believes I’m buying the brothers’ love by spoiling them with materialistic items. BIL stated that she had mentioned her concern to him several times previously, but he did not expect her to take it seriously and always dismissed it.

He apologised again and stated that he will discuss it with SIL after her feelings have been resolved. According to BIL, SIL has been acting as if nothing has happened, so he is also unsure when it is appropriate to bring the issue to the table. We ended the video chat on a positive note, and I promised BIL that I would speak with the brothers and perhaps encourage them to contact SIL to see how she is doing so she does not feel left out.

And as for SIL, I haven’t spoken to her yet and to be honest I’m not sure I ever will. My husband and I have decided to move on from this situation and focus on our own lives. I believe that is all the updates so far and to be honest I could use some suggestions on how to “fix” my relationship with my SIL. Should I reach out to her or something?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

soogx0 −  Honestly, sounds like you’ve done enough. You apologized, talked it out with BIL, and even considered SIL’s feelings. If she wants to fix things, she’ll reach out. Focus on your peace for now. 💁‍♀️

bossbabeeee03 −  NTA for sure. Your SIL must understand that pregnancy is not an excuse to be rude and unkind to others. Continue advocating for yourself!

SerenityLunaMay −  Why would you want to fix the relationship? You did nothing wrong. Your SIL is the one who needs to be apologizing. Honestly, her attachment to the younger siblings is weird to me. She should be encouraging them to have a relationship with you because you and your husband are there and can be there for them if they ever need help.

I feel like her saying she was jealous of the younger brothers is really just her trying to get out of taking accountability, which you are helping her with. Why Why Why would you be apologizing?? It just doesn’t make sense to me. She ruined her own party, she has been the one being cruel for a long time, she has been the one that has the issues. Of course she isn’t going to change or apologize when all of you keep taking the accountability away from her and blaming yourself.

Alternative_Talk3324 −  I’d leave well alone to be honest. Why would you want a relationship with someone like your SIL. She sounds insecure and insufferable.

Square-Minimum-6042 −  NTA. Just let go of any hopes of a relationship with this crazy woman. Don’t reach out, you went above and beyond by apologizing when you were not wrong.

No-Fox-1528 −  I think you’re a very sweet person for wanting to fix your relationship with her, but that isn’t your responsibility.  Your SIL is upset because she is losing the power and control of being family soriarch (pretty sure this isn’t a word, but the sister version of a matriarch). It is her being selfish and not realizing that nobody owes her to be closest to her. Frankly, it’s a pretty narcissistic viewpoint. 

Let her stew and live your life, because the only way you could “fix” it in her eyes is to go away. And I would hope you don’t think that’s an option. 

Visual-Ad2319 −  No, you are not a “KAREN” for establishing limits and advocating for yourself. Being pregnant is not a justification for impolite conduct.

Aisforapple12 −  NTA. It will become a self fulfilling prophecy. She will act so irrational and out of bounds that she will isolate herself from others, including her own family. You don’t need to do anything, just keep your boundaries. There is nothing to fix because it all stems from her insecurities. That is something she needs to work on and no one else can address.

Sensitive-Ad-5406 −  I suggest you don’t reach out and don’t engage at all. At the very least you’re owed a MASSIVE apology, and she needs to stop being a raging cunt.

ObsiVaith −  I’ve been in a similar situation, and focusing on my peace was key. You’ve already done your part by apologizing and understanding her feelings. If she wants to mend things, she’ll reach out. For now, live your life and let her handle her own issues.