Update: AITA for slapping my ex’s wife?
A Reddit user provides an update about her conflict with her ex-husband’s wife after a heated incident involving her teenage daughter. Despite the tension, the two women sat down to address their emotions and set boundaries. Did this conversation bring resolution, or are deeper issues still at play? Read the updated story below.
For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/EOsOo
‘ Update: AITA for slapping my ex’s wife?’
I believe I was fairly deemed as the AH, and I take full responsibility for everything I’ve done. My daughter’s stepmom came over this morning and we talked about what happened. She said she understands why I reacted the way I did since she would do the same for her kids.
She said that everything was a misunderstanding and that she only had my daughter doing so many chores since my ex is always busy at work and she has to chase three young ones around the house, so she needs extra help.
I apologized for hitting her in her home where you her younger children could’ve seen, especially since I’m a Christian and I need to show that better . But I made it clear that she has no right to slap my daughter, no matter how upset she was.
Again, I did NOT apologize for standing up for my daughter, but for letting my emotions over cloud my judgement. I also added how there needs to be more boundaries in her home when it comes to how they treat my daughter and how she’ll be staying with me a little bit longer until I can trust that they’ll treat her equally to their other children.
She began to break down and cry about how stressed she’s been and how she has postpartum depression. That made me feel more guilty for hitting her. She apologized for taking the discipline of my daughter into her own hands and passive aggressively mentioned how she’ll just tell her Dad to handle it next time.
She wanted to speak to my daughter but was still asleep in her room so I just said that she’ll get to speak to her once my daughter is ready to speak to her. My husband is convinced that she is not sorry at all though. She left not to long ago so I thought I’d just give everyone this quick update if y’all are still interested.
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
Better-Property-5444 − Please put your daughter first. No amount of frustration justifies hitting a child, especially a child that’s not your own. Your daughter deserves to be safe and the ability to put her schoolwork before a mountain of chores. This woman berated your daughter for not doing dishes when she was trying to study for a test…
she is making a fool of you. Speak to your daughter and allow her to comfortably and safely choose where she would prefer to stay. “Allowing her dad to handle it next time” doesn’t seem like much of a better solution since “dad” isn’t looking out for his daughter either.
SerenityLunaMay − She isn’t sorry. She wants her maid back. Do not send your daughter back. She slapped her once and I can guarantee nothing will stop her from doing it again. I had post partem depression and never ever put my hands on anyone. She chose to keep having kids, she can take care of them.
kepsr1 − Do not be fooled by this lying abuser. Your daughter is not her f**king maid. Keep your daughter away from her unless ordered by the courts.. Updateme!
No-End3167 − Jesus Almighty, don’t let “Christianity” cloud how you think about your actions. You weren’t an a**hole, but you will be one of you give that woman an inch. Her excuses aren’t good enough.
MommaKim661 − Agree with hubby. She’s not sorry. She has zero right to make daughter pick up her dad’s slack. Make sure your ex knows your daughter isn’t responsible for his part of the chores.. Updateme. Edit spelling
Ok_Bit1981 − Her postpartum is NOT an excuse for treating your daughter like a housekeeper/nanny/servant. And it sure as hell DOES NOT negate the fact she put her hands on your kid. If she is having problems at home, with no help from her husband..
that’s a HER problem; that needs to be dealt with BEFORE your daughter ever goes back there. Boundaries must be set! As for your daughter.. Please explain to her that she needs to prioritize her mental health over helping the family that don’t prioritize her well-being.
Make sure she understands she autonomy of herself, and to never feel guilt for prioritizing her own self. Make sure she knows to protect her peace!<3 ETA: Your ex-husband can kiss his relationship with his daughter goodbye. He’s the a**hole, for putting his daughter in this situation. She’s not the help; SHE’S HIS F•CKING DAUGHTER!
Life-Read-4328 − You were NEVER in the wrong in your first post, in my opinion. You were in the right the entire time, ASIDE from not putting your foot down sooner on your exes wife overstepping her bounds as a STEP parent to your daughter. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t have stopped at one slap.
Trinityblade28 − If she’s truly struggling with postpartum and your ex isn’t home enough to assist and support her… sounds like maybe your daughter should stay with you until they figure out their home life and situation.
Even if she was actually sorry, I can easily see her coming back to the same excuse and make your daughter her punching bag/maid again. Also, what was she like before when she first came around and before the first child?
I’m just trying to see if her behavior is truly induced from the stress of being a mom of multiple smalls kids or if she really just doesn’t like you or your daughter.
sodak_read − I still don’t think you are an AH for the slap. You gave her what she gave your daughter. Good for you for standing up for your daughter.
Big-Tomorrow2187 − Yeah she’s not sorry she’s just sorry she lost her live-in nanny/maid
Do you think the steps taken by both women were enough to mend the situation and ensure better treatment for the daughter? What additional measures would you suggest to improve the family dynamic? Share your thoughts below!