UPDATE: AITA for refusing to put my BF on the title of my house or make him a beneficiary

A Reddit user shared an update on their previous post about refusing to add their boyfriend to the title of their house or make him a beneficiary. After a heartfelt conversation with him, they learned that his behavior had been a result of feeling hurt and misunderstood.

In a surprising twist, he proposed to her during a hike, revealing that he had been planning the proposal for months despite previously stating he didn’t want to get married. The couple has now agreed on adding each other as beneficiaries and keeping their finances separate even after marriage. Read the full story below for the details.

‘ UPDATE: AITA for refusing to put my BF on the title of my house or make him a beneficiary’

I listened to a lot of your feedback and talked to my BF after my post. He seemed weird in our talk. (He’s been weird a lot lately, but I have been excusing it.) He told me that he said to put him on as an insurance beneficiary partially as a joke but then when I “went off” on my tangent (including offering up that he’ll never go on my house title either even though he never mentioned it) that he got offended and reacted poorly.

He said he really did think I was going off about all that in retaliation for his “no to marriage” talks so he was left with a bitter taste. Which…I get. I can be more forceful than I realize and I am naturally passive aggressive. He said I didn’t have to put him on anything but he needs me to understand that I am it for him. He wants to makes his life with me. Things seemed to be better after this.

That weekend he asked if I wanted to go on a hike. It was peak season for the leaves changing and there is this waterfall he suggested we go to. We get to the waterfall and he pulls an envelope out of his jacket with a tiny bow on it and says it’s a present for me.

I open it and it’s a receipt from a jewelry store. I was confused but I see he had the date of purchase highlighted and circled with a heart – it was early August (before the talks we had where he said he never wanted to get married). I turn and there he is with a ring. I said yes.

He said he knew I would never believe that he had the ring before all this without the receipt. That his attitude and comments when I started asking about marriage was to fool me so I didn’t get suspicious because this was the plan all along – he wanted an autumn proposal in a beautiful location since it’s my favorite season.

Money he has been saving after moving in with me (since I charge him a much smaller amount than he was previously paying) went to the ring. He saved money for over a year because he knew when he moved in with me that he was going to eventually ask me to marry him.

So honestly this is the best case scenario! We talked after too. When we get married we will add each other as beneficiaries on our insurance policies. And we decided there’s no need to put him on my title even after we get married. I really appreciate everyone’s comments on that last post! I read all of them and most people were genuinely concerned and offered wonderful advice and support.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

J0sey_W4les_23 −  Oh man, what a bumbling way to hide a proposal. This will make a great story down the line though and I bet you two will laugh about it quite a bit. Glad it worked out.

Roatie −  We learned fron Chandler that this is not how one covers an intent to propose. Anyway, congrats on actually communicating!

forrealmaybe −  Congratulations. But I really wish he had realized that you can surprise someone with an engagement without forcing them to go through the emotional toll of thinking their partner is anti-marriage. He could have told you he was open to marriage but wasn’t ready yet, and still surprised you. He really created a lot of unnecessary drama and angst with his approach.

[Reddit User] −  Info- is your name Monica? Do you have a fiancé called chandler?

[Reddit User] −  I heard you were going on a hike i was like will he try to push you off and was hoping you give him the money from the insurance after your gone. then you said he perposed so i was like whew she safe. but then i realised if you died you wound not post an update.

InAHandbasket −  That his attitude and comments when I started asking about marriage was to fool me so I didn’t get suspicious. Typical.. Congratulations on the engagement!

loudent2 −  I don’t understand how people can be soo foolish. He risked a break-up level fight to trick you? ugh.

[Reddit User] −  I find it cruel and m**ipulative that in order to create a surprise proposal he thought the best course of action would be to convince you that he didn’t want to ever get married. Surely there are better ways to go about surprising you without causing you distress for months

trilliumsummer −  Blech. Engagements shouldn’t be a surprise. The proposal can be, but a couple should be talking about and on the same page and have talked about serious things. One should know the proposal is coming because you’ve talked about and agreed you want to get married and what that marriage and your future will look like.

The whole I’m not one for marriage-surprise here’s the ring is so I value having a good story than I value moving with my partner side by side making decisions together and not causing them distress. But that’s me, and you’re happy, so congratulations.

insomniac29 −  I’m glad it worked out, but I would recommend to anyone reading not to lie about major life decisions like whether or not you want to get married. I don’t know anyone who had a truly “surprise” marriage proposal, it should be something that you have already had in depth conversations about to make sure you’re on the same page. In most cases it will backfire because people will take you at your word and go find someone else who has compatible life goals.

Do you think the Redditor made the right choice in keeping their financial and property boundaries, or should they have been more open to blending their assets with their partner? How would you approach these types of discussions in your own relationships? Share your thoughts below!