UPDATE: AITA for not accepting my sister’s relationship with my ex despite her having cancer as a teenager?

A Redditor shares an update on their difficult decision to cut ties with their sister after learning she was in a relationship with their ex. Despite her past struggles with cancer and wanting to rebuild their relationship.

The Redditor felt that getting involved again would lead to unhealthy dynamics. They also distanced themselves from their family after feeling unsupported, especially by their dad, and struggled with the emotional fallout. Read the original story below…

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/cimld

 

‘ UPDATE: AITA for not accepting my sister’s relationship with my ex despite her having cancer as a teenager?’

I got in touch with my sister and asked her to meet up again at a park (no bill involved). I asked her if she was pregnant and she told me the truth. She said she wanted us to still be in each other’s lives and that she wanted me to be in her baby’s. A redditor (and I forget who, I’m sorry) mentioned that she may ask me to be the godmother and that person was correct.

But as many of you pointed out — if I didn’t cut her off, I’d just become her bank and daycare employee. So I told her I could no longer be in her life. And I left her crying on a park bench and felt like the shittiest person in the world. I emailed my parents and told them how betrayed I felt and that I’d be cutting off contact with them.

To my stepmom’s credit, she apologized. She explained that she never thought my sister would live to have kids and that she let her emotion over that get the better of her. Understandable. My dad said nothing, which is honestly what sucked the worst about all of this.

Ben tried messaging me from a burner account for the first time since the break-up but I blocked him without reading it. I didn’t go nuclear and post the story to Facebook as some suggested but I sent an email to the extended family members who I care about. I explained the situation and how I’d be distancing myself from my family.

Some have made it an us-versus-them situation and as much as I appreciate the support, feeling like I’m in some valiant battle just makes me more tired. So I haven’t been talking to much of anyone in my family. I feel lonely and crappy, but I think I made the right decision.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Girlwithnoprez −  IM IN BOSTON! And my family loves to have strangers in their homes, we are Dominican. DM ME.

Nothingisuphere1234 −  And I left her crying on a park bench and felt like the shittiest person in the world. You aren’t, you made the right decision. Sometimes people aren’t good to be in your life and you have to do things even if they are hard. Keep trying to live your best life!

Bambiitaru −  I’m sorry things turned out this way and that you aren’t a ‘priority ‘ to your parents. But seriously, does she not realize that. a)you and Ben were still sleeping together during those months and he could have just been stringing her along?

b)has she never been in a relationship? How would she feel if you had done that to her? c)she can always wonder now if Ben is cheating on her with someone else, but it would be karma. Ultimately I hope your parents realize that you are just as important as she is, and their behavior is pretty s**tty.. Good luck.

Crafty-Addition9105 −  Thank you for the update, OP. Very sorry about your father’s passivity. That’s gotta feel like a betrayal and you don’t deserve that. What you deserve? Every happiness, lots of joy, and a community of dear friends. And lots of pie at Thanksgiving. If we lived in Boston, I’d make sure there was a seat for you.

runedued −  Hey had to catch up on the previous post. I do believe that you are inherently a good person and that you got dealt a s**tty hand. One day your parents will realize how badly they messed up. Also, no relationship thats based off cheating AND an unplanned pregnancy ends well. Karma will get them, may a loving community get you.

MamaFen −  As someone whose spouse committed MULTIPLE adulteries (and his parents knew but kept it from me because they didn’t want me to leave him), I can give you this small parting gift: Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can keep you down or faze you after this.

All the nonsensical bullsh*t that would normally bother the heck out of you will now make you laugh because you get to say Hey, world, you’ve thrown a helluva lot worse at me and I survived it so COME ON.

Once the Everyone Sucks stage ends, life starts over again but it’s a hundred times more awesome. At first it feels weird, then it feels neat, kinda like getting a shorter haircut than normal. And eventually you wake up and realize you’ve become a wee bit more bulletproof.

You can’t fix s**tty people, alas, but you can get a LOT stronger after you cut them out of your life. Your sis survived cancer, but you, my love, did one better. You survived your cancer of a sister.

capmanor1755 −  You my friend are smart and funny and can write the s**t out of a story. Pick a friend to take to cancun for Thanksgiving and another to take to the Bahamas for Christmas. Write a nyt.com modern love submission and then write a screenplay.

Buy a gorgeous summer place in Northampton with the proceeds and use it as a holiday getaway with your chosen family. Retire early and wear only white cashmere. You deserve all of it.

Pillowprincess_222 −  I am so sorry that your family has betrayed you the way they did. I am happy that you decided to cut them out of your life. The absence of your presence will forever be a reminder of what your step sister and ex decided to do and your parents betrayal.

Unfortunately i have read multiple Reddit post with people in the exact same situation as you. They’re going to try to contact you as the years past and hope that time will make you forget. Just a reminder that you can move on without forgiving or forgetting.

They will also try to hold that child over your head, “the baby didn’t do anything though, she could have had an aunt.” However just know that your ex and stepsister was the reason the child doesn’t have an aunt. The child didn’t do anything wrong but neither did you. Children should never have to be burdened with their parents sins but that’s not how the real world works.

theorangeblonde −  I’m sorry this turned out to be so disappointing. Best of luck while you find your new family ❤️

Morris_Alanisette −  I remember your first post. Sorry this update isn’t happier but FWIW I think you’ve done the right thing.

Was it the right choice to cut off a sister who had cancer as a teen but betrayed the Redditor by dating their ex? Can tough decisions ever truly be “right” when they leave you feeling so lonely? Share your thoughts below.