UPDATE: AITA for letting my brother call me “dad” and refusing to tell him the u**y truth?

Original post: https://aita.pics/yJwYQ
Hey guys! So many people wanted me to update on my previous post and wanted me to seek professional advice first before I take matters into my own hands. Apologies if it is long. I’ll try to make it as detailed as possible while making this short.

‘ UPDATE: AITA for letting my brother call me “dad” and refusing to tell him the u**y truth?’

I went to my local therapist and told him about my situation and asked what to do. To keep it short, he said he’s heard similar recounts from before and said it is best if I tell him as soon as possible for multiple reasons and to **make sure that my bio-children are present** (multiple reasons). I asked a few of my closest friends and the majority said more or less the same thing.

My wife and I decided to sit the kids down and burst the big bubble. I asked my brother Josh to come closer and I made sure I held him close and make him feel comfortable. He asked “What’s going on?” but I started by telling us how much we cared and loved for him, then told him everything about my parents (I put them in a bright light in hopes of a reunion) and who I am to him, then quickly hugged him and my other two kids together and told him that I love all my children the same and NOTHING is going to change my love for him.

He was shocked and asked if I was joking, but I was starting to cry a little at this point, so he knew I was serious. My bio-children were very surprised too. He was in tears and asked me why I didn’t tell him sooner. I didn’t know what to say and said “I was just trying to protect you, I’m sorry and I hope you can forgive me”, but unfortunately and understandably, he left.

He didn’t talk to me as much, again, understandably so. I continuously offered him to go out to the park and play a bit of football (he loves that) and all his favourite things, but he just outright declined and even got a little angry sometimes for me even talking to him.

I thought I messed up big-time, until one day while my wife and two children were out doing shopping and we were alone, he came up to me and said “I know you’re not my real father, but I want to let you know you’re the best dad in the whole world. Sorry for before.” I hugged him and things got pretty emotional. It would be a big lie to say my house is normal now (far from that), but things are slowly – ever so slowly – starting to brighten up. There’s no longer anything to hide anymore and it feels like we are born again.

Josh is a tough kid, and he handled this far better than I believed he would. I’ll be looking into therapy for him to help him recover just incase it doesn’t go well in the long run. I’ll strive and continue to be a great dad to my kids, and a great dad to my brother/son. Thank you Reddit for pushing me towards this happy ending. Thank you for all the advice and judgements I got (excluding the rude ones about my uncles and aunts — eeek!) I love you all. Good night.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Wikidess −  “I know you’re not my real father, but I want to let you know you’re the best dad in the whole world. Sorry for before.” Oh man I felt the tears welling up in my eyes at this part! Thanks for the (rare) heartwarming update!

LeMot-Juste −  Therapy so he can deal with the future (he’s going to share this with friends who might not be kind) is a great idea! And keep being the best dad possible. Love him, never let him be in doubt of that, ever. Your wife is going to have to negotiate this on her end too, since he now knows she isn’t his biological mother anymore. Lucky kid your first son. Someday that will all be very clear to him.. Thanks for the update!

International-Aside −  Damn. It’s rare that an AITA post puts tears me my eyes but here we are. So glad things are working out well and that he’s getting his own treatment; its a lot to process but a caring professional can help guide him towards a healthy outcome!

RockyGeographer −  You are a shining example of how a Dad is not necessarily a biological father, but a man who loves his kids with every fiber of his being. Kudos to you for taking that hard step and always being there for your son. I believe he’ll learn even more about what it means to have a truly loving parent than he would have had you never told him. Wishing you and your family all the best.

Semajextah −  What a great update, thanks! Made me tear up a bit too. Glad he could see the light still in his life ;).

TurquoiseBlue621 −  Your children (all of them) are so lucky to have you as their dad. Thank you for sharing this touching update.

ISeeJustNoPeople −  He didn’t talk to me as much, again, understandably so. I continuously offered him to go out to the park and play a bit of football (he loves that) and all his favourite things, but he just outright declined and even got a little angry sometimes for me even talking to him.

I thought I messed up big-time, until one day while my wife and two children were out doing shopping and we were alone, he came up to me and said “I know you’re not my real father, but I want to let you know you’re the best dad in the whole world. Sorry for before.” I hugged him and things got pretty emotional. It would be a big lie to say my house is normal now (far from that), but things are slowly – ever so slowly – starting to brighten up. There’s no longer anything to hide anymore and it feels like we are born again.

I think all parents struggle with questioning if the decisions they’re making for their kids are the right ones. But I also know that stepparents, adoptive parents and family who step in to become parents struggle with that doubt a little bit more than the others do. So, I want to tell you from a family therapist’s perspective that you handled this *exactly* right! I mean, you really could not have done that any better, Dad.

You gave him the space he needed to process his feelings in his own manner *and* you made sure to stress that him doing so was okay. You allowed him to test the limits and to see if you meant it when you said nothing could make you love him less. It’s so sad that your parents weren’t interested in a relationship with this young man, but he sure did lucky to have a brother and father who loves him as much as you do. <3

stevenmeyerjr −  My high school friend had a similar situation. His “parents” were actually his grandparents and the “older sister” was actually his mother. She was only 15 years older than him. When they wanted to tell him, they pulled me aside and told me that he was going to have some big news told to him soon. They asked me if I would be there for him and if I could come over a lot next week.

So when they told him, he called me up and vented to me. I was there for my buddy and let him vent. Told him it was awesome of his grandparents to even do that for you. Played devils advocate and really helped him calm his anger. Anyways, point is… you may want to chat with his best friends about how they should be there for him. I really don’t know how I would have reacted if the parents hadn’t warned me first and I think it was a good thing for them to do.

gedvondur −  This was the best post. Thank you. My well wishes to you and your family.

Narcosis17 −  I remember reading your original post and hoping it would work out well for you all, and I’m glad it has. Nice one mate.