UPDATE: AITA for ignoring the groomsman?
Hello. I made a post about a year ago about a wedding I was at where I ignored the groomsman who wanted to hook up with me.
First, please read my original post: https://aita.pics/HGBuk
‘ UPDATE: AITA for ignoring the groomsman?’
It didn’t get much attention, but the comments were pretty life-affirming. I’ve been going through a pretty hard time for a few years now. It’s frustrating to see your friends find that “One” and settle down while you’re struggling to navigate your 30s alone. Especially when you’re from a family and a part of the country where if a woman isn’t married with kids by a certain age, something must be wrong with her.
My family and friends mean well, but they don’t always see how their actions hurt me. Dave did try to reach out to me after the wedding, but I just blocked him. I haven’t seen him since nor do I care to know what he’s up to. I stopped talking to the bride. I really didn’t appreciate the name calling or being expected to babysit a middle-aged man. Anyway, I wanted to update on this story so I can close out that part of my life.
After the wedding, I just made it clear to everyone. I’m done being a bridesmaid. I am officially retired. If you’re getting married, good for you, I’m not going to be a bridesmaid. Not even for an all-expenses paid bachelorette trip to Cancun. I think the fact that I was getting drunk and watching a hockey game with friends at the reception said it all. I’m just burned out from going to too many weddings.
That retirement because official over the summer. I had mentioned that I was in a LDR. It didn’t work out, but it did introduce me to a pretty big career opportunity. I spent a pretty big chunk of 2024 applying for this gig, waiting to see if I got hired and when I did, close out my life in America. I’m now living in Australia, at a job I love and being able to be my own person. I cut my hair, I got some tattoos, I found a hobby I love, I have new friends who run on the same vibe.
I don’t think I’m going to get married. If I do, that’s great. But at my age, I don’t think kids are in my future anymore. And you know what, I’m starting to accept it. My family doesn’t, but I have siblings with kids so my parents can spoil them. I think I just needed to get away from a really restrictive place in order to find my own happiness. Thanks guys. I really needed this advice in my life. Still love the VGK and now I can rep for them from Down Under!
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
MidwestNormal − Congratulations on truly finding yourself and choosing your own path! May you continue to prosper and enjoy a full life, on your terms.
Competitive-Proof410 − It’s worth considering that you don’t need a man to be a parent if you want kids. I’m typing one handed while nursing an IVF baby conceived with donor sperm. I wanted the baby, couldn’t find the partner.
If you don’t want a baby, great. If you do a man isn’t necessary. Women in the USA, Australia and other (not all) parts of the world have options.
k23_k23 − NTA. Sounds like a good plan: You living the life YOU want.
packedsuitcase − Congratulations on the new life – I did something similar at the same age (coming up on 3 years in my new country!) and it was the best choice ever. It’s hard to feel like you’re living on a totally different path than everybody in your life, and changing things up meant I was finally able to live a life I wanted and design it just for me. It’s the best, and I wish you all the happiness in the world.
lizziebee66 − I got married at 41. We met when I was a 37. My mum told me that I should have married him years earlier but he was on a different continent. If it is meant to be, it will be. I had focused on me until them and to be honest, if we had met in our 20s or early 30s he would have been out of my league. By the time we met we were equals and it was great.
Lagoon13579 − That is a great conclusion! I remember your story from a year ago. Thank you for posting.
13trailblazer − Happy for you. One thing that struck me was the never getting married or having kids thing. Wife and I got married at 37 and 39 respectively. Had a kid at 40 and 42. Everyone is healthy, happy and ok. We are older than the parents of her friends but I am 57 and they are late 40s and early 50s. Nobody cares. I will work a bit longer to make sure she gets through college but happy to provide for her dreams.
I was a male version of you 20 years ago. I have been a groomsman 10 times, best man once and a usher twice. I have 5 godsons out of those same marriages. I was everyone’s trusted friend, adopted big brother, actual brother, etc… It was flattering, exhausting, depressing and joyful all at the same time.
Each and everyone of those honors was given to me before I was married. If it never happens for you or is not something you want, you are wise and content with making the best life of the freedom that brings you. If the person of your dreams falls in your lap one day, just be in a place to accept that happened. I would not have my wife or my daughter if I wasn’t in a mindset to still be open to it, but I was 100% prepared to live a happy life alone with just friends as well.
AbsintheDuck − Just remember:”Trust me on the sunscreen.”
Tokugawa − Congrats, OP. Be sure to check out /r/childfree for support with how to handle other people giving you s**t for choosing not to have kids.
VinylHighway − All your points are valid. He was a 42 year old man you had no interest in getting to know, and he couldn’t read the room. Also he wasn’t even confident enough to approach you.. Just being a nice guy isn’t enough.