Update 2: AITA for refusing to pay my sister’s wedding expenses after she called my child a “mistake”?

A Reddit user shares a distressing follow-up to their family saga, where tensions with their sister Clara spiral into chaos. After refusing to pay for Clara’s wedding due to hurtful comments about their adopted daughter, Clara escalates her behavior—showing up intoxicated, verbally and physically attacking the user, and sending hateful texts

Now, the Redditor is grappling with the emotional weight of severing ties, taking legal action for their family’s safety, and facing indifference from other siblings. Read the full story below to uncover this deeply challenging family conflict.

For those who want to read the previous part: Part 1: https://aita.pics/bRiCE

‘ Update 2: AITA for refusing to pay my sister’s wedding expenses after she called my child a “mistake”? ‘

I kept my promise to my wife to wait before reacting. She knows me best and knew I was prepared to go nuclear. Turns out, I needn’t have bothered. Let me clear up a couple of small details and misconceptions I’ve read.

1. I am the eldest of the siblings. Mom and Dad have been sick for years on and off. So to those who think I’ve just started taken over as some weird power trip or something, no.

I’ve managed their finances, maintained their properties, and taken care of all their affairs before either of them passed. Dad simply wasn’t mentally able after a while and mom never had a head for that sort of thing.

2. Yes, I was mostly left in charge of my siblings growing up. Both my parents had businesses and worked often 7 day weeks. I cooked dinner and helped with homework and whatnot. I’m aware that’s not very normal, and I already know some of you will call my parents terrible for this but they simply didn’t know better.

I won’t hate them for any of it and as much as it caused me some negative effects, it also made my siblings feel safe. I’m proud of being able to protect them and be there for them when they were young so they didn’t feel how I felt. And yes, I am also in therapy.

3. I was the sole caretaker of my parents when they passed. The reasons are complicated but the short of it is, Dad got verbally a**sive towards the end and mom got severely depressed and blunt.

They were a challenge to deal with on the best of days. I hold no ill will towards them, but there it is. My siblings didn’t want to be around them. Dad was hurt and changed his will. Mom followed suit.

4. For those telling me I am “rewarding” Clara by paying for literally this month, and that I’m not a real mom or a bad mom by loving my daughter’s tormentor, I’m envious your world is so black and white.

Rent is literally due today and the money was already in transfer to her via auto-banking. And Clara isn’t getting rewarded, she is remaining *housed*. But from now on, she’s on her own.

5. Clara and I used to be pretty close but she did get distant around the time Decker was adopted. I didn’t know exactly why, just that the new dynamic was a challenge for her.

I know she *hates* Charlie and considers him evil and irredeemable. She had a really hard time losing our cousin-in-law, Decker’s biological mother, as they were very close so I assume her issues stem from this.

7. I inherited the majority of everything though my siblings got sizable sums, 3 got all but one of the businesses my parents owned, and everyone got trusts. Clara spiraled after mom passed and had a mental health crisis. Before we got her help, she traveled, drank, and gambled away her entire inheritance. Long story for another time.

I didn’t have a moment to cool down and wait until today to give myself a chance to make a level-headed decision regarding my sister. Clara has spun the tale that I am jealous she found a loving man and am withholding mom and dad’s money from her.

She gave the perception that I was the one abusing Decker, putting her down, and telling her she isn’t my real daughter. That shut down when I sent my text a couple days ago. Yesterday, Clara was on my doorstep.

She was crying and begging for me to let her in but my wife and her friends were inside and I made it clear I don’t want her near my family as she emotionally abused my daughter and physically harmed my wife. I told her to leave or I would call the police to have her removed.

I was going to call the police anyway because I told her never to come to our home again and there she was. There’s a reason I said this in text, so I could -in an event like this- show them clear as day that she would know she is welcome.

Clara started to beg saying she will apologize to Decker and she was drunk and upset and made mistakes. I could tell she was drunk. Or high. Or somethkng. I told her it’s not a simple “mistake” to b**ly a traumatized teen girl and make her feel unloved and unwanted by her own family and to text her that she is worthless and expendable. What the f**k!?

I got angry and just started to raise my voice. I dont know when I started to yell but I did. I just…lost it. She’s a cold-hearted, awful, self-serving b**t. Spoiled beyond belief to being so delusional that this all would just go away – that’s she’s *entitled* to the money my wife and I make, that our parents gave us after all she did.

She needs f**king help and I am done being the giving tree here. You don’t ever hurt my child. She’s lucky I have a head to keep my hands to myself and luckier still Honey isn’t out here because she certainly would not so go the f**k home.

Clara slapped me across the face and called me a b**ch and a t**itor that I choose that “demon spawn” of a child over her. That I love Decker more than my own real family and turn my back on her this way.

Honey must have been right by the door because before I could make a *very* bad choice she had yanked me inside, told my sister that she had 60 seconds to f**k off and slammed the door closed.

Clara left quickly but we still called the police and handed over the footage from our property cameras of what happened, as well as the texts from our phones. Clara went ballistic over text telling me awful things ending with her hoping I take my own life and she would celebrate.

Absolutely unhinged awful s**t like that. I blocked her, sent every piece of footage In a google drive and dropped the link in the sibling group chat and sent it to “Kevin” her fiance. I then sat down and cried myself into a fit before Decker came home from practice.

I put on my “mom” face for her and made sure she did her homework then I went to the den and called my aunt – Decker’s biological grandmother – and told her what happened.

My aunt told me that Clara is renewing her c**spiracy that I harming Decker and that I need to be careful because she suspects Clara is having some sort of mental break and might do something crazy. Honey and I have spent this whole day working on a request for a protective order from her.

Making sure Decker’s school knows no one is to pick her up but us. And get a lawyer because I think legal action is needed here. I told my eldest of the brothers that Clara needs help and asked if he could check on her because she might be as much a danger to herself as she is now presenting to be to me and my family.

He got quiet and said “Can’t you handle this?” And said this drama was too much and he’s busy. I was so stunned I just blurted out “Are you f**king kidding me right now?” Before I just hung up. My other sister is now over, helping me deal with this.

My other brother has gone to see after Clara, but says he will only make sure she hasn’t hurt herself but beyond that she can get wrecked for what she’s done. Kevin called me and said he went through the Google drive and begged me not to call the police on Clara.

He said that she has been having a really bad time, and has struggled with drinking and has been stealing his medications and he’s trying to get her help. But if she gets arrested, he doesn’t have the funds for bail pr any legal help. I told him it’s too late.

The police have been called and he needs to get her into some sort of rehab or something. He asked for our help to pay for a facility he was thinking of and I told him to keep her away from me and my family. He started to cry and told me I’m am awful sister.

That i don’t care about Clara and her struggles and that she’s just lost and he’s underwater trying to keep her from going off a deep end. I didn’t reply after that and have just been sitting around the house waiting for the police to call back,

trying to get my crying out fo the way before Decker comes home from school. I feel wretched and terrible because not matter what I do now, it will just never feel right.

I was to look after them all and now my sister is this l**atic hellbent on burning my life down and my brother is alarmingly just indifferent to it all. I am used to being the one that holds the family together and handle things. But I don’t feel like I can handle anything anymore. Wtf is my life?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Ok_Boysenberry_7535 −  F**k. I was really worried in the back of my head she might have addiction issues for this sudden personality shift, but I was hoping I was wrong. I’m so sorry, OP.

No_Lavishness_4420 −  Seriously your brother and Kevin need to wake the f**k up! She needs help and hopefully she’ll be court ordered to get help. This unhinged behavior is a direct threat to you and your family.

Shut that s**t down hard! And if anyone has the audacity to try to blame you, they’re full of crap. Your sister did this to herself and this is the consequences of her actions. Don’t let them guilt you into paying for rehab. Let them figure it out for once. Hugs to you and your family. Stay safe!!

SevenDogs1 −  Please tell your siblings that you were parentified as a child, sacrificing your childhood and youth to make them feel safe. Tell them that they need to step up and care for you now. That includes helping Clara. You’re done. And Decker IS your real family.

Conscious-Survey7009 −  As the oldest myself and I was parentified too, there’s only so much you can do. She is at the age and the point you have to wash your hands of her. You did take care of her, far longer than you should have. She wasted her inheritance and was living off you and your wife.

Your wife and child are your immediate family now and should always be your main concern. Your sister did this to herself and apparently your brother helped her with this by not dealing with her stealing from him. If Clara is in jail she will get the time to get off drugs and possibly get some mental health help.

Don’t get sucked in to paying for a rehab because if she doesn’t want to get clean she won’t and your money is gone. Get the protective order and make sure your daughter is listed on it too. Get screenshots of all the text messages sis sent her too for the record, you’ll need it. Good luck in dealing with this but you are doing the right thing!

Lumpy-Ad2946 −  Honey, I’m gonna be frank with you. F**k your siblings if any of them do not want to help you in the situation or take Clara’s sidecut them off. You have to do what’s right for your family right now. Your future brother-in-law is a piece of s**t. He let her get like this and didn’t warn any of you.

He’s enabling her and if he can’t handle his future wife, that’s him. You are not a bad sister for knowing when to cut her off. She assaulted you. That’s a hard line for pretty much everyone.

It doesn’t matter what she’s going through if she is going to be physically and emotionally a**sive to you and your family. your brother needs to pull his head out of his ass though or he’s going to be only with Clara for the rest of his life. He won’t have many siblings if he keeps this up.

Sweet-Interview5620 −  This is not your fault and it’s pretty crappy Kevin put getting her help on you the audacity. I would have made it clear he’s the one who knew all this yet he sat there and let her do these things.

This isn’t on you and you are no longer responsible for her messes, he’s the one sitting on his hands when he should have gotten her help sooner, that’s on him. He’s supposed to be her future husband wanting to spend their lives together.

That he has a real cheek and knows you’ve been a great sister/ mother to all of them far better than your parents and have went above and beyond most would even at this age for her. However there’s a difference in being a good sister and being a mug who lets someone abuse and harm your family.

She crossed that line long ago and he crossed his own today so he can deny the truth to delude himself if he wants. He either steps up as her partner or he doesn’t it’s not on you.

efrendel −  Take a deep breath. Now take another deep breath. Again…and again. Now that you have have taken about 5% off the top of the spiral you were about to veer into, accept that some things just can’t be salvaged. Your brother is an apathetic p**ck, but in fairness, I can’t really blame him for not wanting to deal with your sister.

Blame him for being a moral c**ard. Your sister is deranged. Her actions have passed the lines of, quirky, odd, weird, strange, and all the way to “15 pounds of crazy in a 5-pound bag”. You can’t help her, and you can’t hurt yourself in the hopes that you can.

Your family needs you to help yourself. Take some time to get **you** better. Get some therapy, pick up a hobby, or maybe take your wife and daughter on vacation, and just, collectively, turn you brains off as a family. Just don’t try and bear all this weight on your own.

Economy_Rutabaga9450 −  Part of the problem of being the one that holds everyone together, is that there is no support from those you protected when YOU fall down.. It is time to protect YOU.

Intelligent_Shine_54 −  She has other siblings and a fiance. Why does it fall on OP to finance her rehab when she is the victim of her sister’s abuse? That is ludicrous. Her fiance is just as delusional as the sister.

peachez728 −  You are in a tough situation. Someone will have hurt feelings no matter what choice you make. At the end of the day you must do what is best for your family (wife & child). It’s hard letting go of family when you know they will flounder but you don’t want to sink with them. I bet your parents wouldn’t want you too either.

This situation highlights the complexities of navigating familial loyalty while protecting one’s own family. Was the Redditor justified in their decisions, or should they have handled Clara’s struggles differently?

How would you balance supporting a troubled family member with ensuring your loved ones’ safety? Share your thoughts and perspectives in the comments below!

For those who want to read the sequel: Part 3: https://aita.pics/XQUuo