Update 2 : Aita for exposing my wife’s cheating and not wanting to do anything with a child that isn’t mine?
A Reddit user updates his situation after discovering that the son he has raised isn’t biologically his. Despite the betrayal, he loves the child deeply and has been trying to maintain peace with his wife and her family for the sake of the child.
However, after seeking therapy and deciding to pursue a divorce, his wife continues to plead for reconciliation. The user’s dilemma now lies in whether staying with his wife for the sake of his son would be best, or if it would compromise his well-being. Read the full story below to see the user’s ongoing struggles with this complicated situation.
For those who haven’t read the previous part: https://aita.pics/HWmzR
‘ Update 2 : Aita for exposing my wife’s cheating and not wanting to do anything with a child that isn’t mine?’
It’s been a month since I found out that my son isn’t mine, I sought therapy, I love my son even tho he isn’t mine BIOLOGICALLY, but I love him, I always did and always will, in my anger I called names to my wife which I didnt want to but she betrayed me and my sil?
She definitely deserved it cause she called me weak and treated me like s**t after I found out the truth. I realised that it’s better if I just make peace with everyone after alot of sessions, and be in my kids life,
I don’t know why I am getting angry messages about how I went too far and my situation is fake and I should forgive my ‘wife’, well I agree I was angry cause it’s a betrayal worse than just cheating.
In any case, I am posting once again because I truly tried my best, I discussed with my sil thankfully she wasn’t hostile, we apologized to each other and we still don’t like each other but it’s okay
I visit my home every few days, my sil and my wife and my son live in my house, I am tolerating all this because of my child and I just want a clean Divoce from my wife and want to be in my child’s life because I am the only father he has know, tho young I don’t know how to tell him the truth.
Everytime I visited my home to spend time with my son, my wife would always hug me, I stopped pushing her away because it never worked, I just let her hug me and let her vent, she keeps venting about how sorry she is and wants me back but I always told her that I am here for my son, she cries but doesn’t say much infront of our son thankfully.
But 3 days ago when I visited my son to spend time with him, (I absolutely adore him, he always gets excited whenever I come back to meet him), I told my wife that I have hired a lawyer, in my son’s absence ofcourse.
My wife freaked out and said I shouldn’t split our family apart, she said my son might not have my dna but he’s my son and she’s my wife and we can make ‘it’ work and live happily and she’ll give me as many children as I want.
I left after she vented, I am still angry at my wife and my sil but I am in control of my anger, her family kept calling me and telling me that I should give my wife another chance and I should be a good husband and she will be a good wife to me
But when I refused they said there’s a chance I won’t be able to see my son, which got me scared, I love my son, even tho he isn’t mine, and he loves me as I am his father, but what if I am not allowed to see him? What if they flip the situation?
That’s what I am worried about. It’s not about me but the child’s mental health and I fear that they are weaponizing it and I don’t want that. Aita to myself if I stay with my wife for my son and help him?
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Mother_Search3350 − They are s**t people for using your son as a hostage to b**ckmail you into keeping their cheating daughter as your wife. You need to keep those texts and send them to your lawyer. Show them as proof that your wife is not fit to parent a child if she can use the child to b**ckmail you to do what she wants
Ok-Ad3906 − *”My wife freaked out and said I shouldn’t split our family apart…”* Boy, she’s *all kinds of stupid*, isn’t she? 🤔🙄😒. *Pot… meet kettle.* 😬🫣 And you have rights, OP!! Consult an attorney. They can provide options that will be secure if the need to take them arises.
Do *NOT* give in to b**ckmail or threats and document EVERYTHING (i.e., communicate via text / email ONLY) *and share all of yhis with an attorney!! *DO NOT* set yourself on fire to warm her lying, cheating heart. I continue to send positive thoughts and vibes your way. I continue to wish you and your son all the best! ☺️🥰🙏🏻❤️
itport_ro − Why, why would you want, in God’s name, to stay in this sham of a marriage and family? Your wife is nothing but a black hole for your wealt and health? What if you will never see “your boy”?
Hire a shark lawyer and get rid of all, someone probably put a spell on you and you literally lost your mind and manhood…!. WAKE UP, STOP DREAMING! Act before it’s too late, untangle yourself from this extreme betrayal and make your OWN family!
B-Rye83 − OP, she is using everything against you as a manipulation. First, she’s saying he’s your kid and you can’t keep him out of your life. Now, as you are open to still being part of his life without her, now you can’t see him.
I know you love your son, and he’s not at fault, but what happens after a year of resentment is raising and paying for the proof of your wife’s betrayal. What happens after 5, when/if she remarried, what happens when he wants to meet his biological father and several other factors.
This is a fresh wound, and just as you shouldn’t rush into a**ndonment, you also can’t rush into remaining as the child’s. Father. I want you to consider this. What if you came home with an affair baby. Would she happily and willingly raise this child for you?
Tango_thecat − If you signed your sons birth certificate I think you can have a say in whether or not you get to see your son.
Headeyes4life − OP, I’ll just be honest. I don’t see anyway moving on with your life being attached to this kid. It’s tough and I get you have invested 5 years already into raising this child, but the best thing for you is to pack up and move on.
Right now, your wife and her entire family are using the kid as a means to black mail you into staying with her. They are active using him to take options away from you. The best way out of this is to give up rights to the kid.
Even if you do get what you want, co-parenting and divorce from your wife, can you really move on with your own life? I don’t think you will find a woman that is okay with you being a father for a kid that isn’t even yours, lessening your own chances of having kids that are biologically yours.
If you do manage to have a new family, do you think you will maintain that relationship when you have kids that are biologically yours? Especially when the child brings the drama of your stbxw into your new life. The reality is that you will distance/alienate yourself eventually from this kid. Just rip the bandaid and do it now.
x271815 − Do not stay in this relationship.
JFCMFRR − You’re in for a lifetime of them holding this over you and manipulating you for whatever they want. I’d cut ties now and let them deal with the fallout. It’s unfortunate, but the kid will be growing up in a very hostile environment either way.
Edit to add: If you do cut contact, write a letter to this kid right now explaining everything and hang onto it. Someday he may show up with lots of questions and accusations. Hand him the letter.
BlueGreen_1956 − The only sane choice is to cut ties with her and the child. Will it hurt a bit? Absolutely. But if you give in to the whore’s b**ckmail now, it will never end.
CandyPopPanda − YTA to yourself if you do this.. Wow. In addition to cheating on you, which is bad enough on its own, your wife also had unprotected s**, exposed you to the risk of infection, foisted someone else’s child on you, made you pay for it, and lied to her own child.
I think it’s very strong of you that you still care about the child, but in the end that will only bring suffering, the child will grow up in a loveless marriage and you will suffer too. Don’t let yourself be blackmailed and please find a good lawyer.
Do you think the user should stay with his wife for the sake of his son, or is separating and maintaining a relationship with the child as a co-parent the right decision? How do you think he should navigate the situation with his wife’s family? Share your thoughts below!