Protecting an 18-Year-Old from My Toxic Brother: Was I Too Harsh?

A Reddit user shared a difficult situation in which they felt compelled to intervene after their younger brother, who is known for being lazy and destructive in relationships, started dating an 18-year-old girl.

The user, concerned for the girl’s future, went to her parents and warned them about their son’s behavior, hoping to prevent her from getting too involved. However, the family was furious, accusing the user of sabotaging the relationship and not giving their brother a chance to “get back on his feet.”

Now, the user is torn between continuing to explain their actions or stepping back. To find out how others have responded, read the full story below…

‘ Protecting an 18-Year-Old from My Toxic Brother: Was I Too Harsh?’

My (28M) brother (26M) just told the family he’s dating an 18-year-old girl, and I had to intervene. He’s the baby of the family, and no one ever holds him accountable for his actions. He still lives at home, only contacts me or our parents when he needs money, and hasn’t worked hard for anything in his life.

He’s lazy, spends his days playing video games, and has a history of destroying the lives of the women he dates. They end up quitting their jobs or dropping out of school once they get involved with him because he drains their energy and ambition.

Recently, he started dating a girl we’ve known since childhood. She’s in her first year of university and has a bright future ahead of her. I don’t know when they started talking, but I do know she’s too young and naive to understand who my brother really is. I’ve seen this pattern before, and I knew I had to step in before she got too involved.

So, I drove to her parents’ house and told her everything. I explained who my brother is, how he will drag her down, and what would happen if she continued this relationship. I finished by saying that she could make her own choices, but I wanted to ensure she was fully informed.

I told her it was in her best interest to walk away before things got serious. I thought I was doing the right thing, but the next day, my phone exploded. My parents, my brother, and even the extended family all reached out, furious with me.

They accused me of trying to ruin my brother’s happiness and said I was sabotaging his chance to “get back on his feet.” They’re all blind to who he really is, and no one seems to understand where I’m coming from.

I’ve seen this exact cycle play out too many times. My brother gets a burst of energy, promises to change, and starts getting help from family, but then he blows it all away. He uses every excuse in the book—health issues, job market problems, whatever. It never lasts.

I’m at a loss. My family refuses to see the reality of who my brother is, and now they’re angry at me for trying to protect this girl. Should I keep trying to explain myself, or do I just let it go? I’m not sure what to do anymore, but I feel like I’m the only one who sees the bigger picture.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

NDaveT −  Is there even a point for me to try and explain to my family?. Nope.

ambercrayon −  If she were the same age I would say you should back way off, but a young girl with little dating experience is easy prey for dudes like this and I’m sure your brother was spinning all kinds of lies and exaggerations to her.

As a former naive 18 year old girl I think you were not wrong to try and protect her by opening her eyes. I also think the chances she told your brother and he used it to spin a narrative that benefits him and makes you the jealous j**k who has it in for him is 100%.

The likelihood she gives him more chances because she likes the attention is also high. This is classic dumb kid behavior. You told the truth though and even if they don’t break up immediately she’ll have what you said in her mind so she’ll be looking for the issues you told her about.

As far as how to explain it, I would say you were protecting a young person’s best interests and if your brother doesn’t like it he is free to date a woman with life experience and you’ll stay out of it. I wouldn’t expect them to ever understand or agree however.

phoenix-corn −  It’s very telling that your family thinks that him dating somebody is “getting back on his feet.” It makes it sound like they expect her to support him.

Zhorie-Rove −  How is dating an eigh**teen** year old with no life experience supposed to help a twenty-six year old man get back on his feet?

LTTP2018 −  you did her a solid. now ignore the rest. when anyone says anything to you ask them why they are ok with him dating a literal teenager. eight teen. see that word there? teen. proud of you! your family is unkind and unthinking. sorry bout that.

MrsCharlieBrown −  How did your family interpret dating an 18 year old as “getting back on his feet”. Wild.

sunkissedbutter −  THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.

JiminyFckingCricket −  When I was dating an a**sive POS, one of the tipping points for me was his sister sincerely pulling me aside and telling me to gtfo while I still could. I didn’t listen immediately but I could not shake it and it was incredibly helpful looking back. You did this girl a service OP. One that most people wouldn’t. Rest easy.

Best_Kale_670 −  Ugh I get it. My BIL is almost FORTY and still doesn’t have his life together, he did manage to get his degree and get an ok job, but his personal life and health are in shambles. He lives with his mom. Gambles, drinks, and snorts coke every single day and night and is a pretty verbally a**sive person.

He’s now going through court for abusing his then-girlfriend. My husband and I tried to warn her that he wasn’t a good idea, but she didn’t listen. What I’d say to you is you’ve done your part. The family can think what they want about it and the girl you’ve warned can also do what she chooses.

Now you just have to walk away from whatever else happens. You’re not responsible for anything else. And if I’m being honest your family can go kick rocks. If they really loved your brother they wouldn’t coddle and enable him like they do.

punkassbitch6969 −  You are the hero that more women deserve in their life.