My(39m) daughter (17f) wants me to sleep in her room because she broke up but I suspect something mire to it.

A Reddit user shared that his 17-year-old daughter asked him to sleep in her room after breaking up with her boyfriend, saying she didn’t feel safe anymore but refusing to explain why. Despite being close, she hasn’t opened up about the situation, leaving her father worried and unsure of how to handle it. He suspects something more is going on but doesn’t want to pressure her. Read the original story below…

‘ My(39m) daughter (17f) wants me to sleep in her room because she broke up but I suspect something mire to it.’

I’m a 39-year-old father, and raising my 17-year-old daughter alone after her mother passed away has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I know I can never fill the void left by her mom, but I try my best to be there for her. Yesterday, out of nowhere, my daughter asked me to sleep in her room.

She seemed upset, and when I asked if everything was okay, she started crying and told me she had broken up with her boyfriend. She said she didn’t want to talk about it and that she didn’t feel safe anymore. I didn’t press her and agreed to sleep in her room, but something doesn’t feel right.

We’re incredibly close, and she usually tells me everything, but now she’s being distant about this. I’m worried that there might be more to it than just the breakup. What should I do? How can I make sure she’s okay without pushing her too hard?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

sh4dfox −  Ask her why doesn’t she feel safe? Did he threaten her?

PoliticsAndPastries −  If she doesn’t feel safe that’s a big flag. Let her stay home from school for a few days and if she still isn’t feeling safe tell her that you need to know why she feels like she’s in danger. As her dad it’s your job to keep her safe and you can’t do that if you don’t know what happened.

Also remind her that there is nothing she could ever do to make you I stop loving her. If he has pictures she’s probably embarrassed and thinks you’ll be mad. Don’t get angry with her and just comfort her

ducking_what −  Let her stay home from school for a few days. Her mental health is just as important as her education. Be there for her, if she wants to talk or doesn’t. But tell her, unfortunately, she cannot stay home from school forever and if something drastic needs to change (like changing schools, etc) in order for her to feel safe, she needs to try and tell you something about what happened.

Remind her that you love her, you won’t judge her, and you a there for her no matter what, assuming you are. Have you met his parents before? Are they reasonable people? It might be worth having a conversation with them as well. Edit: Wow! Thank you for the silver! I’m so happy to see people supporting this. My mom let me stay home sometimes when I was younger and struggling, and it meant so much to me.

WallflowersAreCool2 −  Single parent of a teen here. If she wanted you in her room, she feels physically unsafe. Can you change the locks? Reinforce her bedroom windows? Sounds to me that he threatened to get to her somehow when she’s vulnerable (like sleeping).

Reassure her that you will protect her. And give her emotional space, i.e., stop with the questions for a bit until she is calmer. Hopefully she’ll be willing to open up and tell you what happened when she feels that she’s out of danger. Also, teen girls need chocolate! Lots of chocolate.

[Reddit User] −  “I’ll be here for you if you want to talk, I’ll also be here for you if you don’t want to talk” is a good start IMO. Jumping straight to suggesting she talks to a complete stranger when she doesn’t feel ready to talk to you seems like a bad idea.

fukinoath −  I’ve been reading through the comments and your responses, as someone who works with at risk youth in emergency situations on the daily this sounds like an abnormal breakup for a teen. There has definitely been a threat, if she is seeking physical security with you in the room I suspect her ex has lashed out or has threatened violence.

The possibility of racy pictures is also very high as well. The course of action to take here is to prioritise her mental health and safety letting her stay home. See if she is willing to have a close friend over during this time as she probably can’t tell her father everything which I think you can understand at her age.

From what I’ve read there is definitely a reason for concern and figuring out what exactly has happened with her ex is a priority before he commits any harmful actions against her. Don’t be afraid to involve the police or reach out to youth mental health resources in assisting you in any of this either!

EvenMoreSpiders −  Give her some time to process her feelings on her own but if in that time more alarm bells start ringing ask her if she needs to talk about whatever is bothering her and if she still doesn’t want to speak to you about it ask if she would rather speak to a therapist about it.

Remind her that you’re just concerned because you love her and want to support her however is best for her. It may just have been a break up but you know your daughter better than us.

[Reddit User] −  Did he s**ually a**ault her???

momtherapist −  I just want to start with the fact that you are an amazing dad. Your daughter clearly feels loved and supported by you and comfortable asking you to keep her safe. You should feel proud that you have raised her so well. Do what she says and asks for.

If she needs to stay home, let her. If she needs you in her room, be there. Tell her you are there to talk when shes ready. When she talks to you. Be calm and freak out later. Make her favorite meal for dinner and watch her favorite chick flick with some ice cream or chocolate.

shybonobo −  Old parent here. May I suggest this: tell her you are ready to listen when she’s ready to tell you what happened. If it’s something she *can’t* tell you (in her opinion), ask whom she would prefer to talk to. If she says there’s nobody she can talk to, say okay. Don’t push the issue.

But you are entitled as her parent to know if she’s ashamed, afraid, or just upset. So it’s okay to say “I need to know whether you’re ashamed, afraid or just upset. You don’t have to tell me why. Only so I know where you’re coming from.” That’s the end of it if she says ‘upset’ or ‘ashamed’, probably. Adolescence is full of humiliations and horrors and we can’t save our kids from those.

But if she’s afraid, you’ll have to say “who can you talk to about it?” Any combination with afraid (Afraid and upset, etc) is also a red flag. The goal here is to get her thinking about talking. So she understands silence isn’t an option. This is one of many approaches, and it has worked for me. Best of luck. This is tough..

It’s a delicate situation where trust, care, and boundaries come into play. Should he continue offering support without pressing her for answers, or should he dig deeper to ensure her safety? What advice would you give? Share your thoughts in the comments.