My wife (33f) is denying we’re married and wants to be called my ‘girlfriend’… I’m confused

A Redditor shares the confusion and frustration they’re feeling after their wife of four years started referring to herself as their “girlfriend” instead of their wife. At first, it seemed playful, but her behavior escalated, including not wearing her wedding ring and correcting them in front of friends.

The situation became more uncomfortable when she denied their wedding entirely during a conversation with friends. Despite reassurance that their relationship is fine, the Redditor is left wondering if something deeper is going on and how to approach the situation. Read the original story below…

‘ My wife (33f) is denying we’re married and wants to be called my ‘girlfriend’… I’m confused’

My wife (33f) and I (29m) have been married four years now, coming on five. We have generally had a good relationship and a good marriage. We had a reasonably expensive wedding, which we’re still paying for now. I get the bill every month to prove it. My wife took charge of planning the wedding, so it was to her tastes.

She seemed to enjoy it at the time and for the first few years of our marriage, she would look back at the wedding with me happily and without issues. In recent months I’ve noticed my wife’s attitude to a) our wedding and b) our marriage itself shift. It began by her (I thought jokingly) referring to herself as my ‘girlfriend’.

She told me to buy her a ‘girlfriend’ card for Valentine’s Day rather than a ‘wife’ one, for example. I thought she was just playing around at first. But this behaviour has only escalated. Two months ago my wife stopped wearing her wedding ring. I was understandably upset and asked her if there was something wrong.

She told me everything was fine and she just ‘doesn’t the sensation of jewellery on her hands’. My wife has never liked rings and jewellery so this could be the case. But when we are with friends, my wife will get upset if I talk about her as ‘my wife’ rather than just a girlfriend.

She will go as far to interrupt me if I’m talking/telling a story to ‘correct’ me on our relationship. Initially, this was something our friends laughed at, but now everybody just finds it understandably awkward. One of our friends was talking about their own wedding, which is scheduled for early next year.

They asked for advice from my wife about how she’d planned ours and my wife responded with ‘what wedding?’. When our friend continued talking about the table decorations my wife had used, my wife visibly teared up in front of the whole group and had to step outside.

Later that evening, I asked her directly if she has a problem with our relationship or if I’m doing something wrong in our marriage. She assured me that everything is fine between us. From my perspective, outside of this issue, our relationship is as strong as ever.

We are considering kids in the near future, our s** life is great, and my wife recently suggested we get matching tattoos as a renewal of our love. Is there advice anyone can offer on why my wife might be acting like this and what I should do?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

LurkingLikeASavage −  No kids until you find out what the hell is going on.

Auselessbus −  Sounds like a mental breakdown.. Go see a doctor or a therapist.

WhimsicalReader −  You need to sit down with her seriously and make sure she’s okay. This does sound like she could be having a break down and needs some help.

Cat_Jerry −  If she got upset when friends talked about her table decorations it sounds like OP’s wife genuinely believes they are not married. As per other comments, meds or other health issues can cause this. Go to a doctor.

I know 2 people who acted weird and did really crazy and dangerous things totally out of character (one of them involved a tractor) because their meds had messed up their calcium levels. Go to a doctor.

Rysexi −  Have you ever asked her directly about the issue? Just ask “why do you keep calling yourself my Gf instead of my wife?” See what happens and keep us updated

EccentricEmu −  I think your wife might need a doctor or some therapy. What you’ve written sounds like she is having a disconnect from reality. Get professional help

fightmaxmaster −  Later that evening, I asked her directly if she has a problem with our relationship or if I’m doing something wrong in our marriage. She assured me that everything is fine between us.

Wrong question. “We’re married, you know we’re married, we had a wedding, here are the photographs, here’s the marriage certificate. Why are you feigning ignorance? Why are you telling me to get a girlfriend card rather than a wife card?

Why are you ‘correcting’ me when I call you my wife? It’s not funny, it’s strange, I think it’s strange, our friends think it’s strange. Please stop, it upsets me. You’re not my girlfriend, you’re my wife, I’m your husband, we’re a married couple.

Do you agree? If so, please stop saying otherwise. If not, we need to go to a couples counsellor or you need to see a therapist, because you’re denying reality.”

Wander_Pig −  This sounds like a serious mental health crisis. I would schedule an appointment with a trusted physician to first rule out any physical injury or issue that could be causing this somewhat sudden onset of denial, and request scans of her head to rule out anything serious.

If she’s otherwise physically “healthy” then it’s time to see a psychologist. Either way: I suggest you be gentle with her at the moment. I would avoid confronting her about this topic. The fact that she said, “what wedding?”

and had teared up, leads me to believe there is something very serious happening to her -whether it’s physical or mental – and in either case you are definitely not equipped to handle it.

And if she is on the brink of some kind of emotional collapse? You don’t want to be the one who pushes her over the edge by demanding answers or forcing her to look at photos of a wedding that she can’t remember.

As someone who has personally experienced some very serious mental health problems that included a sudden loss of short term memory, I cannot tell you just how SCARY it is to feel betrayed by your own mind like that. Get her some help immediately. Good luck, OP.

SleepyEdgelord −  4 options I see: – She feels old. 33 is still quite young but she might be self concious about her appearance. Society pushes high standards of youthfulness on women. The fact that she’s the older party in a heterosexual relationship might make her more insecure. People have their own associations with words.

Perhaps she associates “wife” with a frumpy old lady in an apron and “girlfriend” with a cool, pretty college girl partying and living her best life. – She has someone on the side and she’s trying to distance herself from your relationship. Unlikely, as you say your relationship is good.

– She has some mental problems. She might be losing memory, dissociating etc. – She might be anxious about the future of the relationship. Even if your relationship is good, maybe there’s a problem with the amount/type of affection?

Just because it seems stable and s** is good, doesn’t mean it couldn’t be better – maybe you speak a different love language? Or maybe, if that’s not her first relationship, she has suffered heartbreak in the past and is now insecure? I think you should seek therapy – both couples’ therapy and personal therapy for her.

LessRemoved −  Okay, first off let me say how sorry I am to hear you’re going through this. Over a year and a half ago I took it s step further by dropping the bomb on my family with divorce. My wife and I at the time we’re married for 10 years.

For me this feeling came out of nowhere, I love my wife dearly and wouldn’t be able to live without her. After she let me run with it for a month or 3 in which I even moved out the house and moved in with my dad (Also something I said I’d never do) she finally got me to move back in and agree to testing at the neurology department.

This lead to a complete run down of everything in my head. And I’m afraid to say that it was the cause. I have been diagnosed with FTD (Frontal temporal dementia). This changed me in ways that my family and friend and even myself couldn’t and still can’t fathom.

I’m not saying your wife has the same but it really all sounds horribly familiar. Have you ever explored medical options, even if just for yourself regarding your wife’s behaviour? If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask 😊

What do you think could be behind the wife’s behavior? Is this a sign of deeper issues in the marriage, or could there be other reasons for her actions? Share your thoughts below!