My sister said that she feels like she ruined my life

One Reddit user shares a heartfelt moment with their 15-year-old sister, who is struggling with feelings of guilt. She believes that her presence has ruined her sibling’s life, especially after her ex left due to the constant closeness between the two sisters. The older sibling reassures her, but it’s clear that the young girl remains uncertain about her worth. Read the story below to see how this complicated family dynamic unfolds.

‘ My sister said that she feels like she ruined my life’

About an hour ago, my 15-year-old sister came into my room in tears, telling me that she feels like she’s ruined my life. She believes that if it weren’t for her, I’d still be with my ex (he left because of her) and that she’s made my life harder.

For some context, her previous home wasn’t a healthy environment for her to grow up in, so she’s been living with me, her 22-year-old sister. My ex had issues with how close we are—he hated how she was always by my side. That played a role in why we broke up.

I told her that she makes my life better and that I don’t regret a single thing about taking care of her. But I can tell she doesn’t fully believe me, and it breaks my heart. What should I do to help her see how much she means to me? How do I make her understand that she’s not a burden and that I’m happy to have her in my life? Any advice would be deeply appreciated.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

[Reddit User] −  Tell her something specific about how she makes your life better, something she may not have thought of. Something *extremely* specific and common, so that every time she does it she can smile and be reminded of how happy it makes you. Specificity makes compliments and praise stick.

bloke2790 −  If it were 15 year old me, and I had an epiphany of compassion and felt compelled to do what she did, I don’t think words would be the first thing I would want to convince me otherwise.

I have a 2, almost 3 year old daughter. She is the spitting image of me, and is a complete daddy’s girls. Where I step, she leaps to. What I say, she imitates. She is still 2, however, and she challenges me on a daily. She will throw her fits, tell me no, and push me to see if the old man can be moved.

When she does, I discipline like a loving father should. She acts likes it makes her mad, but really it hurts her feelings. Do you know what she does immediately afterwards? She runs to me, arms open begging for me to hold her. She knows she did wrong, is feeling ashamed of it, and wants to know that I still love her.. Your sister.

She feels guilt. She feels ashamed possibly. She loves you, and knows that your life would be easier if the situation was a little different. But right now, she has her arms up, running to you. She wants to know that you still love her, and maybe words aren’t the best right now.

Go to her room, crawl into bed next to her, wrap your arms around her and show her how much you love her being there. It won’t take a single word for her to quickly understand where you are coming from. Never underestimate the power of the human touch.. Good luck OP.

KangaLilz −  I remember this with my little sister, except that I was an a**hole who nearly ruined her life. For the record, we are three years apart – I was 18 and she was 15. She was in the most awkward and socially demeaning time in her life. She spiked her hair, got weird piercings, hung out with creepy people; and there I was….sitting back and LOUDLY scalding and judging her with my older brother (there’s three of us siblings and that was really how all of our relationships worked, just poke fun and troll each other).

At the time, I was with my first boyfriend; we had been together 3 years by the time I was 18. He’d witnessed our sibling rivalry and bullying of each other since day one. After a particularly intense dinner with my family, I was driving him home and he was just sitting in absolute silence. Not a peep and barely a mumble when I asked him if he was okay. I couldn’t figure out why, and I assumed he just wanted to go home, as my family can be overwhelming.

I finally asked him what was going on, and he gave me a verbal lashing I will never forget. He said I needed to treat my sister better, this was a weird time in her life and I needed to be there for her, not make her feel more alienated. He said he was tired of seeing me and my brother gang up on her and that I was better then that.

I argued and tried to justify “that’s just how our family is” and he was NOT having it. He told me he loved me and he loved having a little sister because he’s the youngest in his family and he always wanted a little sibling. He told me he wanted me to stop bullying HIS SISTER because she just needed guidance and understanding to get through this time in her life.

That man saw what she was going through and had the conviction to call me out on my b**lshit to protect MY SISTER FROM ME….like what? Looking back at it, it’s amazing and he is a f**king gem for having the ability to recognize and verbally act on what needed to be done.

My sister and I are now closer than ever; as a matter of fact, we were college roommates for a couples years and still have hour long conversations multiple times a week. My boyfriend and I are also closer than ever, 15 years and counting 🙂

I just wanted to tell you this story for two reasons; your sister is 15; the MOST awkward year of your life! Hitting puberty, learning to drive, getting your first boyfriend, doing stupid high school things….she needs love and guidance and the fact that she has a big sister to help her is amazing.

Be the sister I wasn’t; talk with her, instill confidence, encourage her thoughts and dreams. Find the boyfriend who would treat her with the dignity and respect your kin deserves….let her know how she helps you be a better person for helping you get rid of that trash dude who doesn’t belong. Things will turn out alright, just support each other and you both will always have a lifelong best friend 🙂

Hon-Knee −  Sit down and talk about it from your perspective. If you feel like your life is better make sure you tell her. And tell her why. Also you are a wonderful person to take care of your sister like that at such a young age. She is lucky to have you.

NatureCarolynGate −  Tell her, you are so emotionally concerned about her feelings, and love her so much, you made a post in Reddit, asking strangers how can you make your sister feel better, and how your sister makes your life so much better. Now show your sister this post.

anonsocially −  You and your sister are each other’s guardians for life. It sounds like you are each other’s highest priority no matter what. That’s precious, there are not many relationships in life that will endure or be like that. Make sure you hold onto each other.

You’re in each other’s life for a reason and for the better. She probably thinks she’s a burden on you, but you both seem to draw strength from each other. She’s also probably feeling helpless, help her understand how she is of help and can be of help.

[Reddit User] −  I was that younger sister at one point. However I don’t think I ever mentioned ruining a siblings life. Unfortunately I don’t have much advice on that, sorry. However I was coming home from a college trip and my eldest brother was picking me up at the airport.

This was before I had a mobile phone though and our flight ended up being delaying for hours (can’t remember why). My brother waited at our airport the entire time for me and as we were getting into the taxi to head back, I told him I was sorry for making him wait for so long. He hugged me and told me something that has always stuck with me “I’d wait forever for you sis”. Now that I’m older, I appreciate my brothers more and know that both of them always have my back and that I can call on them if there’s an emergency.

Spectrum2081 −  If she’s ever had a pet, ask her if it’s more work. Then ask her if it’s all worth it. Truth is, yes, your life is harder but the love makes up for it. And just like she wouldn’t have given up fluffy for all the mornings sleeping in or not going out when it’s cold, you love her and wouldn’t give her up for all the s**tty boyfriends in the world.

Space_cadet1956 −  If your ex left because of your sister, that was likely just an excuse. He’d have left for a different reason if she wasn’t there. Or you’d have left him.

shigui18 −  You’re a good sister.

Do you think the user’s response was helpful in calming her sister’s worries, or was there more that could have been done to reassure her? How would you handle a situation like this, where a loved one feels responsible for your life’s struggles? Share your thoughts below and let’s discuss what could help both of them through this tough moment.