My MIL (65f) asking for my (34F) wedding ring back twice “you haven’t had kids”

A woman (34F) has been married to her husband (40M) for nine years, but his family — especially her mother-in-law (65F) — has been a nightmare. The MIL has repeatedly asked for her heirloom wedding ring back, claiming it should go to a future grandchild because the couple hasn’t had kids.

The MIL’s toxic behavior includes enabling her other son’s affair and financial fraud. After the second request for the ring, the woman feels emotionally drained and is considering cutting ties with her in-laws to protect her peace. Read the full story below.

‘ My MIL (65f) asking for my (34F) wedding ring back twice “you haven’t had kids”‘

My husband (40m) and I (34f) have been married for 9 years. His family has been absolutely horrible for about 7 of those. Everyone is local to our area. Readers digest: MIL (65f) used to be a real estate agent/RE firm manager. She helped my BIL and his affair (while his wife was pregnant with twins) secretly purchase a home, while lying to his wife.

BIL then two-timed wife and mistress for 3 years, my MIL enabled and lied in wild ways to help him keep it secret (truly). 6 years ago, MIL was discovered to have committed wire fraud, escrow fraud, and possible embezzlement of $300,000+ from her real estate firm.

IRS investigated and could not find evidence enough to charge her criminally for embezzlement, but MIL did lose her RE license permanently (her mom paid off the other crimes/settled outside of court).

MIL has since been on the verge of a 3rd bankruptcy while trying to sell life insurance to pay her bills. My FIL (70m) is in terrible health. MIL has told me “you caused BIL to cheat – when you and husband got married, BIL lost his entire support and best friend”. We sat down and had a conversation with MIL and FIL about this and other issues. It was received but not really improved after.

Husband and I did marriage counseling 4 years ago to figure out how to save ourselves from this insanity. Decided to see them 2x a year, basically Easter and Christmas/Thxgiving at most. He’s in therapy weekly now and recognizes the toxicity.

3 years ago on Christmas, we had MIL, FIL over for Christmas. MIL waited for my husband to leave the room, and asked for my heirloom wedding ring back. Husband overheard, came back in, and MIL stated it was because she “wanted it to stay in the family with a grandchild, and we hadn’t had kids.” We said absolutely not, that was my ring.

This year on Christmas, she asked for it AGAIN. Once again, claiming she wants to give it to our neice (3yo, product of the BIL affair) as we haven’t had kids. My husband got angry and shut it down. (We should have just walked out.) MIL stated she wants it to stay in the family, my husband said “we are family.” I’m so over it.

A pregnancy would be very high-risk for me, so this repeated issue is triggering, hurtful, frustrating. We’ve thought about fostering/adopting. My in-laws would not see that child as a ‘true grandchild’ (their issue).

When is enough enough? I’m tired of going to even 1 event per year and feeling emotionally abused at the end of it. I’m ready to go no-contact. I don’t want to put my husband in a situation where he has to choose because I did. Our marriage is wonderful, but his family is just too much. We have amazing friends and ‘chosen family’.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

MobilePop2498 −  Go NC. Easy. If he wants to continue going to one event a year, so be it. But enough is enough for you. Cut them off and enjoy the peace.

naughtyzoot −  MIL has told me “you caused BIL to cheat – when you and husband got married, What kind of mystical wedding was this where you gained control of your BIL’s penis? I’m sorry your husband’s family is trashy. I agree with the people who say go NC with her.

FinanciallySecure9 −  I rarely see my inlaws, and I don’t stop my husband from seeing them. I don’t make him choose. I simply have said that I’m not going, but have a great time. Holidays are no issue because I see my husband every day. If he isn’t here on the obligatory date, then so be it. He recognizes the toxicity, and stays just present enough.. You can do the same.

TheFinalShellShock −  She’s definitely gonna pawn it

madgirlv6 −  Bet she wants it for its value. Get it valued and tell her it’s only worth a few pounds as the stone is cracked or something. Bet she stops asking for it

Decent-Position9354 −  Tell her you will leave it to her in your will.

Deb_elf −  None of this is your fault. Just so we’re clear. Your husband is welcome to have a relationship with them. You don’t have to. I *strongly* suggest you go on Etsy or somewhere and get costume jewelry copies of your rings. If she asked a second time, it means she wants them. Most likely to sell them.

She won’t ask a third time, she will steal them. Get a safe deposit box at the bank for scheduled visits. Get a safe that can be bolted to the floor for your house for unscheduled visits.

When she drops by, excuse yourself, go to the safe, swap your rings for the costume jewelry and honestly, I would entrap her. Leave them on the sink when you’re washing the dishes and see if they disappear. Don’t say anything. Wait for her to ask what happened to the “real” ones.

old_mates_slave −  When is enough enough? . Enough is enough now. You can and should go no contact with them and let your Husband decide on his level of contact. That’s his business.

If it was me, i’d move to a different town or city, far enough away that they won’t visit but close enough for your husband to get a flight or whatever to visit should he choose. Run for the hills my dear, you don’t belong in crazy town. Your sanity and self esteem are more important than these people. Protect it.

kimchipowerup −  Did MIL give you the ring and ask you to marry her? No? Then it’s never going to be her ring.

WildlyUninteresting −  Why are you letting her bother you? You should be expecting crazy like at a mental asylum and not take her seriously. Unstable people do unstable things. Don’t get sucked in.. Especially if it’s twice a year. Just handle her like any other crazy person.

When is it time to cut ties with toxic in-laws, even if it means limited contact with your partner’s family? Should family heirlooms be conditional on having children? Share your thoughts below!