My girlfriend (26 F) and I (28 M) have different views on gender roles in finances. Advice please?

A Reddit user shared a challenging conversation with their girlfriend about financial roles in their relationship. While he envisions a partnership where incomes are combined and expenses are shared equally, she believes that men should primarily provide and that her personal funds should reflect an elevated lifestyle.

With plans to move in together and potentially marry, he’s seeking advice on how to bridge their differing views on finances. Read the full story below to weigh in.

‘ My girlfriend (26 F) and I (28 M) have different views on gender roles in finances. Advice please?’

My girlfriend (26 F) and I (28 M) have been together a little over 8 months and are planning on moving in together soon. Recently we had a conversation about what finances could look like if we go married eventually and the result seems pretty mismatched.

She believes that men should always provide and should feel honored to sacrifice so the woman they are with can have an elevated lifestyle. Specifically she said that by virtue of being a woman she deserves more of the monthly income as personal use funds to maintain an elevated lifestyle and would want my income to cover the majority of our expenses.

When it comes to the numbers this means to her to have a more 60-40 or 70-30 split on expenses. I believe in more of a partnership perspective where we combine our incomes in a joint account and budget from there. Rather than I pay for this or she pays for that my ideal is we pay for this with our combined income.

I would want to combine our resources to build a life together rather than having these separate lifestyles and constantly having to have conversations about who is paying for what. Any assistance on bridging this gap?

Check out how the community responded:

SheiB123 −  You are NOT compatible. DO NOT move in together. Split all joint expenses in ratio to your salary, including any commission or other funds part of annual compensation. If she is not willing to discuss this AND you are unwilling/fearful of having this discussion, you are not ready to live together.

lecorbeauamelasse −  Any assistance on bridging this gap? Find a girlfriend who doesn’t think she’s a Disney princess.

Careless-Bread-8393 −  That is one of the primary dealbreakers in relationships – meaning, unless there is alignment, it will typically end in a breakup or divorce. The others are abuse, wanting/not wanting children, roles, values/beliefs, communication styles, etc.

Honestly, getting this kind of talk out earlier in the relationship as a screener is the best way. I don’t think it’s out of line to discuss debt, credit scores, and expectations – just like if you want kids, you shouldn’t date someone who doesn’t (and you should find that out before you start).. (Edit does to doesn’t)

Oohkbutnotokay −  When someone tells you who they are listen. Your money is ours, her money is hers. The reward for this? The glory of sacrifice and drudgery so she can avoid adult responsibilities. What a deal!

UnusualPotato1515 −  men should feel honored to sacrifice so the woman they are with can have an elevated lifestyle. You didnt mention that your gf was a joker! She doesnt want a partnership, but a sugar daddy.

Why should you work and pay for everything whilst she has an elevated lifestyle? How is that fair? Also, what the hell is an elevated lifestyle? Seems like she watches too much immature tiktok nonsense & I say this as a married woman!

Winter-Travel5749 −  A woman who believes this doesn’t just wish this would be the case – she actually believes this should be the case and you won’t change her mindset.

If you don’t comply she’ll always secretly resent you and wish she had a more traditional relationship with a man who values her traditional views. And, if that’s what she wants you should set her free to find that with someone who shares her views and you should hold out for the person who shares and values yours.

Chronoblivion −  The short answer is this relationship is probably over. You want a partner, she wants a pocketbook. She has told you point blank that she intends to use you.

If you insist on trying to salvage this, you need to find out what she thinks she brings to the table. Since she’s insisted on making this transactional, what are you buying with your hard earned cash? Does she think that it’s her obligation as the woman to do 70-80% of the household labor?

I still think that’s an unhealthy and outdated basis for a relationship, but at least there’s some attempt at reciprocity if that’s the case. If she instead comes back with “why do I have to owe you anything? You should just do it because you’re the man in the relationship” then there really is no coming back from that.

druscarlet −  Money is the reason most relationships fail. Your gf is very immature and wildly off base in her thinking. This is the tip of the iceberg. Run, don’t walk to the exit. You and this ‘princess’ are not meant to be. Thank goodness you had this discussion. Do not delay.

holybasil3 −  I am only seeing one sides answers. I hope to provide some insight as to WHY she may be saying this. Many women are taking this stance for a few reasons.

1. Women take on more risk in a relationship, especially in regards to children. Her body and health are at risk during pregnancy and in the first years. She may also have to sacrifice years of work to raise children, which hinders her finances in the long run.

2. Women usually take on more “labor” in a relationship, such as cooking, cleaning, and invisible & emotional labor (think things like planning doctos apts & buying gifts for family etc)

3. Women spend a lot of money on upkeep. Many women have expenses for hair, skincare, makeup, nails , and clothes. It costs a lot for a woman to “look good” for her man. Hopefully you can address some talking points with her, and try to understand her reasoning a little better.

Dingo-thatate-urbaby −  lol your girlfriend needs to time travel back to the 1950s. Bad news is that she won’t be able to leave or have any kind of bank account

Should financial roles in a relationship align with traditional gender roles, or is a partnership approach the way forward? How would you handle a significant difference in financial values with your partner? Share your advice and insights below!