My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed.

A man shared the journey of proposing to his girlfriend of three years, only to have her reject the proposal due to its location. Though deeply hurt, he took the advice of commenters and offered her the opportunity to propose instead. Months later, she did, and he accepted. Read the full story below to see how this unconventional resolution unfolded.

‘ My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed.’

I decided to propose to my gf of three years on our third anniversary. I flew her to Vietnam and after a couple of weeks travelling we ended up in Cambodia. She had wanted to see Angkor wat and some other temples that were on her bucket list.

After a long day of hiking in the heat through ruins we retired back to our hotel and when we were alone together I proposed and she said yes. We kissed and I had planned to take her to the waterfall the next day to celebrate. It’s really beautiful.

She took a shower and I laid in bed thinking what an amazing day I just had and how I would get to spend the rest of my life with the women I loved. When she came out of the shower however she was in tears. She handed me back the ring saying she couldn’t accept it because she didn’t want her memory of my proposal to be in a hotel room.

I played it cool and said I understood but truthfully it hurt. It seems to me that I had offered her something of value. A lifelong commitment and partner. I took her halfway around the world and helped her cross off something she had wanted to do most of her adult life.

I felt that if she valued me it wouldn’t matter that the proposal wasn’t exactly what she wanted. It was me and our future together she was saying yes to and not my delivery. If she had found a million dollars in a dumpster she wouldn’t throw it back because of where it came from. So she can’t possibly value me or what I have to offer as an individual if she’s willing to reject it because she didn’t like the place I asked.

I’m preparing to end things when we get back. She wants me to propose again and better and then she’ll say yes, but I’m done. Am I wrong? Should I do it over? What do you think.. Any advice is appreciated.. –Update to the story.

Hi and thanks for all the comments and help. I ended up following the advice of one of the commenters. The conversation with my girlfriend went something like this:

Me: No that was my proposal. You rejected it. It’s never going to happen again.

GF: So we aren’t getting married? You aren’t going to propose… ever?

Me: No never. I’m glad you were the one I proposed to and I’m happy that I found the courage to take that step and make such a huge commitment. But no. It was a one time thing. If you want to marry me, you’ll have to propose.

I decided to see how things went and planned to give her till my birthday (July) to make her proposal or I would end it and move on. She did while we were hiking a trail back home. I accepted.

That’s it for now. Am I making a huge mistake? Maybe. I’ll get a prenup of course and protect my assets. If it ends it won’t cost me more than a few hundred. Hopefully, I get many happy years from this. If not, I’ll update the post.

Also, thanks for all the comments and support. Weird how much that meant. I also genuinely appreciated the people that objected to me ending things. It’s the internet so I expect to hear nothing but “D**p her”. Getting another more reasonable side to things was helpful.. Regards,. ZenMonkey

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

weareredjenny −  I shared this story with my fiancé and he had some smart input on this: “I wouldn’t say it’s a dealbreaker, but I would tell her that’s my proposal. If she wants to get married, then it’s on her. She can propose at any time, but I wouldn’t do it again.” We’re both sorry you’re in this situation now. It shows shallowness on her part. Hopefully she is mature enough to see the error of her judgment. Good luck!

[Reddit User] −  I ran over a possum the night I proposed blood all over the car. It was a long night everywhere I went to propose just wasn’t working out. Super nice restaurant packed couldn’t hear each other talk. Mountain side overlooking the river. No moon super dark and started to rain.

On the way home like I said ran over possum blood all over the passenger side of the car. Went into our apt for on one knee and proposed. She sad yes without hesitating. The possum blood everywhere is her fav part of the story. Doesn’t matter the place or time. If she loves you the answer is yes. Maybe she wants a dinner to tell her family when you get back that would be acceptable. Returning the ring to you is a bad sign.

Edit: Thank you for my first silver.

Edit:Thank for the gold. I’m new wasn’t expecting to ever get gold.

Edit: Holy s**t platinum damn thank you. Telling my wife everyone loved our story made her day. She can’t stop smiling. Thank you everyone for the love.

[Reddit User] −  So my husband did something similar. He proposed in our hotel room on Valentine’s Day in Mexico while I was changing into my bathing suit. Sure I wish it was more romantic back then but now who cares. His intent was more important I know now. I would have never made his redo it.

ladyughsalot −  Okay. So at first glance this seems really entitled. Is this the first hint of this sort of behavior? Any weirdness over gifts etc in the past? If this is a 1-off I’ll be frank: She’s highly emotional period. She’s excited. Happy. And then it dawns on her that you planned this amazing trip, you’ve been to temples and you plan to go to an amazing waterfall…..

but for the proposal itself, you did it in quite a “neutral” or “less special” place. She wonders why. And she worries it’s a lack of consideration; a proposal happens once, it doesn’t have to be perfect but you *did* have very, very ideal opportunities! Maybe you wanted it to be really intimate and this is why you chose the room. This is something to tell her.

She’s behaving like a spoiled child and she’s going to regret it. If this is a one-off I would put it down to high emotions, exhaustion, and confusion. My husband proposed in our messy bedroom on Christmas Day more than a decade ago. I remember feeling like such a POS because I was SO HAPPY and also SO CONFUSED because he knew I had dreamed of being proposed to under a Christmas tree, which was 11’ away. But i got over those feelings.

I understood that as a woman I was raised to expect fairytale perfection. And I realized we had come so close it was perfect. But it did take some processing. Her behavior isn’t acceptable. But it doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker unless you have signs that this is actually a personality flaw.

GodlessHippie −  I’m going to skip the proposal part and just say what stuck out to me. You’re considering ending it over this, when a week ago you were planning on spending your life with her. If one fight and one s**tty behavior on her end takes you from “forever” to “over,” it’s not a good and healthy relationship and you aren’t happy. *edit-thanks for the gold and silver! I feel weird editing a comment but don’t want to seem ungrateful!

aradthrowawayacct −  She wants me to propose again and better and then she’ll say yes, but I’m done. You’re not wrong and it’s okay if you’re done. You don’t have to propose “again and better” after all the planning you went through to make this proposal special and meaningful. I’m preparing to end things when we get back. This is probably the best thing to do.

Kraye5 −  Personally, I don’t think it should matter how a proposal goes. That being said, talk to her. Tell her how your request to do a better proposal made you feel. She may be horrified that she made you feel this way. This is someone you wanted to marry. Give her the benefit of the doubt. How she reacts may give you the answer that you need.

darkerdays1 −  S**t I wish that was my proposal story. Know how my husband popped the question? I picked him up from his 3 months at sea (navy), he got a hard on as soon as he got in the car, put my hand on his crotch and said, let’s get married.. Yea, every girls dream proposal

darthbogu −  I tried to be romantic and filled the living room of our townhouse with candles while she was away for the weekend with her sister(pre planned). I lit them when I knew she would be home soon, I had champagne etc. But………. the candles were tea lites that had been recalled due to the wax having the ability to catch fire without the wick.

She walked in to me in full panic mode putting out not only candles, but also our living room carpet and coffee table. It was a disaster. She said yes, and we still laugh about it.

GaiasDotter −  I mean, yeah it’s a bit much maybe, but I can understand if she’s disappointed you didn’t choose any of the mentioned awesome locations you visited/was about to visit. People can have weird emotional hang ups. It might seem like a tiny thing to you but it could be a huge thing for someone else.

Emotions are what they are, you can’t choose how to feel about something. I get that it doesn’t feel good for you, and that’s completely okay! But don’t you want an honest relationship? Do her the same favor she did you and be honest about how you feel, talk it out!

It seems like an overreaction to end a three year relationship with someone you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, without even talking about it? I’m worried that you are going to do something you might regret.

I think you are reading to much into the r**ection. Don’t you think it’s a bit unfair to decide her motivation on your own without even asking her about it? It’s an easy thing to do, it’s human nature, but don’t forget that this is you interpretation of her r**ection and as such not necessarily the truth or even close to it.

And going from proposing to this decision, while pretending that everything is fine, so that the breakup will completely blind side her.. are you sure that’s how you want to do this? Think this through carefully so you don’t do something you regret. If you want to break up, you should, but talk to her, explain how you felt, don’t just pretend that everything is fine until you get home so you can d**p her then. Honestly, that’s a pretty s**tty thing to do.

When it comes to her motivation for the r**ection, I have some things you might want to consider. if she valued me it wouldn’t matter that the proposal wasn’t exactly what she wanted. Well, it matters to her, even if it doesn’t matter to you, it matters a lot to some people.

She specifically said so, that how it was done was really important to her, which is why she had this strong negative reaction (disappointment and crying). A lot of women dream about their perfect proposal and imagine it. Which makes them emotionally invested in it, the proposal as such, can be incredibly important, not all that connected to the person doing said proposal.

If you understand what I mean? They dream about how, not who, because how is easier to imagine than an unknown who. And that’s how the *how* of it becomes so important. It was me and our future together she was saying yes to and not my delivery.. Yes, exactly OP!

She instantly said yes to **you** and your future together, she later rejected the *delivery*. Let’s just be clear about that, she said yes to **you** she rejected **the delivery**. She was very clear about that.

She can’t possibly value me or what I have to offer as an individual if she’s willing to reject it because she didn’t like the place I asked. If she didn’t value you or what you have to offer as an individual she would probably have rejected you instantly when you ask.

It does very much sound like she does value you specifically, considering how her first automatic response were to say yes. I understand where you are coming from, but I also understand where she is coming from. I understand that you were hurt, you have every right to be, and I even understand if this is a dealbreaker for you.

Though I personally think that’s an overreaction and a mistake, if this is the *only* thing that makes you thinking of ending it. I do think you should talk about this, communication is key. Relationships take a bit of work to flourish, the fairytales are wrong, everything won’t be perfect without any kind of effort from the people involved.

Humans are complicated beings, with very complicated emotions, sometimes emotions can be very weird and illogical and even considered unreasonable. But no one can chose their emotions, just how we deal with them and react to them.

I doubt that your girlfriend had any of the thought you constructed to explain her behavior, it is more likely that she has fantasized about her dream proposal, become heavily emotionally invested in *the proposal* (of her dreams) and couldn’t/wasn’t prepared to handle her emotions (disappointment) when reality differed from her expectations of *the proposal*.

I don’t quite get putting so much importance on the execution of it, but I totally get being o**rwhelmed by your emotions and not reacting “right” and not thinking straight. I would guess that she’s super thrilled and happy about the proposal and also super thrilled and excited about saying yes to the perfect dream proposal she’s been fantasizing about.

A memory she can cherish for the rest of her life. She might not even have considered/realized that rejecting it in order to get her dream proposal, could have hurt your feelings. It’s actually quite likely IMHO. Try to see it from her point of view. But in the end it’s your life and your decision, do what feels right for you OP. You know your situation the best. Whatever you choose, I hope it works out for you, good luck.

What do you think about their unique resolution? Should a proposal’s location or context hold so much weight, or is it the intent that truly matters? Share your thoughts below!