My fiancé doesn’t know I know he cheated and doesn’t want to admit?

A Reddit user grapples with heartbreak and uncertainty after discovering her fiancé’s infidelity during a drunken night out. Despite his apparent remorse in private messages, he denies any wrongdoing when confronted, leaving her feeling betrayed and unsure about their upcoming wedding.

Adding to the complexity is her dependence on their shared living situation in a foreign country, making separation difficult. Read her full story below for insight into her predicament.

‘ My fiancé doesn’t know I know he cheated and doesn’t want to admit?’

I (33f) have been having hard time with my fiancé (40m) bc of his social drinking. We have been together 6 years. 1.5 years ago we had a serious discussion abt the drinking and that I have my boundaries on this and can’t accept him to come home in that condition anymore.

He agreed and we talked that if he will do this again, we will need to break up as the disputes after his drinking are too hurtful for me and as I want a kid at some point but with safe parents. Well, 2 weeks ago it happened again. He came home 6am super drunk and we fought.

Now, I went through his phone and realized he was having a girl sitting on his lap and kissing him at a club that weekend. From the messages I found that he was having a scare on what else happened.

In the messages he was explaining to his friend that his other friend confirmed ”they hadn’t disappeared anywhere” with the girl and nothing else happened other than kissing and sitting on a lap but that should he be still afraid something more had happened? He seemed remoreseful.

We had a serious conversation about our relationship today and I confirmed we have the same view on what constitues cheating. We talked about importance of honesty and openness. Then I asked him whether there was anything he’d like to tell me,

and he said he would not do anything like that to me ever and he didn’t have anything to tell, ”why are you asking? What should I tell?” And even asking multiple times, he didn’t open up abt this.

Hardest part is, I really love him. My situation is also difficult as we are currently living in a foreign country and I don’t know how to get my stuff out of here as my salary is not enpugh to live here alone if we want to separate. I wouldn’t want to. What should I do? We were supposed to get married next month.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

sweetpeppah −  You told him if he drinks like that again you will leave him. He did it anyway AND snuggled another woman.
It’s time to follow through on your threat. This isn’t a guy you can parent children with.

Marshall_Lawson −  What’s to discuss? Just call off the engagement and break up. How else would you see this moving forward? Get him to apologize and then you knowingly marry a c**ater? Come on.

Blyndde −  What do you hope to gain by keeping this a secret? He has shown you who he is and what his morals are, you get to decide if that’s what kind of relationship you want.

No_Promise_2560 −  It isn’t court, you don’t need to prove anything or have him confess. Just break it off if you don’t want to marry a c**ater. Simple as. 

iSoReddit −  we had a serious discussion abt the drinking and that I have my boundaries on this and can’t accept him to come home in that condition anymore. That’s not how boundaries work, you’re supposed to break up with him, and you didn’t and now here you are

ToastemPopUp −  Why does the cheating even matter at this point, you already said if he came home drunk again you’d break up with him because that’s crossing a boundary. Was that just you trying to sound tough but now that it’s happened you don’t want to break up over it?

He crossed your boundary, you said you’d break up for it, so end it. we will need to break up as the disputes after his drinking are too hurtful for me. Drunk words are sober thoughts. Anyone who’s mean/hurtful to you when they’re drunk is a huge red flag, this is just another reason to end it.

Then, on top of everything else, he’s cheated on you. Also, I’m not sure why you needed the conversation about what _he_ considers cheating if what he did is cheating to you; you don’t need him to agree upon your boundary for cheating as long as he’s aware of it ahead of time, but I digress..

You keep setting boundaries, he keeps breaking them, and there are zero consequences. There’s no point in having boundaries if breaking them means nothing. You need to grow a spine, and some self respect, and end it with this guy.

theopiumpoet −  Is the boundary in the room with us?? 👀

46andready −  Why is it not clear that you should break up with this person? You have incompatible lifestyles and values, and he is actively lying to you.

InevitablePlantain66 −  Please don’t marry this man. He is still in denial about his addiction. People can get sober and stay sober but first they have to want it. It can take many years.

You’re young, but not that young if you want to have children. You need to move on from this man. I know it’s hard because you love him, but love yourself more. I speak as a former addict.

Similar_Corner8081 −  You break up and move on. You know he cheated and has no plan on telling you. The disrespect he’s shown you should be enough to end the relationship.

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and rebuilding it after betrayal can be a long and challenging process. Should this relationship move forward, or is it time to walk away? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments!