My (F35) husband (M38) is in the bathroom all the time and it’s affecting our relationship?

A Reddit user shared frustration about her husband’s excessive bathroom habits, which are affecting their relationship. Despite their shared living space and one bathroom, he spends hours in the bathroom daily, often ignoring her calls for help and leaving her to handle everything alone.

This has been especially challenging since the birth of their baby, with the user feeling overwhelmed and unheard. To find out more about how others have responded and what advice they have to offer, read the full post below…

‘ My (F35) husband (M38) is in the bathroom all the time and it’s affecting our relationship?’

Throwaway because I have friends on reddit. The title basically sums it up pretty well, my husband is always in the freaking bathroom, for HOURS sometimes. He says it’s not because he’s scrolling on his phone but I have trouble believing him. I asked him to go without and he refuses.

He says his bowels move really slowly 🙄 when he’s in there, he’s in his own world. Once I fell and broke my wrist and I called for him for almost 40 minutes to come help me to no avail. We’ve recently had a baby, he starts crying ALWAYS whenever he goes to the toilet. It always falls on me.

If I am breastfeeding and he’s in the bathroom when a delivery arrives I have to stop to open the door, he can’t because he’d “lose concentration when he’s in the zone”. His exact words. I know this feels ridiculous and fake but I swear it isn’t.

I have talked to him but he just doesn’t see it, says it’s his biological need and can’t do anything about it. I just can’t stand it anymore. Have I mentioned we only have ONE BATHROOM?? I’ve had to do my business on the sink more times than I’d like to admit. I get so mad I want to call it quits, I swear. What can I do to make him understand?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Voiceisaweapon −  if it’s actually taking that long and he’s spending the entire time working to poop, he needs a doctor and change in diet. if he’s not actually pooping the whole time then you need to have a “come to jesus” talk.

you BROKE your wrist and he wasn’t available. your child cries and he’s not available. he is abandoning you for a toilet and that’s unacceptable and he is being selfish

DiveCat −  I never thought I would seen to say this but if you are with someone who refuses to go to the doctor when it takes them HOURS everyday to take a s**t, and leaves you to p**s in a sink,

suffer with a broken bone for 40 minutes while they continued to s**t, and leaves you with a crying infant, you should be telling them to go find another place to live where they can have all the time they want to ruin their bowels.

Guy needs a medical exam, likely more fibre in his diet, better bowel habits (sitting on toilet for hours trying to force a s**t is awful for you), and a whole character replacement at this point. He is acting like an immature, irresponsible child.

My answer is the same if he is just hiding in there to watch porn or whatever because while he may not have a medical issue, he’s a l**r and remains a s**tty partner and father.

all_out_of_usernames −  Just an FYI…. spending long amounts of time sitting on the toilet is not good. Apparently, it can cause haemorrhoids later in life. Maybe let your husband know.

dudu_rocks −  Turn off the WiFi when he’s in there and check out how much he really isn’t on his phone.

newbeginingshey −  Does he work?? No way his employer allows this without it being documented as a medical accommodation – and given that he’s refused to see a doctor about it, he doesn’t have one. So he can control it. He just chooses not to around you.

I think he’s hiding a porn addiction or online affair. Would it not be easier to live alone? At least that way you’d know you’re on your own for baby care, but wouldn’t have to stress over WTF he’s doing, and you’d be able to pee in the bathroom you pay rent for.

And then he can either step up to parent the baby half the time or pay you for the full time parenting you’re already doing 🤷‍♀️

PinkPier −  Is his phone with him in the bathroom though? Sorry to say but it sounds more like he’s jacking off in there. Could it be a porn addiction? No one sits for HOURS waiting to take a d**p – if it doesn’t happen in 10 mins, most people get up and go. S**t or get off the pot, as the saying goes.

imtchogirl −  That man does not give one s**t about you. Ok, so, you don’t need to get every package when you’re breastfeeding. Get it when you’re done.
You are effectively completely on your own with that baby and without access to a bathroom. That’s really bad.

You’re in a really, really bad situation and you don’t seem to want to recognize that you’re being abandoned and cut off from a bathroom. On purpose. Look, I don’t know what to tell you, other than, he wants to be in his s**t palace more than he wants to be checked in to his own reality.

You need to be thinking, right now, where can I go that has a bathroom and the bare minimum of kindness for me and this baby. Go to there. And in the medium term, therapy for you because there’s clearly something very wrong with your acceptance of this issue.

After you were left alone with a broken wrist? After the first time you had to pee in the sink? These are waving red flags telling you to get out, and it’s a serious problem that you haven’t considered and self preservation here. Time to dig deep and figure it out.

If he wanted to, he would change. Many, many, many options including: squatty potty, more fiber in diet, cut out meat, take miralax daily, increase hydration, don’t bring phone to bathroom, talk about why he needs alone time and find another way to access that, see a psychiatrist, see a GI doctor.

But you can’t do any of that for him, because he doesn’t want to change. So just think about what your response is to knowing that he’d leave his breastfeeding wife and newborn child alone rather than stop this behavior that he is actively choosing.

cheddar_ruffles −  My husband was spending forever on the toilet. It got worse as the years went by. Turned out he had colorectal cancer and a mass was making it difficult to pass anything properly. If he insists it’s not his phone, then you insist he see a doctor. Might save his life.

isabelstclairs −  I mean, if it takes that long I suggest adding fibre to the diet and getting a squatty potty. Those will help him “move” it more easily. and ask for updates! make him uncomfortable with how invested you are in this.

How would you approach a situation where your partner’s habits are causing frustration and affecting your well-being? Should the user compromise, or is it time to set firmer boundaries? Share your thoughts and join the discussion!