My (F33) fiancé (M34) revealed to me that he has a child with another woman. How do I process this?
A 33-year-old woman, six months pregnant and engaged to her fiancé (34M), discovers he has a secret 1-year-old daughter with another woman. He concealed this throughout their relationship, pretending to be at the gym or on business trips when visiting his child.
The revelation has left her feeling betrayed, overwhelmed, and unsure of how to process the situation. Compounding the issue, he now wants to integrate his daughter into their lives immediately, further disrupting her vision of their family dynamic.
‘ My (F33) fiancé (M34) revealed to me that he has a child with another woman. How do I process this?’
I have been with my fiancé for a year and 3 months, I am 6 months pregnant. I know, we moved very fast with our engagement and getting pregnant. I know it was not a very rational decision, somehow it seemed right at the time.
We have had some fights, but in general things seemed good and we have been very excited about meeting our baby soon. Yesterday my fiancé sat me down and told me we needed to talk about something.
He told me he was very sorry he did not tell me sooner, that he was afraid I might leave and he was ashamed. He also told me that he understands that I might leave after what he tells me. He told me he has a child with his ex.
They were together years ago for 8 years, but met up several years later, had some casual s** and she got pregnant unexpectedly. They did not get together after that but she wanted to keep the baby. He started dating someone else, that did not work out and then he met me.
The child is 1 year and 3 months old, so she was born right around the time we had started dating. We had been dating for about 2 weeks. Back then, he told me he had to go on a week long business trip, but actually he was at the hospital and his daughter was born.
He has told me that he goes to the gym almost everyday (for around 3 hours) but in reality he has also used that time to see his daughter. The mother of his child does not know he is engaged with me and that I am pregnant. He tells me they just do not talk about these kinds of things.
She has also blocked me on Facebook, even though I have never tried to contact her. He told me she does not want to know anything about me and that she would probably want to be with him, but he does not have feelings for her.
I asked him how come she still has feelings for him, if he has been clear with her that he does not want a relationship and it has been 2 years since their “casual s**”. He told me “I don’t know, I guess I am just that great”. I am having a hard time processing all of this.
My fiancé said he feels better now after getting it off his chest. He says he understands I need time to think about this situation, but he also says he does not want to wait forever for me to decide whether I want to continue this relationship or not.
He wanted me to meet his daughter today but I said it was too soon for me. Now he has bought some diapers and other stuff for when she comes over. He asked me if I would be ready tomorrow.
We have not yet bought much for the nursery for our baby, but now he suddenly wants to hurry up and buy a bed for the nursery, so that his daughter could stay the night before our baby is born.
I feel o**rwhelmed trying to process all the information and also sad that the nursery I have been planning for our baby will not just be for our baby. This is not how I imagined having my first child. What are your thoughts on this? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How to process all of this and how to move forward?
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
jabagray123 − All red flags “I’m that great”??? bro get over yourself. I think you need to find a way to reach out to his ex to confirm his story. It’s all pretty convenient. That you CAN’T reach out to her and that he was already “broken up” when you guys met but she was still pregnant.
It’s also convenient that he got the courage to tell you this after you couldn’t get an a**rtion anymore. He sounds like he’s baby trapping you. I’m not sure so please please please reach out to the ex, there is def more to the story.. Edit: snarky addition
Tiny_Ad_6951 − Christ. This is why you don’t have a child with someone you barely know. He lied to you for ENTIRE relationship, now he knows you’re trapped in a pregnancy too late to abort (convenient timing on his end). No advice, do better for your kid.
DramaticImpression85 − So it was not just a lie of omission, he lied when the baby was born and then every time he went “to the gym”. He waited till you were 6 months pregnant then dropped this bombshell and is then is pushing for “visitation” without giving you the time and space to come to terms with all this.
He claims he was afraid you might leave. What he actually did in withholding the information until now was not to give you the opportunity to make the decision yourself. He took that from you and now the decision is to break up and be a single parent.
NorthernLitUp − He wants you to be a babysitter for his kid when he’s 100% still sleeping with his ex. Tell him his kid can come to your house AFTER you meet the mama in person. Watch how quickly he tries to squirm out of that. You need to find and talk to this woman. He’s lying to both of you.
kimmysharma − Why would the ex be okay with her daughter spending nights with you guys if she doesn’t want to know anything about you?
WildlifePolicyChick − Your ‘fiance’ is a terrible person. My advice is, don’t marry someone who DENIES THE EXISTENCE OF HIS CHILDREN. Your relationship, such as it is, is built on sand.
La_Baraka6431 − I don’t think she’s an EX. Also, he’s an **arrogant a**hole** who I also suspect **baby-trapped** you.. **D**P HIM**.
jamicam − Even if you let all this slide, there is no way your relationship will last long-term. He is not capable of being a good partner. He’s a l**r. He kept the truth from you so that you would not be able to make your own decision of whether you wanted to date someone who just had a baby with someone else.
He made that decision for you. Then he continued to lie for the duration of your relationship. And now he is pressuring you to quickly be okay with it all and have his daughter over like one big happy family. Do not marry him. So sorry you decided to have a child with someone so lacking in integrity and responsibility.
RVAMeg − Trust me, it’s not that he’s “that great”. He’s a l**r and a manipulator. He wants built in child care. I’d bolt.
Ok-Willow-9145 − Have you asked yourself why he told you all of this now? What’s changed? Why does he suddenly need to have his daughter come to your place after all this time? He told you about the child one day and 24 hours later you’re supposed to be hosting sleepovers.
He’s still lying to you. D**p him ASAP. Only a s**iopath could keep up lies this huge for months. PS the mother of his child may be his wife. That could be why he blocked you from viewing her Facebook. You might want to contact her some other way.
If you know her name see if she’s on linked in or another app. They might have finally broken up recently. That could be the truth that he’s been hiding.
This guy doesn’t care about you. He’s a serial impregnator. He gets women pregnant to maintain a connection to them. I’m sorry you are tied to him in that way.