My (f 20) mother (f 37) tells me if I don’t be her surrogate she’ll cut me out of her life forever.

A 20-year-old woman is facing an incredibly difficult situation with her mother, who has asked her to be a surrogate. Her mother and her new husband want a child, but due to her past risky pregnancies, her doctor advised against another one.

The woman has her own reasons for refusing, including her current life goals, the challenges of pregnancy, and the emotional complexities of carrying a baby that isn’t hers. When she declined, her mother threatened to cut her out of her life forever, leaving her feeling conflicted and unsure of how to handle the situation.

‘ My (f 20) mother (f 37) tells me if I don’t be her surrogate she’ll cut me out of her life forever.’

My mother and her new husband want to have a baby. She’s still young so she still is fertile however both of her past pregnancies were complicated and very dangerous. So her doctor told her to absolutely not get pregnant as it will just be even more risky now that she’s older.

She told me all of this this morning, and then she asked me to be her surrogate. She said all I have do is carry her egg and have it fert*l*zed by her husband. I told her I can’t do that. For one, I’m trying to get my nursing degree and I don’t want anything to slow me down.

And I already have a two year old with my boyfriend, and remembering what it was like to be pregnant there’s no way I want to go through it again so soon. I’m also worried because a lot of the bonding mothers do with their babies is while it’s still in the womb. I don’t want to feel attached maternally to a baby that won’t be mine.

I gave her my reasons and she just rolled her eyes and told me “it would be a small sacrifice for you to do this for me”. She told me all she wants is another baby and that I shouldn’t deprive her of it when I can help her so easily.

I tried to reason with her but she literally told me “if you don’t do this to me then I don’t want a relationship with you anymore”. I asked her if she was serious and she told me “yes” and left. I don’t know what to do. My mom is very stubborn and very vindictive so she probably means it at least for now. I’m not sure how I should handle this. I think she’s acting crazy.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Ebbie45 −  Sounds like she’d do you a favor if she cut you out forever. Being a surrogate is not a “small sacrifice” by any means. It’s unfortunate that her chances of a healthy pregnancy are slim to none, but trying to guilt trip you is just cruel. You have every right to put your foot down and keep it down. Go no contact if need be.

If this kind of behavior is a common occurrence for her, I’d suggest looking into support from some of the narcissistic abuse subreddits or the Raised by Narcissists sub.

hawkeeyeout −  It’s honestly despicable of her to try and emotionally manipulate you into doing this. Tell her there are plenty of willing women out there who would be happy to surrogate, and you’re not one of them. If she’s not willing to take that as an answer and wants to cut you out of her life I would say walk away and cut your losses.

AJ-in-Canada −  I wouldn’t want to help someone with your mother’s issues bring another child into the world. If she’s willing to cut one child out of her life because they won’t carry another child for her… I don’t think she really sounds like a fit mother for either. Does she have mental or emotional health issues?

Castingjoy −  Nope…no…..NOPE. This is so very m**ipulative and toxic of your mother. I am so sorry that she has given you an ultimatum like this. If she is really willing to cut her own daughter out of her life because of this, then it might be best to sever ties with her for now until she’s become more rational?

I would also suggest you talk to a professional or other family members that you can trust about this particular issue. Your mother should not be pressuring you to carry a child for 9 months because she wants a baby. I don’t know what else to say besides, I am sorry your mother is acting like this.

posidon97 −  This needs to be on r/insaneparents.

ahdrielle −  Well definitely *don’t* do this and let her be crazy alone. Who wants to carry their little brother/sister?

LLJKSiLk −  Cut her out first. She sounds like an awful person.

[Reddit User] −  Cool. Trash took itself out. You DO NOT handle it because it is NOT your problem. It’s your mothers problem and the guilt trip of “if you don’t do this I don’t want a relationship with you “ is probably making you feel like you have to at least help her with this problem. You don’t! Because you literally cannot!

So just go about life like you usually would. But…DO NOT CALL YOUR MOTHER! Don’t grovel, don’t apologize, don’t try to help her, don’t be a shoulder for her to cry on. Hold her to her word! You don’t get to say something so hurtful and then have it go away because it’s a new day.

Give your mother exactly what she asked for, no relationship with you. Block her on everything and let her stupid self stew. If having a baby is SO important to her, she can HIRE a surrogate! If she’s not willing to pay someone to carry this child she wants SOO SOO SOO badly then she doesn’t want the baby.

I’d say she’s being crazy because her “biological clock” (eyeroll!) is just screaming at her to procreate because she’s almost out of eggs. But idk, nor do I care because once you tell someone “if you don’t do this for me then I want nothing to do with you” all bets are off and the relationship is over.

AngryAtTheWholeWorld −  This is not a small sacrifice. This is a massive impact on you, your boyfriend, your child, this child, your education, your financial circumstances, your social life and every other aspect of your life.

And pregnancies tend to be similar to our mothers so if her pregnancies got more dangerous as she progressed that could be the same for you and if you want more children yourself it may not be wise to have kids that won’t be yours Honestly if she cuts you out good riddance. This is just ridiculous

sunflower1940 −  “if you don’t do this to me then I don’t want a relationship with you anymore”. “Bye then.” Click.