My daughter just contacted me after 17 years asking if I want to meet my granddaughter. AITAH for telling her that I don’t care about her or her daughter and to never contact me again?

After 17 years of estrangement, a father’s daughter reached out, wanting to reconnect and introduce him to his granddaughter. His daughter cut him off as a teen after learning of his affair, which deeply strained their relationship.

Despite her apology, he felt nothing emotionally and told her he didn’t care about her or her daughter. He wonders if he was wrong to respond this way. read the original story below…

‘ My daughter just contacted me after 17 years asking if I want to meet my granddaughter. AITAH for telling her that I don’t care about her or her daughter and to never contact me again?’

I am not sure if am I an AH. Going to provide some background. I am in my 60s now. I was married to my ex wife, and we had a daughter. Our marriage was going through its ups and downs but I was really close with our daughter.

But as our marriage was going through its difficulties, I made a huge mistake I still regret to this day. I started having an affair with my coworker. She was in an violent physically a**sive relationship at home. We became friends at work, and things just escalated from there.

She got “an out” from me, she got the support she needed to file for divorce from her husband, who is currently in jail now. The affair went nowhere and we called it off shortly after, but I was glad that she got off her a**sive relationship and that she was safe. 

But when my ex wife found out about the affair, things expectedly didn’t go well. She lashed out and said a lot of horrible things about me to our daughter, who was 15 at the time.

I admitted full fault with the affair, but even after the divorce, I sensed that the distance between me and my daughter was growing, until one day, my daughter said she wasn’t going to speak with me anymore, and she was going to cut me off from her life forever.

That was the most painful thing anyone had ever said to me. I begged her to please reconsider. I still remember that day. But time passed on. My daughter kept her word, and after trying to connect with her for the first year, I gave up. I found out from one of my mutual friends that my ex wife married a great guy.

I was happy because I was hoping that would remove the h**red from my ex wife and my ex wife would advise our daughter to at-least rekindle a relationship with me. But that never happened. I moved states a year later.

I am at peace now, but still have some aching sadness. I have retired. Both my parents have passed away, my brother passed away tragically a couple of years ago. To be honest, I am waiting for my turn. I have only my dog and my sister left.

A couple of hours ago, my daughter called me on my phone. I haven’t spoken to her in 17 years. I instantly recognized her voice, but I didn’t feel anything. No happiness, no sadness, just indifference. She was crying a lot on the call, and we caught up on life. She’s married, and she has a daughter who’s now 12.

She apologized for cutting off contact, and she says her mom asked her to reconnect with me, as her mom felt guilty about how everything played out. She said she really wanted me to meet her daughter, and her daughter was constantly asking about granddaddy. But, I wasn’t feeling anything.

After we caught up on everything and our life, I told her I don’t care about her or her daughter, and to never contact me again. I then hung up.. Was I the AH?.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

chezibot −  It is true no one falls in love faster than two married coworkers.

tytynuggets −  This is one of the most obvious YTA posts I’ve seen here, good f**king lord.

TopPalpitation4681 −  Well, it’s already been said, but you’re the a**hole.

afspouse123 −  YTA I hate when adults make very bad adult decisions that affect their children and then blame the children when they respond in a very child-like manner. Your daughter was a teenager. That is a rough time for kids even when their home life is stable.

You gave her one whole year before you cut bait and gave up on her. Then you moved away. You told your daughter that she wasn’t important enough to fight for and she believed you.

Now that she is an adult with a child of her own, she has reached out to you and you again told her she wasn’t important to you. She now knows she was probably right to cut you out the first time.

RegrettableBiscuit −  YTA. After we caught up on everything and our life, I told her I don’t care about her or her daughter, and to never contact me again
You really haven’t learned anything since you messed up your relationship with her the first time, have you? You’re still the same person.

I have only my dog and my sister left.. I wonder why. Your daughter offered to reconcile, despite of the hardship you put her through, and you took this as an opportunity to hurt her again as much as you possibly could. Yes, you’re TA. To yourself as well as to your daughter.

You made yourself miserable, and you again hurt yourself to spite your daughter.. Stay away from her.

joan868 −  YTA and stop acting like the victim here

MameDennis1974 −  Ain’t nothing like a dead beat n**cissist claiming to be the one victim in a situation he created for himself. “I wAS hELpiNG mY Co WoRKER gEt oUT of aN A**SiVE MaRRIage!”

Cade_Anwar −  As a father of a daughter myself, dude p**s off. You’re a f**king a**hole.

[Reddit User] −  YTA. You destroyed her childhood and *her family,* by choice. Where there’s forgiveness, there is love. Your daughter forgave you enough to call you and apologize, and expressed sadness and devastation over the lost time. You responded callously and hung up on her.

“I have only my dog and my sister left.” You had a chance to have your daughter. Edit: if you’re reading these comments, please call her back. Apologize and put the past where it belongs. Behind all of you. I reconnected with cousins recently and it was the best thing I’ve ever done.

I can almost 100% guarantee your daughter will understand your anger and meet you where you are. Start there and work through this with her, OP. YTA but you don’t have to be!

Many_Quote9179 −  Yta, your not the victim here

Was he justified in guarding his emotions, or did he react too harshly? Share your thoughts below!